best/worst compliment????

I once won something at a carnival, and this girl wanted it. She said, “Why do you live?”

I thought to myself, “?????????”

A shadchan once told my friend “Oh you look different from what I remember you, I thought your hair was blonder, but don’t worry I’m sure the boy is looking for inner buety not outer and besides I’m sure you will wear some makeup on the date!”

this is a story i heard: a woman was walking down the street with her newborn baby when she met a friend of hers. her friend looked in the carriage and said your baby is the ugliest baby i’ve ever seen! the woman was so angry, surprised and sad that such a close friend of hers said such a thing. when she came into her house later on her husband saw that something troubled his wife today. he asked her, whats the matter? so she said “so and so insulted my baby and said he was the ugliest baby she ever saw!” he looked at his wife and burst out laughing. his wife looked out him like he fell from the moon. he said dont worry your friend just said that because she was jealous that she didnt have such a beautiful baby as us.

so watch your words and be careful about what you say!

this story did not happen to me i just read it in a book.

ronrsr

I wonder about that one. Is it ever a compliment? Tough call huh?

i don’t like it when one of my friends tells the other

“Why do u look so pretty?!” –

i don’t know what to make of that..does it mean “you’re usually ugly”, or “why r U pretty and I’M not”

i don’t know what to make of that..does it mean “you’re usually ugly”, or “why r U pretty and I’M not”

I think the second.

*kapusta*

After answering the door on her first date the guy asks her

“is your daughter ready?”

Once again, WS Gilbert nailed it over a century ago:

There is beauty in extreme old age

Do you fancy you are elderly enough?

Information I’m requesting

On a subject interesting:

Is a maiden all the better when she’s tough?

Katisha:

Throughout this wide dominion

It’s the general opinion

That she’ll last a good deal longer when she’s tough.

Ko-Ko:

Are you old enough to marry, do you think?

Won’t you wait till you are eighty in the shade?

There’s a fascination frantic

In a ruin that’s romantic;

Do you think you are sufficiently decayed?

Katisha:

To the matter that you mention

I have given some attention,

And I think I am sufficiently decayed.

people alternately ask my mother if shes her boss’ mother or sister. her boss is late thirtys and shes fifty.ouchy.

“Wow, your house looks great! How long ago did the cleaning lady leave?”

My wonderful and extremely kindhearted mother O”H, was known for her bloopers. She would say innocent things that often came out just plain WRONG.

Twenty-five years ago, when she unfortunately was sitting shiva for her sister, an elderly male friend of our family came over to pay a shiva call, and came into the room where she was about to eat lunch. She did a double take and blurted out, “OH!I thought you were my dead brother-in-law!” To which my brother quipped, “Before or after he died?” Needless to say, she only meant that the resemblance momentarily had startled her. But after the initial shock wore off, we all had a good laugh (including the “zombie”) and it has become a well-known family story.