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Every year we put in shaimos around 25-50 bentchers / zemiros books / perek shiras / chanuka pamphlets, or other types of things that are given out by chasunas and bar mitzvahs. I think this is a total waste of money, and an unnecessary souviner. There should be a stopped put to this. The hall can supply bentchers, or one can borrow from a gemach. And if people would like to give out a souviner, give out something worthwhile and creative, that wont lead to bal tashchis of yiddisha gelt.
*LIKE*
real-brisker– such as what?
I was at a wedding and the mechutan handed out simple copies of bentchers, it was good enough to bentch in it. Then after bentching he collerbcted them so it will not end up in the garbadge.
If you think that’s bad, imagine if there’s a divorce ch”v and the benchers are lying around all over. A real converation starter… Anyway, who says a wedding requires a souvenir? Continued shalom bayis and simchos are the most beautiful and meaningful souvenirs.
why do you keep taking them?
BSD – Was that an haskama?
umhm
and once your on the topic, I have a whole list, but for starters, why does a bar mitzvah have to be a mini chasunah? Why can’t it be a small affair done tastefully in the house and invite only immediate family plus one or two close friends. These bar mitzvahs put a strain on people’s time and on the baal simcha’s $$$. And how many stories do we hear of the baal simcha collapsing with a heart attack by a wedding because the one night simcha is putting him in debt?
Perhaps I am the only person who would not agree with you on this subject, for an obvious reason: I design wedding monograms, and they are used on the benchers. For me, having my monogram on a bencher that everyone takes home and sees is very gratifying for me. I feel that my work will be appreciated. And believe me, a lot of time goes into them. Of course, for everyone else, it pretty much means nothing, and that’s why you feel this way. Just know where I’m coming from.
We stopped taking benchers home unless they are unusual in some respect. Mrs. Mamashtakah says for every bencher I bring home now, I have to get rid of one. We have two drawers full, and there’s no room for new ones!
mamash: How do you “get rid of one”? (That is the problem the OP is discussing.)
Put it in shaimot in shule. I would donate it to the shule itself, but they have more than they need as well.
Real-brisker, of course not. It most definitely is a waste. I simply wanted to provide my own feelings in this issue. But since I am just one person who has a use for them (I collect them as a sort of portfolio), and there are, lets say, 400 other people that have no use for them, it obviously is a waste. It’s just a shame to know that people really don’t care about the effort I, or others, put into making these designs. And by the way, I rarely get paid for them.
I just hope you can at least appreciate where I’m coming from.
We also don’t take home bencher unless it is someone very close or they are unusual or special. My friend is in the business and she asks “how many people are you having at the wedding” then she tells the customer if you are buying a new style people will want them so you need “x”. if you are buying plain, buy half.
Put it in shaimot in shule.
I believe that the shul’s shaimos is generally not for anyone’s private use (it costs money to properly take care of shaimos).
You can donate them to restaurants, etc. Many establishments are quite happy to accept them.
In moving, we had boxes of shaimos which included some of the above. Shuls are not a dumping place for shaimos(no we don’t have a shul). We paid $10 a box/bag. We too don’t bring home bentchers unless it is close family, which rarely happens as most of the neices/nephews are in Eretz Yisroel and go with takanos so no glitz or overspending even if they are able to afford.
I know of a High School principal who does save such as benchers from each student’s chasunah and he mails it to them for their 25th anniversary, by which time most of them no longer have a copy of their own and it is really appreciated.
So, each to their own for who does hand out souveneirs and for those who choose not to…Mazel Tov to all!
My mother (She should live and be well) would-and still does- always take benthcers from close friends that could possibly ever come over for a Shabbos meal and proudly use the bentcher when the person would come over, even years later. The appreciation and looks on their faces in indescribable. B”H I have continued this ‘minhag’. Why not enjoy someone else’s simcha and make the wrold a better place?!
real-brisker– sch as what worthwhile thing that won’t lead to bal tashchis of yiddisha gelt?
I am glad we had benchers at our chasunah…my husband always makes kiddush using OUR bencher, making it very special to me. If you go to a wedding you don’t have to take a bencher if you have too many at home. Leave it for the chosson and kallah and their families who don’t mind having extras.
Maybe we ordered too many, but we must have taken home over 150 benchers left at our last chassanah. My conern is always that they waiters throw them out when clearing the tables.
real-brisker– so what creative thing??
DY – I was trying to be dan lekaf zechus that his shul offers the service.
I wasn’t accusing anyone of anything; I was pointing this out in case someone would think that most shuls accept private shaimos.
Perhaps the whole “chasuna” as we know it is waste of yiddishe gelt?
All you need is a mesader kiddushin who can make sure everything is kidas ukidin and 2 valid eidim and. If people want to be come and be misameach the chassan and kallah, let them do so, after they have eaten their fill at home? Sheva brachos? Let a minyan of men eat together, and at bentching (out of a siddur, not chas vshalom a bencher) say the sheva brachos. Besides, there is no halacha that requires you to make a meal and bench and say sheva brachos, lets do away with that as well. IF there happens to be a minyan, then you can say sheva brachos. Think of all the money saved this way.
Regarding benchers at a simcha. We have been zoche to make a number of bar mitzvah seudas, and had 50 benchers made (perhaps less, whatever the minimum order) and all were taken home except for the 5 we held back for ourselves. If people wouldnt want it, even for 3 weeks, they wouldnt take it. There is no mitzvah to take home a bencher either, if you dont want it, leave it on the table.
“Every year we put in shaimos around 25-50 bentchers…”
This is 25-50 things to many that you have taken home. Leave them on the table.
Perhaps the whole “chasuna” as we know it is waste of yiddishe gelt?
I agree that we’ve gone overboard, but it’ always been the minhag to have a seudas mitzvah at a chasunah.
I love to collect souvenir benchers at affairs and always take home two; they are probably the cheapest expense at the simcha. Before the minhag of souvenir benchers, people would provide inscribed and color schemed: silk yarmulkes; menus (in French); match boxes and even cigarettes. Ah, those were the days.
I did. You feel it goes to waste. Obviously it does not, if you take it home! If it goes to waste in your home, leave it on the table.
DY. So, have a seudas mitzva. at home.
Again, if you don’t want it, don’t take it home. Usually the Baal Simcha is happy to have extra bentchers of “their” simcha. To this day I wish I took aside some of our bentchers before the Chasuna, as they were all taken, and the only ones my husband and I have are the ones one of my aunts took for us at the Chasuna! (We had a lot of single friends coming for dancing, and I think many of them wanted a souvenir, so we had a larger number of people taking bentchers.) Certainly if you are only going to put them in shaimos , don’t take them home!!
DY. So, have a seudas mitzva. at home.
No room for the 10 piece band. 😉
One of my nephews recently made a Bar Mitzva & the guests were given photocopies of Bentching without Shem Shmayim just ? and elokeinu
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