Is Chuck Norris Muttar?

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  • #601185
    ultrajew94
    Member

    Lots of guys in yeshiva tell chuck Norris jokes. Are these jokes mutar? You might have a hava amina to say its apikorses!! They also lead bochurim to unclean thoughts!!

    #950848
    cinderella
    Participant

    It sounds like you already know the answer to that question

    #950849
    OneOfMany
    Participant

    I just laughed for fifteen seconds straight.

    #950850
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Chuck Norris jokes? Is he a comedian? I thought he was an actor (if you can call what he does acting).

    #950851
    soliek
    Member

    im still laffing 😀

    #950852
    BTGuy
    Participant

    I think a fair litmus test to help answer your question would be if the guys would tell those jokes

    if Chuck Norris, an individual who truly squared off against Bruce Lee, was in the same room. lol

    #950853
    MCP
    Member

    There are no Chuck Norris jokes – they are all true.

    Chuck Norris is Joseph, and all the Mods.

    #950854
    AinOhdMilvado
    Participant

    Chuck Norris jokes???

    Chuck Norris is a (real) high level black belt in karate and made several martial arts related movies and TV shows.

    He is also known to have very straight, kosher (for a goy, of course) conservative, patriotic hashkafas.

    How did he come to be the topic of jokes?

    What IS a Chuck Norris joke?

    #950855
    Sam2
    Participant

    I don’t think people actually believe it so it’s okay. Tim Tebow jokes, however, may be bordering on something.

    #950857
    ultrajew94
    Member

    There should be a rule in yeshivos osuring such jokes due to the danger they pose to hailege bochurim who should be learning.

    #950858
    OneOfMany
    Participant

    …still laughing…

    #950859
    ZosHaTorah
    Participant

    Could somebody tell just one Chuck Norris joke here in this thread, so we have an example to help judge your question on?

    #950860
    Feif Un
    Participant

    Chuck Norris can pop scissors with a balloon.

    Superman can fly. But Chuck Norris can force him to land with a roundhouse kick.

    The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris’ elementary school report card.

    #950861
    soliek
    Member

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

    #950863
    MDG
    Participant

    Little boys wear Superman pajamas.

    Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

    #950864
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    These “jokes” should be banned.

    A Joke is supposed to be FUNNY

    #950865
    optimusprime
    Member

    ultrajew94

    Instead of Gelt this year, I think you should get a life.

    #950866
    cinderella
    Participant

    The Chuck Norris jokes examples that Feif Un and soleik are giving are clean. There are also many disgusting, inappropriate Chuck Norris jokes. And no, I will not give an example.

    #950867
    yehudaj
    Member

    @soliek I am pretty sure you can divide by 0 , X/0= the limit of X/Y as Y approaches 0 to +/- infinity

    #950868
    ultrajew94
    Member

    Optimus prime that is a perfect example of hurtful language and i am not mochel. Besides at least I don’t know the transformers theme song. Who needs a life now?

    #950869
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    Optimus,

    that was uncalled for.

    #950870
    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Okay, seriously now – I’ve heard plenty of Chuck Norris jokes in my time, and none of them were objectionable. I can imagine how you could make them so, if you really wanted to…but how does apikorsus come into the picture?

    #950871
    ultrajew94
    Member

    Some jokes put chuck Norris in the place of hashem which is mamesh apikorsis. It’s a sakaneh to every persons neshameh.

    #950872
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Chuck Norris a diety? Now I’ve heard everything.

    #950873
    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Such jokes may be in extremely bad taste, but I’m not quite sure that they qualify as real apikorsus – bad case of leitzanus, maybe?

    That aside, as I once said about “yo mama” jokes, a person’s brand of humor says a lot about them. So it probably IS best to avoid such jokes…

    #950874
    nfgo3
    Member

    Chuck Norris walks into a bar wearing a black Borsolino fedora, and a parrot is standing on the hat. The bartender looks up and says, “Where did you get that?” and the parrot says, “He got it on Kingston Avenue in Crown Heights, all the men’s stores in that neighborhood have them.”

