Who would you rather consult???

Wouldn’t it depend on what the issues were?

If it is a halachic issue, most certainly a rov/posek.

I think it depends on what the issue is.

Depends for what. Something Hashkafa related I would probably do it anonymously on asktherabbi or a similar site unless it happened to come up in conversation. For more personal things (like dating) a female mentor. I know many single girls have a rav they discuss things with but for something personal IMO its just funny to have a “relationship” with a rav.

*kapusta*

Some of the girls I mentored in the past went to a younger rav’s shiurim and they loved it. They got very close to this Rav. Before you knew it he had given them his cell phone and they were texting back and forth. When I found this out i was very disturbed by it. I told them that they were invading his private time with his wife and it was totally inappropriate. The girls claimed that he said they could text him any time and ask him anything. I told him that he was very young and did not understand the guidelines that an older and more experienced Rav would understand and that he was putting his Shalom Bayis at risk. After a few weeks they said they actually met his wife and she didn’t seem to be too friendly. I told them they must immediately cut themselves off from this Rav and find themselves another older Rav which they did.

It is NOT always appropriate to speak to or confide in the opposite gender even though they are “titled” Rav. Many younger Rabbonim get involved in kiruv and in the At-Risk issue but don’t know how to lay down boundaries. This can be a problem as you can see. Although it is totally innocent it is still totally inappropriate.

aries- your point is great. thank you.

I personally always feel more comfy talking to the rav/ guy mentor as I think they are more logical and less emotional. they wont get carried away with my emotions and the fact that I can be a drama queen makes it worse not easier. I have found that the women that I went to usually let me rule them over and its not good for me.

Meet the Rav and Rebbetzin together, and discuss.

definitely avoid cross gender discussions , mentoring, guidance. keep that for purehalachic queries. better safe than sorry

Smile: Which sites do anon shailos?

Pac-Man-sorry didn’t see your post. I’d answer you, but people on here know me, and if they knew the other sites i go on for hashkafa, they might figure out my sn, and then i wouldn’t be anonymous… :0)

Halacha – a Rov and only a Rov

If the matter is of a sensitive nature, I don’t think for one minute that the fact that a woman is married to a Rov necessarily endows her with special powers that make her a logical choice to turn to. I would seek out a woman whose judgment I respect, or a professional who deals with such issues.

I am more comfortable speaking with women, so I would probably talk to a ftum female Social Worker or the like. That does not mean that the rebbetzin would NOT have good advice, but being a rebbetzin is no guarantee that she knows what she is talking about. I am also not sure I would want a local rebbetzin knowing my personal business.

I’ve spoken to numerous people. In hs I was very close with a teacher of mine. 2 or 3 years ago a Rabbi who is just a great person and knows a lot about life. He got very busy which made it hard for me to contact him. Recently, I spoke to a local Rav that many people recommended that I speak to. He is very down to earth (like wasn’t surprised by what I told him even though they were intense things) and did not make me uncomfortable. I am so thankful to all the people who have and still help me make the right choices in my life!