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I was just by a wedding that after the chuppa the kalla looked sooo sad and didnt smile!what was even sadder was that when she came in for dancing she looked sooooooo confused and was still crying a bit!!!a person I know whos getting married soon and was with me started crying to me saying she hopes this wollnt happen to her-And I didnt know what to tell her!btw the kalla was a tot normal girl with no problomes before.
Well, my brother’s ex-wife did seem pretty sad at her chasuna. Unfortunately, they divorced within 5 weeks (he’s now happily remarried b”h).
But hopefully, this kallah was just very emotional and overwhelmed.
observant: What was the cause of her unhappiness at the wedding and was it related to her divorce (later).
I have seen such things, and in one case, the kallah was pushed into the marriage by her mother, and was very unhappy. There is a possibility that the kallah you described was just very solemn or emotional, or maybe she had a close loved one who passed away and was therefore not physically present at the wedding. I know from experience what that feels like.
I think the bride was just overwhelmed. How long after becoming engaged was the wedding? Sometimes girls are just caught up in the whirlwind of a quick engagement followed by a quick marriage. Perhaps she didn’t have any “real” time to think beyond the wedding itself, to the permanence of marriage. Sometimes this is all too fast, particularly for a young girl – suddenly she is leaving her parents and siblings and moving into a new home with someome she doesn’t know all that well. Hopefully she has an understanding husband and everything will work itself out.
Abe: she was disappointed with a petty thing my brother did at th chasuna (although it was immature). This in particular wasn’t the CAUSE of the divorce but rather her personality and her upbringing. (They were both pretty young and immature, and she wouldn’t go for help in spite of his begging to do so.)
Chayala: I certainly hope so. It doesn’t necessarily mean her parents forced her into marriage, though. She’s no longer a child. If she wouldn’t want to get married she’d probably protest. Besides, it really doesn’t mean that she’s unhappy. As I said before, she was probably very overwhelmed. After all, marriage is commitment and a HUGE change. Perhaps she’s taking it hard. If you’re really concerned, daven for her.
A Kallah could just be scared by the whole prospect of marriage. A relative approached me many years ago at her wedding and told me she was scared. Fear can cause person to look sad and even cry. She may have had a falling out with someone moments before the chuppah, may have had second thoughts (not indicative of a bleak future, just a fearful present)… Weddings are stressful (it’s a production) and can bring out the grouchies in people. I told my relative that fear doesn’t mean there is a problem (unless it has to do with a serious problem with the other person, which she did not have).
I heard that a girl who is naturally on the quiet side drank a little wine right before her wedding and again before dancing just to help her overcome her natural shyness and be able to greet [eople happily. I thought it was funny but now i see that it was a good idea because otherwise she would’ve been too quiet to greet people appropriately
I thought before a chuppah a couple is not allowed to have wine (even if they’re not fasting on rosh Chodesh). Is that untrue?
Doesn’t sound good to me, I sure hope i’m wrong.
Some parent’s today are crazy, letting all this crises talk get to their heads. Then there’s the just plain old fashion crazy, trying to tell their kid to marry who they, the parents want not what good for the child.
I hear this story way too often.
Again, I really hope i’m wrong.
Depending on who and what, there are some people who do make a tenaim before the wedding and some who do it at the wedding. If you make tenaim before the wedding and then have second thoughts about the marriage, the Rabbis will still force the marriage to go through because you can’t break a tenaim. In addition, sometimes a couple will have second thoughts, either one or the other or both, or one or the other will find something out that concerns them and either the parents or other advisors like a Rav will talk them into going through with the wedding and yet they still feel it is wrong. That can make a Kallah sad.
Sometimes it is just happy tears and happy emotions (hormones) that just run out of control. Please daven for her that she should be happy and have a bayis neeman.
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