- This topic has 21 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 4 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
Ok here goes – I have a friend who is best friends with this guy (she’s a girl) now she’s not religious and all and we were talking about this and that and the topic of dating came up. She was saying how it’s so hard that there are no good mature Jewish boys in college and stuff like that.
So then I was like well how about (I’m just going to call her best friend Dave) Dave, you guys are really close (and me being a frum girl knows that platonic relationships never work out and all) and you don’t think that you would be that close to anyone else and blah blah.
So she said she would be interested in taking their relationship further but she’s not sure if he wants too and she doesn’t want to ruin their relationship. So every time I see something that says like guys and girls can’t just be friends I either text or email it to her and she always responds that they are the exception to that rule that guys and girls can’t just be friends.
So my question to the CR is this – from a guys perspective (and I know that most of you are frum people and this wouldn’t ever happen to you) is it possible that her friend would be this close to her and NOT be interested in taking their relationship to a higher level? Can there be exceptions to that rule?
I’d appreciate your feedback, and thanks in advance.
If its right? in our world its not, but if its possible? why not.
There is no way guys and girls can be platonic…maybe a girl can pull it off, but men can’t…
There can be exceptions, but the fact is a guy and a girl can only be platonic friends if both of them have absolutely zero romantic interest in each other. The way you describe it, that isn’t the case.
I dont think its really possible but you never know. maybe this boy really is the exception but I would highly doubt it. maybe hes just not ready or maybe he doesn’t even think that shes thinking in those terms at all yet.
Even if it can stay platonic (which it can’t, trust me), if he is not marraige minded,she is just wasting valuable time. Not to mention, setting herself up for a huge emotional disapointment.
If he is not interested in taking the relationship seroiusly, let her move on to someone who is.
I think there was a post regarding this
Pac man/Joe can help me with this I hope I couldn’t find it in the CR search (maybe it got deleted)
R Orlofsky has a shiur regarding this and I think there was a general coencensus regarding it that it was true
Google the “Harry/Sally Rule.”
is that the same as the ladder theory?
I believe it is, but I couldn’t remember the name.
One of my friends (MO) was best friends with a guy and they were inseperable. It was clear that they liked eachother. so after a few months of literally hanging out every single day, she told him she like him and he stopped talking to her. The end.
so.. i guess the answer to your question is yes it is possible even though it seemed like he was in love with her…
At the same time, not all guys are like that..
its not the same- the ladder theory is much deeper and longer but same idea
I hope this doesn’t count as tooting my own horn.
(Rabbi Wallerstein mentioned a story there of someone who also thought they were the exception.)
Rabbi Orlofsky also has a Shiur on TorahAnytime called “platonic relationships”.
They say when the subject was being discussed (not sure if it was at this specific Shiur) only the girls were arguing that platonic relationships do happen…
Hatzlacha!
I might get my head bitten off for this but we’ll see.
I recently became very good friends with someone. Can you blieve that he’s actually a he and I’m a she? Well, anyway- I KNOW that we are good friends but we DO NOT like each other in a guy/girlfriend typa way. How do I know this, you ask? Well, we’ve discussed it and both came to the same conclusion. We are friends but that is it!
Let the head biting begin! 😉
what about if the guy is married do things change then?
he’s actually a he
*scratches head*
adorable: IMO, even worse. He would be the same way, but add a wife to the equation.
” if the guy is married do things change then? ”
Are you kidding us?
There are three things you don’t share:
Your toothbrush
Your Eggo
Your spouse
This is an area that should NEVER be explored. Anything more than hi, goodbye and what’s the weather, is asking for trouble
(if you were born after the 70s you probably won’t get the Eggo joke)
i was born after the 70s so i dont get it but ok.
who says shes sharing him…maybe he’s just hanging out and messing with girls…does it make it less of an issue because hes married?
who says shes sharing him…maybe he’s just hanging out and messing with girls…does it make it less of an issue because hes married?
He would probably act the same way, single or married. It isn’t a very good reflection of him if he doesn’t mind hanging out with single girls. (Or any girls other than his wife.)
No further comment
bpt- i mainly wanna hear your comments PLEASE dont stop!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.