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Would you go out with someone who has a serious past (meaning did almost everything) but today is an amazing growing person who is very frum. Is his/her past a valid reason to not want to go out and if yes, why?
I would never hold a past against someone. That being said, if someone’s past led to things that will affect the rest of their lives-e.g. diseases, drug addictions, etc.-then that is something very serious to take into consideration.
I would say their past would be a reason why I WOULD go out with them. It means they have come a long way, and can be much stronger, have their priorities straight, and are more mature. The only thing I would be concerned about is they may possibly be too serious and focused on their spirituality to be able to chill out and have fun anymore, which I have seen happen to a lot of people in that type of situation. But not to everyone.
And Sam is absolutely correct.
It really depends what his past was. One of the most normal guys I dated was kicked out of high school and didn’t have the easiest teenage years in general. My parents looked into it and there was nothing super serious like drugs or anything and I said if a guy was an idiot when he was 16 I should hold it against him ten years later..people make mistakes and then grow up. If his past has some long lasting effects than that is a whole different story…..
bemakom sheba’aleh tshuva omdim ein tzadikim gedolim yecholim la’amod! (i hope i quoted that correctly 🙂
G-d erases our sins when we do teshuva – if its good enough for Hashem shouldn’t it be good enough for us?
I think someone who had a little bit of a rough past would appreciate people, life, everything, more because he/she knows what it’s like to not have it easy. He/she would appreciate a spouse more, I believe. But for me, it would depend what the past was in order to see if I can handle it.
True that those who struggled and grew know a certain stamina that others may not have, but fact of the matter:
You were in the fire, you got burnt…
So tough call
If they are living a good “present” and they have disclosed the “past”, then you may have the chance of a good “future”.
Of course, it does matter what the past was. If the person is a registered sex offender or on probation for serious offences, it may be a completely different matter. If they flunked out of college 10 years ago, so what. It is all a relative matter. As long as you know what their “past” was, you have the opportunity to think about it and say either “nay” or “aye”.
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