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I want to hear your opinions about this situation. I daven at a shacharit minyan where, until about a month ago, there were two or three aveilim who davened pretty much every morning. On the rare days when they couldn’t daven (i.e., Rosh Chodesh, Chol Hamoed), or when none of them were there, I was asked to daven, and I did so.
At this point, they either finished saying kaddish, or went to other minyanim. Now I’m being asked to daven for the amud every morning, and I’m ambivalent about this. On the one hand, I understand it’s a very good thing that nobody in the minyan is saying kaddish. On the other hand, there are regulars in the minyan that are capable of davening for the amud, but won’t, for various reasons. (How do I know this? Because the minyan manages even on days when I’m not there!)
So how would you handle this? I like the gabbai, he’s a friend of mine, and I don’t want to give him any more stress than he already has. I don’t mind davening for the amud a few times a week, but I really don’t want to do it every morning. I would like some time for my own davening at my own pace.
Davening at a different minyan is not an option. Am I wrong to feel like this?
Nothing wrong with being assertive
i had the same problem
explain to the Gabai just like you did here and tell him you are only able to daven a few times a week
Wait outside until the minyan starts without you!
ZK- LOL Good point. Why dont you tell your friend the truth. be honest. dont tell him that you will never do it but just say that you can only do it a couple times a week
If your main point is because you’d like to daven at your own, slower pace, then why not slow down the minyan to a comfortable speed. I’ve done that at the amud and many mispallelim have expressed their gratitude for being able to “catch their breath.”
Davening for the Amud and saying Kaddish is a Huge Zchus. That’s why aveilim are given the job so that they can provide the merit for the deceased.
I made the mistake of davening for the amud at a minyan that prided itself on never ending after 6:25 (I didn’t know this tidbit when I agreed to daven for the amud). I got many “hurry ups” and “nus” during pesukei dizimra, and the volume and intensity of the comments really picked up after barchu. I walked away from the amud in the middle of birchas krias shma. Nobody wanted to go to the amud. They asked, and practically pleaded but I refused unless they wouldnt try and hurry me along. One guy literally jumped out of his seat and ran to the amud yelling “no, let me, we have to be outta here by 6:25”.
In this same shul (at a later minyan) I once witnessed someone pull $50 from his wallet and offer it to the shliach tzibbur if he would repeat uva litzion as fast as he did the first time, but out loud for everyone to hear. The rav of this shul once made someone who got an aliya repeat the bracha at least 5 times, until he said it slowly and said every word (I was embarressed for the oleh who couldn’t figure out the rav wanted him to say every word – I heard such a chumra exists 🙂 – until the rav spelled it out for him). In short, if you are not comfortable davening for the amud, for whatever reason,don’t. The minyan will do just fine without you.
A big Yasher Koach to apushatayid for trying to do what’s right. What would be so bad if the tzibbur spent another five minutes pouring out their hearts to Hakodesh Baruch Hu? Is there anything more important than talking to the Borei Olam at least as clearly and slowly as one would speak to the President,l’havdil?
I also love that incident with the $50 offer.
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