- This topic has 11 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 7 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
So i went out with this person and im abit iffy about it. A shidduch that we really wanted just came back. Do I date both to see which was works better for me? Is that halachicly correct? or is it unfair.
How would you feel if you found out someone you were dating was also dating someone else at the same time?
there are some situations when Rabbonim allow to date 2 people at the same time and there are situations when it is not allowed
this question should really be discussed with the Rav or Rebbezin
nobody can say anything until they know all the details
hazlocho raba
FYI- one of them is going to get hurt. Maybe both. Do u want ur future husband to know that u couldnt decide which one u liked better so u had him hanging around while u tried it out with another? This is what I hate about shidduchim.. dating is not supposed to be a list of people to try on for size.. return whenever u feel like it.. These r PEOPLE and ur supposed to be building a RELATIONSHIP. Atleast try to keep it real for your own sake!
Just as YOU were waiting for HIM to be free, what makes you think YOU can’t say that YOU are currently busy. Should you NOT give this young man your full attention and full opportunity? Yes it might not work out, but the guy you were waiting for might not work out either. In that case you would lose both opportunities. Just because YOU have been waiting anxiously for a YES from him doesn’t mean he is going to be so excited about you. After all YOU were NOT on the top of his list. So what do YOU think HASHEM would want you to do? What do YOU think Hashem’s plan is for you?
You are NOT playing cards here and trying to sneak a card under the table for later just in case. You are playing with real people and real emotions. As another poster said, how would you feel if a young man played this game with you? And how would you feel if you played this game and lost both?
Yaakov Avinu had four wives. There is a precedent.
The way I see it, is that you should continue dating the guy you are with now. You never know. I think that if you are meant to marry the guy who was just suggested to you, Hashem will make it come around again, no matter the odds.
Kol, that would help the shidduch crisis…
What you want to do is keep someone on hold while you play the field. This depends how you do it. If you tell #1 the truth, I’m not sure right now, let’s take a break and I’ll think about it. In this case you aren’t misleading anybody. And if you don’t like #2, you can always go back to #1 (if he’s available). If the guy wants to wait, it’s not because you were misleading him because you never gave him any false hopes. I have the feeling this isn’t the case, because if it were you wouldn’t be asking the public’s opinion. I have the feeling what you want to do is keep #1 hanging thinking you’re interested in him, while you try out #2. Because by being honest and telling him you want a break, he might just say forget it and move on. You want to control the situation. This is the ultimate manipulation. Yes there are plenty of people who need to manipulate others in relationships. But is this the purpose of any relationship, let alone the most important relationship -the marriage institution-to manipulate others? A lot of people just want to get married, but what is the purpose of this marriage, just to control your spouse? Sadly, I’ve seen quite a few marriages like this!
We had the same problem. A boy that sounded amazing was redd to my daughter, by the time we said yes he was busy. My daughter started to go out with someone else that she was iffy about and in the mean time the first boy boy wasnt busy anymore but I told my daughter to forget about the first boy and concentrate on who she was going out with and guess what they got married and they are b’h so happy. I am not saying that this boy that is iffy will be the one, but if the first boy is your bashert he will be there when you are ready.
Another word of advice, never look back and think what about what if. It was not meant to be.
Hatzlocha
if you are even thinking about the other person, it is clear the one you are with is not for you…that being said “drop one for the other”…but don’t play both at the same time
#1 you have to remember to be thankful for what you have. i wish some of us had that conflict! be thankful your dilemma is that you have too many ppl to date vs. no one to date! May you have lots of clarity with whatever you chose….
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.