- This topic has 33 replies, 13 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 3 months ago by apushatayid.
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September 4, 2011 6:54 pm at 6:54 pm #599147WIYMember
I know of families that whenever they have guests for Shabby will be “makpid” to use fancy dishes silverware…and not put any jars or containers on the table (dips…)but rather put everything in a bowl or dish.
I don’t think the guest has a clue that this show is being put on for them. My question is, what’s the point? Either always use the nice stuff or never use it. Why bother with the charade? To me it seems fake and irrational. I mean you have the stuff, its no big deal to do this all the time.
September 4, 2011 7:02 pm at 7:02 pm #805883am yisrael chaiParticipantHow would you know what they do privately?
“I mean you have the stuff, its no big deal to do this all the time.”
I’m guessing you don’t do the dishes at your place 🙂
September 4, 2011 7:06 pm at 7:06 pm #805884bombmaniacParticipantmaybe for them its enough to use plastic etc…but when it comes to hachnassas orchim they pull out all the stops
September 4, 2011 7:07 pm at 7:07 pm #805885always hereParticipantam yisrael chai~ “I’m guessing you don’t do the dishes at your place :)”
you took the words right outta my mouth/keyboard! 🙂
September 4, 2011 7:07 pm at 7:07 pm #805886deiyezoogerMemberI second AYC, sometimes people are overworked and will rather spend their energy with their kids then with their dishes but when they have geusts they will prepare nicer in honor of the geusts. Nothing wrong with that.
September 4, 2011 7:09 pm at 7:09 pm #805887always runs with scissors fastParticipantWIY you are so funny….I do this! I am not fancy by ancestry or nature, but I will go get stressed out, even buying fancier linen napkins, or dishes if we have guests coming. But when we’re alone, I’ll even use plastic sometimes, and they way we conduct a tish…whoa, that’s another story.
Anyways, I am getting very nervous, truth be told, because we’re im yirtze Hashem getting a new ideim. Son in law.
I am like ready to scratch and revarnish our dining room chairs and reupholster just to keep up with looking like mentchim or the rosenbergs (who are they anyways?)
But that is what it is. People don’t like being low, people worry what others are thinking, if they are being judged, People like to look like the better class. And if you aren’t that way naturally, then at least pretend to be and put up an act when others peek inside your house.
By the way are you male ? Because that would explain why you have no clue how sensitive this issue is to most balebatish women. My husband also talks like this. He would agree with you 100%.
But thats the name of the game. Look balebatish even if you aren’t by nature.
September 4, 2011 7:14 pm at 7:14 pm #805888real-briskerMemberWIY – I don’t see any problem with this practice.
September 4, 2011 7:24 pm at 7:24 pm #805889WIYMemberArwsf
Well Maze Tov on the new Ideim (new item? Lol). Lots of Yiddishe Naches!
Yes I am male its not obvious? 🙂
September 4, 2011 7:25 pm at 7:25 pm #805890deiyezoogerMember“always runs with scissors fast”
Dont worry about SIL, being a male he wont care much if you use china or paper plates as long as the food is yummy, but you may want to put away that scissors or he will freak out…
September 4, 2011 7:32 pm at 7:32 pm #805891am yisrael chaiParticipantdz
“but you may want to put away that scissors or he will freak out…”
You REALLY made me laugh out loud!
Arwsf
Mazel tov to you and the whole family!
September 4, 2011 7:33 pm at 7:33 pm #805892bein_hasdorimParticipantWIY; I’m totally with you on this.
If Shabbos Kodesh isn’t enough reason to break out your finery and china-ery 😉 (not a word) then don’t bother taking it out for a guest for it is a Bizayon for Shabbos Ha’malkah!!!
Do you treasure the opinion of a Basar V’dom that you Shtel Tzi a very fancy feast for show, Vs. being mechabed HB”H by respecting the Holy Shabbos with your best dishes etc..
September 4, 2011 7:34 pm at 7:34 pm #805893aries2756ParticipantYou are always supposed to be mehudar mitzvah on Shabbos and use your finest. So you might not treat your family to the finest all the time, or trust them with the finest, but you do try your best when you have company to at least do so at that time. It is NOT necessarily for the company it is l’kavod Shabbos AND the company.
September 4, 2011 7:35 pm at 7:35 pm #805894deiyezoogerMemberAYC,?? ???? ???? ???? until then a smile will suffice.
September 4, 2011 7:40 pm at 7:40 pm #805895deiyezoogerMemberAries
*like*
Bein Hasdurim, as a general rule people should prepare the nices things for shabbos, but if its a question of nice dishes or a rasted mother its the latter not the former, the kids oineg shabbos is the parents talking and listening to them. The geusts oineg shabbos however is a nicely set table and elegantly served food.