    #950877
    optimusprime
    Member

    I sincerely ask for Mechila ultrajew94. I had a rotten day at my daily occupation.

    Also you claim you do not know the transformers theme song, yet you do recognize that my name is from it? Very interesting…

    #950878
    pbj223
    Member

    It is completely assur. there is absolutely no reason why any YId should be listening or saying those sort of jokes– veryinnapropriate

    #950879
    ultrajew94
    Member

    not at all interesting because in my daily occupation i have to deal with many off the derech individuals so dont sweat it. and i am absolutely mochel you

    #950880
    pbj223
    Member

    what is ther to be mochel? did i say anything wrong? im allowed to post whateveer i feel is right

    #950881
    ultrajew94
    Member

    not u pbj

    im talking to mr.robot guy

    #950882
    optimusprime
    Member

    pbj223

    With all due respect, I think the response of ultrajew94 was directed at me.

    #950883
    ultrajew94
    Member

    thank you robot guy for beeing calm about this.

    also everyone should take into account that pbj223 is the wife of a kollel guy when reading her comments

    #950886
    yid.period
    Member

    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.

    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

    A few of my favorites

    #950888
    dash™
    Participant

    im talking to mr.robot guy

    It’s Mr. Robot Truck to you.

    #950889
    lemaysa
    Member

    it would not be wise to disrespect chuck norris unless u want him coming after you….

    #950890
    BTGuy
    Participant

    Actually, I looked up Chuck Norris jokes. They are all respectful.

    Here are two:

    Chuck Norris was pulled over by a cop for speeding. The cop got off lucky with a warning.

    Chuck Norris does not dial a wrong number. The person on the other end picks up a wrong phone.

    I guess it is flattery, but not over the top.

    Would a Chuck Norris joke thread create loshonos issues? lol (They are funny)

    #950891
    yahud
    Member

    ultrajew: “because in my daily occupation i have to deal with many off the derech individuals”

    what is that supposed to mean to you teach them to fall asleep in middle ur rosh yeshivas speech and get chucked ?

    #950892
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Hers a Chuck Norris joke. Walker Texas Ranger.

    #950893
    mewho
    Participant

    heyyyyyyy cordell (sp) walker rocked!!

    he always got the bad guy.

    and he had strobes before hatzalah had em.

    #950894
    begoodpls101
    Participant

    A:They aren’t jokes they are facts.

    B:When Alaxander Graham Bell invented the phone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

    #950895

    ultrajew94…..”For example the movie CARS has cursewords and not tznius moments.not that I saw the movie chas vshalom”

    If you never saw it, then how do you know? Because you heard it from a freind who was told by his brother’s freind who knows a guy at yeshiva whos uncle told him?

    #950896
    apushatayid
    Participant

    He heard it from Chuck Norris. Apparently, Chuck saw the movie, he didn’t understand most of it, but heard a “curse word”.

    #950897
    ✡onegoal™
    Participant

    I’m sitting here laughing as I read through this thread. It’s just hilarious!

    #950898
    ✡onegoal™
    Participant

    Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep.

    Chuck norris doesn’t turn on the shower he looks at it untill it crys

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

    Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.

    Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

    #950899
    lemaysa
    Member

    as a child chuck norris built a fort out of lego they call it the almo..chuck norris tears cure cancer to bad he never cried

    #950900
    lemaysa
    Member

    according to einstiens theory of relitivaty chuck norris can roundhouse kick you yesterday…

    #950901
    dash™
    Participant

    Jesus has a Chuck Norris fish on his car.

    #950902
    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    Roundhouse Kick

    (That’s how Chuck Norris Bumps a thread)

    #950904
    big deal
    Participant

    If you wanted to have a conversation with yourself why would you go through the trouble of making another screen name? Just say whatever it is you want to say out loud and then answer it.

    You can even change your voice if you want to.

    Or, go to the mirror with finger puppets and act it out there.

    Why embarrass yourself in public like that?

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