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Why is it that sometimes families (usually the mother) gets so upset when they think you’re spending more time with your friends. I understand that family is what is there for u in the long run but friends are what help you through things usually alot better then family does especially when family is the source of the problem…. I just don’t know what to do anymore..
Busy as a bee, your mother gets hurt when you go to others for advise primarily because it’s in her nature to want to do everything possible for her child even if you are not on the best of terms you can never explain to a mother why you should seek advice from anyonelse aside from her. She loves you and wants the best for you and has no other altering motives aside from seeing her child that she helped bring into this world succeed! Your friends might be easier to talk to but at the end of the day everyone has their own agenda! If family is the source of the problem it’s best to speak to a rav or mentor regarding this matter rather than a friend. When it comes to family it is very important that you dont take it lightly. They will always be there to back you no matter what you do trust me it’s in their nature!!! Where as with friends if you do sty unforgiving Chas vechas, it should never happen they are not naturally pulled to forgive and forget as easily as someone that shares the same blood. There is a big diff between loving someone and liking someone…
Hehe. i have the opposite problem. my friends think i spend waay too much time with my famiy; i do. i feel like my family helps me through everything unlike my friends. :
Usually if a mother “thinks” you are spending more time with your friends its probably because you ARE spending more time with your friends and you are not paying enough attention to her or giving her the kovod and respect she deserves.
Just because you have friends and are capable of going off on your own and doing things on your own with your friends does not mean that you have the right to ignore your mother or the rest of your family for that matter. You are who you are because of them and they deserve your time and attention to. They deserve to “enjoy” the fruits of their labor in raising you. So make time for them just as you make time for your friends and include them in the things you like to do, don’t save everything for your friends.
Toomuch00
Glad that you have such a good relationship with your family. Not so common that a young person would be closer to family than to friends and feels that they can turn to family for help with issues.
At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you.
i have a friend that before his chasuna i went for tsduka for the chasuna and i made $10.000.00 for him i use to talk to learn with him we use to be relly good friends we joined together a whole day but now he is married and i talk to him 5 minutes the last 2 month’s its very Painfull what i m saying is that you still have to do both when you are not home make sure you find your old friends who helped you all the time with evry thing
I honestly can sympathize with you cause I’ve got a rather eccentric mom . She cant stop herself from yelling and screaming about everything and she totally freaks out about every little thing!!! The niebours hear her allthe time it’s sooooo embarrassing!!!! Any advice???? I know I can’t change her but what can I do??? She’s very loud has no problem doing all sorts of wierd things in public!!! It’s really horrifying!!! ADVICE??? btw; not my natural mom but noone knows that so she’s considered my mom!!!! I can’t stand it! Anyone that cansolve this issue for me will have a great zechus!
Moshiach please come
It sounds like she has emotional issues. She either needs therapy pills or both. You can’t change a person so your best bet is spend less time around her. I heard in few shiurim on Kibbud Av Vaeim that if ones parents are extremely difficult then one should try to move out or spend time away as much as they can.
Keep in mind that friends (especially of the the younger years) come and go, as yic pointed out. Invest in the lasting relationships before the temporary ones. Another thing to realize is that while it is a lot of fun to advise people, few people really put themselves through it enough to feel the responsibility of their advice.
Chazal say that if you can give advice like Achisofel then give it, otherwise don’t. Achisofel advised Avshalom not to wait overnight to chase Dovid. Avshalom didn’t listen. Achisofel, knowing that his own advice was perfect, understood that Dovid will have a chance to gain a standing. Therefore, he hanged himself in fear of Dovid’s wrath.
I find that most, and especially young, people throw advice based on their current mood or whim. A family treats the issue differently.
My mother is my best friend!!!
FRIENDS COME FIRST FRIENDS COME FIRST
ootiny, why are you saying friends come first??? I respectfully disagree!! FAMILY COMES FIRST FAMILY COMES FIRST!!! Kaved Es Avicha Ves Emecha!!
happy face- many time one’s family has issues and they cannot be there to lift their spirits up, and in fact are the ones to bring them down. So therefore, I say friends come first. Friends are chosen, not family. If you have a wonderful supportive family with no emotional issues and you respect them and enjoy spending time with them, it’s a different story.
family comes first generally. no two ways about it. blood is thicker than water- known fact. but there of course is an exception to every single rule and this is no different.
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