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This has been discussed before, with various opinions.
In my opinion, it’s okay because not only don’t you see the person, but you don’t even know what they look like.
Nevertheless, the tone and content should be more reserved when addressing someone on “the other side of the mechitzah”
good point! difference is you cant see the person so opposite gender cant attract you. Cant see what kind of clothing they’re wearing and you cant see if its a man or woman! Why shouldnt it be okay?
There are many excuses listed on multiple other threads discussing this exact issue. You can find an excuse for anything I suppose.
You can find an excuse for anything I suppose.
Like being on the internet?
How do you know you are talking to the opposite gender? I mean – you may assume you are but you really dont know.
That too. But two wrongs don’t make a right. So even if that’s wrong, it doesn’t make what’s being discussed here right.
“we engage in dialogue most here would never do in person”
I disagree with this statment. On the contrary, I’m more mindful of what I say here, because I know I’m dealing with bnei and bnos torah.
I see nothing at all wrong with it- AT ALL!!
Its a beautiful, interesting, effective, a KOSHER SOCIAL NETWORK, and healthy!
Red: it is assur to socialize with the opposite gender.
That’s the question. Is this halachically considered socializing?
RD- are you new here?
Let me fix the mechitzah to bring it back to 10 =’s high:
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thank you now we can continue. I feel like we discuss this every couple of days but hey why not right?!?!??!
I’ve mentioned before,
In the coffee room I don’t view it as guys and girls I view people as posters (people that post not paper you hang on a wall)
As far as I’m concerened I’m talking to a computer, just like if I check my balance in the bank.
Mike: inter-gender socializing is assur min HaTorah lchol hadeios.
“it’s okay because not only don’t you see the person, but you don’t even know what they look like”
Um, ok.
As far as I’m concerened I’m talking to a computer, just like if I check my balance in the bank.
That logic can legitimize e-mailing and texting girls too.
NO IT CANNOT. THIS COFFEE ROOM IS HEAVILY MODERATED UNLIKE ANY OTHER ONLINE SOCIAL GROUP (MOD)
PM- you clearly think its not ok so why are you still here?
” That logic can legitimize e-mailing and texting girls too. “
And your point is?
Face it, if you have access to the web, talking to girls in the CR is the least of your neshoma’s concerns.
“but you don’t even know what they look like”
Lucky for me, otherwise I’d have no friends at all!
WE’RE CONSIDERING MANDATORY PHOTO ID IN ORDER TO GET A SCREEN NAME HERE.
WOW! seriously? i guess thats why everyone’s ignoring me! lol! jk! 1st of all if you have a problem with it then don’t post in the cr
mikehall- facebook is a whole different story- on other types of places the discussions between men and women turn to flirty and inappropriate discussions- but on the cr- most threads are not like that in anyway! thanks to the Mods 🙂
and hey, if the rabbinim think its assur they would put it in cherem and announce that its assur- not just let us all do chataim and then go “whoops! thought you knew- oh i didn’t tell you? my bad!”
YN Mod 42, Not a good mechitza you can see thru it 🙂
Um, ok.
Care to elaborate?
Am I the only one who thinks the mechitza looks like matzah?
“NO IT CANNOT. THIS COFFEE ROOM IS HEAVILY MODERATED UNLIKE ANY OTHER ONLINE SOCIAL GROUP (MOD)”
Thanks mod, this is what I would answer myself, we talk only about general issues, nothing personal and the reason we come to this site is davka because its moderated. (besides the hashkafah behind it, its the only place were we can have a mature debate not just insult each other).
“Care to elaborate?”
You asked for it…
Basically you are saying that the only level on which you can connect with a female is physical . Intellectual level? Na. Wit? Who needs it. Hashkafa? Not important.
Congratulations you have the mating requirements of a dog.
(PBA I’m not interested in hearing yet again that men are configured differently. I for one choose to believe I am not going to marry a donkey.)
PBA I’m not interested in hearing yet again…
That’s me! PBA is me!
I for one choose to believe I am not going to marry a donkey.
Me too. We just disagree on what is human and what is donkey.
I will explain. Donkeys have tall ears. And are kind of funny if they are the one from shrek.
Sac – “Basically you are saying that the only level on which you can connect with a female is physical . Intellectual level? Na. Wit? Who needs it.”
Look even just here in the CR, everytime I try to have an intellectual discussion with a woman, it turns into an argument. Just look at my posts under “Help me try my tears”! We don’t think the same as the opposite gender, so by process of elimination there is only one way to connect.
Basically you are saying that the only level on which you can connect with a female is physical . Intellectual level? Na. Wit? Who needs it. Hashkafa? Not important.