September 4, 2011 7:44 pm at 7:44 pm #805896am yisrael chaiParticipantdz
I couldn’t help that burst of laughter and it’s mostly your fault, you gave no heads up…and I have someone on the computer right next to me, how embarrassing…
always
You made me smile. Not so embarrassing.
b_h
Keep in mind that Hashem cares more about how people treat each other, ???? ??????, who are created in His image, and is mochel more on His own ????.
And I say this despite the fact that I am one of those who usually does not use containers or ketchup bottles on a Shabbos table, even when alone.
September 4, 2011 7:44 pm at 7:44 pm #805897WIYMemberBein_hasdorim
Great post! That’s how I feel about this. It comes off as doing it just for the guests perception of you. What happened to Kvod Shabbos? Is Shabbos now chopped liver?
September 4, 2011 7:48 pm at 7:48 pm #805898deiyezoogerMemberAYC, Sorry, just couldn’t resist…
September 4, 2011 7:53 pm at 7:53 pm #805899bein_hasdorimParticipantdeiyezooger; If shabbos doesn’t merit dishes, only guests, I believe it is kind of zilzul in Kavod Shabbos, though I hear your s’vorah. But it isn’t always the case is it? Some people really want to show up for their guest how fancy they are, and it’s just that.
The Mommy of the house should be well rested, dishes can be done after shabbos, the same way the dishes miraculously get done when there is guests. Why can’t the dishes find their way to the table when there is nobody to show of to, just HB”H, Shabbos, the Malochim. Showing our dear children that we respect Shabbos for Shabbos and don’t put on a show only when other people are watching.
September 4, 2011 7:57 pm at 7:57 pm #805900deiyezoogerMemberI guess we don’t disagree, if the reason one does it is not to make the geust feel special but to show of then you are right.
September 4, 2011 7:58 pm at 7:58 pm #805901WIYMemberDeiyezooger
That was a good line 🙂
September 4, 2011 8:00 pm at 8:00 pm #805902deiyezoogerMemberWhich one, the last one?
September 4, 2011 8:01 pm at 8:01 pm #805903aries2756ParticipantBecause Mommies don’t always have the Koach to do everything and sometimes Tatties have to help and partake in the mitzvah too!
September 4, 2011 8:06 pm at 8:06 pm #805904ToiParticipantwashing tons of dishes is tough and theres nothing wrong with also being mechabed orchim
September 4, 2011 8:12 pm at 8:12 pm #805905WIYMemberDeiyezooger
???? ???? ???? ?? until then a smile will suffice = good line.
September 4, 2011 8:14 pm at 8:14 pm #805906deiyezoogerMemberThanks WIY.
September 4, 2011 8:21 pm at 8:21 pm #805907WIYMemberDeiyezooger
YW
September 4, 2011 8:40 pm at 8:40 pm #805908bein_hasdorimParticipantWIY; agreed to agree, and I guess DZ agrees too!
If we can get one more we’ll bl”n make a kiddush in the CR.
aries2756; Who said a/t bout Tatties not helping? It’s Kavod Shabbos were talking about and everyone has to help. You also have to help if its Kavod Ishto. Chazal are very clear about this, besides it being common decency.
September 4, 2011 9:21 pm at 9:21 pm #805909deiyezoogerMember“If we can get one more we’ll bl”n make a kiddush in the CR.”
You better use your finest china, no exuses this time around…
September 5, 2011 4:15 am at 4:15 am #805910a maminParticipantMazel Tov Always!! Wow, one simcha right after another!!
You really need your rest! I hope by the time the chasunah comes you wont be so overwhelmed and you will be able to handle your new family member!
September 5, 2011 4:55 am at 4:55 am #805911aries2756Participantbein_hasdorim, it is so nice to hear you say that. Unfortunately that is NOT the case in many homes.
September 5, 2011 5:06 am at 5:06 am #805912kapustaParticipantIt sort of bothers me too but I’ve come to the conclusion that its actually a good thing. 1- they recognize where Shabbos is and where it can be. 2- (as mentioned) If it means everyone stays calm, its worth a lot. Maybe not ideal, but getting there, and thats a big thing.
September 5, 2011 5:18 am at 5:18 am #805913WIYMemberkapusta
Are you actually agreeing with me? lol
September 5, 2011 5:47 am at 5:47 am #805914September 5, 2011 6:36 pm at 6:36 pm #805915apushatayidParticipantWe used to do this in our house (paper or plastic unless we had guests), until recently. Now we use china all the time.
We used to use china, only when we had company because we wanted the children to understand that the guests (and inviting them) are important. They already got the message that shabbos is chashuv and important with all the preparations beforehand (the cleaning and cooking of special foods).
The kids are older now and have absorbed both messages. Now that they are old enough and big enough that they dont break every piece of china they put their hands on, we use china for all shabbos and yom tov meals.
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