No, I’m not saying that.
Sacrilege: “Basically you are saying that the only level on which you can connect with a female is physical . Intellectual level? Na. Wit? Who needs it. Hashkafa? Not important.”
Sorry, Sac. Don’t agree with your extrapolation.
What I though DY is saying, and with which I agree, was the opposite:
Because there is no physical presence, you connect on an intellectual, not physical, level and there is less of a tznius problem.
You are right that an intellectual connection is also a connection, hence DY’s last paragraph that tone and content should be more reserved.
Basically you are saying that the only level on which you can connect with a female is physical . Intellectual level? Na. Wit? Who needs it. Hashkafa? Not important.
Sac, I didn’t write the post but here’s how I understand DY. In real life, the problem with interacting with a female on any level is that it can lead to connection on a physical level as well which is improper. If a male and a female could connect on an intellectual or other level without it potentially leading to physical connection, it would not be as problematic. Here in the CY, men and women can “connect” on an intellectual level without it leading to physical connection due to the fact that we don’t see each other or know what each other look like. This makes the connection somewhat more “kosher” since it eliminates the problems associated with male-female interactions in real life.
Hope that made some sense.
Health:
“everytime I try to have an intellectual discussion with a woman, it turns into an argument….We don’t think the same as the opposite gender”
I seldom agree with your posts (though I don’t post to let you know it). There are some male posters here, that I seldom disagree with. And my thinking doesn’t seem different in general with the males I interact with in general.
So I really don’t think your arguments with women here has anything to do with the different way men and women think. Only that “I” (and the ones arguing with you here) and you, just don’t think the same.
I also understood DY’s statement differently, meaning that becuase we are here in the non-physical arena, we are judging each other by our content, as opposed to our looks, money, ect.
As far as the “Um,OK” comment, I thought you meant that people can form an unhealthy attachment to on-line people, one which they would never form in the real world. Not because real world looks can be a deterrent, but because a person’s on-line personality is sometimes different than their real world one.
Its the 2:00pm person vs. the 2:00am person syndrome. Vastly different, in some cases. That’s why I don’t do on-line at home, and only do on-line in the CR.
It keeps things in check (as they should be)
Health- do you only find yourselves disagreeing with the woman here?
Kapusta, are you making fun of my drawing? Perhaps I meant to draw a matzah. The matzoh mechitza represents the fact that the CR mechitza is a flimsy thing that can easily break. (Hope I’m not cracking you up)
Back to the point, if a man were to read a book written by a woman, would you consider them to be interacting inappropriately? In general the answer is no, but perhaps if he knows her, knows what she looks and sounds like, it might cause inappropriate thoughts depending on the situation. The CR is a few steps beyond that since there is an actual back and forth, in some ways you “get to know” the other people (or at least think you do until you find out that Joseph is actually a black teenage girl and oomis is a 7-year-old Chinese boy)
The point in the issur of “lo sikrivu” is not to come to inappropriate contact. Daas Torah has told us that socializing can do that. Some might hold that even saying “Good Shabbos” as you pass in the street might lead to that. It depends how far you take the “takana”. Some machmirim may feel that conversing in the CR with someone you don’t know applies here as well. Others will say that since it is mostly anonymous you don’t have any issues.
Where does halacha make a distinction on this matter whether you can see the person or not?
..oomis is a 7-year-old Chinese boy
Thanks for that revelation. The closest a MOD came to disclosing a poster.
pac- why are you here if you dont think its the right thing to do.
“or at least think you do until you find out that…”
Someone is a 80 y/o grandmother, living in Ashdod (not to say that someone is me, its just that you never really know….
/? <– Joseph???
Nah, couldn’t be.
bpt- i would assume you live in bp or grew up there or something… dont think you are an 80 year old grandmother for some reason.
What about ZK- is she really a little kid with a baby too?!?!?!
As a preface I’m going to say that I have no problem talking to men whether IRL or in the CR…
But for the many ‘Frum’ posters in here who I generally disagree w on matters of Hashkafa, in Pirkei Avos when it says ‘Al Tarbeh Sicha Im HaIsha’ (or something to that effect) it doesnt differentiate if you are actually seeing the or not. Believe it or not, people do actually fall in love without ever seeing the person they are speaking to.
Online dating, its a multi-mlillion dollar industry.
Which is exactly the point I have been making. I’m glad to have found common ground.
for the “non-frum” poster
it doesnt differentiate in Pirkei Avos because speaking to a person while not seeing them was not common. it also doesnt differentiate between many situations. it doesnt differentiate whether it is Shabbos or not, or whether the parties are in E’Y or not
it is up to the Poskim to determine such differentiations as the need arises.
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