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lets say someone is very tense- personality and the situations they are in but they dont like it and would like to change. How can you train yourself to be calm?
I recommend you read the book “Choice Theory” by Dr. William Glaser. You would be very surprised to find out how much of what we do and what we experience is a matter of choice, and how we can Choose to do and react differently to what is going on around us.
The best thing to do is get up really close to the person and say clearly, “Calm down. You’re getting excited. It’s not a big deal. Calm down”. It is best to use calming hand gestures at the same time (arms out, palms facing downward, vertical motions).
If you are wearing protective gear (or if the person is significantly smaller than you), you can probably repeat this 3-4 times before you lose consciousness.
An exercise that works to calm someone especially in an anxiety attack is to try to hold hands look straight into their eyes and ask the person to breath with you. Then do deep breathing by breathing in through the nose hold for the count of 3 and then release slowly through your mouth. As s/he concentrates on following your breathing pattern s/he will calm down because whatever was triggering them will be replaced by this concentration.
this really worked for my friend. she has this tense nervous personality and it was actually hard for her to chill a bit….i on the other hand am B”H a chilled person… once i became friends with her she really got less nervous and became calmer…..get yourself a chilled friend!! i believe its the best thing!
Would anyone chill out if they had the work LOAD I have? Average 2.75 hrs sleep / day. O V E R Z O N K E D ! !
ZeesKite~ I hope you’re not serious about getting only an average of 2.75 hrs of sleep a night! please get more sleep so you’ll be in your very best, tiptop shape! physically & mentally, you’re not doing your body/mind any good; in fact, sleep deprivation can have adverse effects on you. hoping to hear some good, refreshed news from you soon!! TIA.
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speaking of calm… or not, as the case may be: my DH is getting a little freaked out that our house isn’t gonna be fully cleaned chometz-free in time for Yontif. I’m actually a little concerned, even tho’ he’s like this every year. I purposely asked him to look on the calendar & tell me when the 1st night of Pesach is (April 18th), & in the same breath he told me that the end of this week is April 1st already.
for at least the last 2 or 3 yrs. we’ve been finished with the kitchen a good few days, (a couple at the very least), before the Bedekes. our home now is progressing at a good pace, B’H.
hmmm, maybe’s he’s going with the glass half-empty theory? I KNOW we will iy’H be ready, but I feel now that I havta soothe his soul.
maybe I’d try aries’ hand-holding exercise with him, but it’s not his style… maybe a variation: speaking calmly straight into his eyes.
maybe feeling this desperation is what gives him the adrenalin to actually clean for pesach. some people work better under pressure – while others do not. 🙂
channel that extra energy elsewhere. go to the gym. go jogging. clean your house.
Laughter eases stress, and many other things, too.
music helps too. watch the yalili video
adorable, a tense personality will never turn into a chilled easy going type. the underlying typing will always be there. the trick is to be able to control that behavior.
it CAN be done!
yoga
Always: Last night I clocked in 5 hours. Starting to feel my head again. (ouch)
thanks for the update, Zees.. hoping to hear continuous news of a good night’s shluff 🙂
@ZeesKite: If you are driving while sleeped deprived you are putting yourself and others at risk. Very dangerous. I’m sure your Rav would agree.
i find it very calming when i think that hkbh only wants my good so whatever will happen will be good for me!
it really helps and is very reassuring!
walton157: I’m not driving now, I’m by a computer posting away (was driving before, after taping my eyes open). Problem is people who entrust their computer related work to me – they expect systematic and planned results. Shouldn’t count on someone who’s head can’t hurt (numb)!
always: Thanks. (I’m afraid to say more to come – on Shabbos!)
For some people in some situations, the following may work.
Think through the matter that worries you untill you can conclude that there is actually no need to worry. Once you trully realize that and believe your conclusion, you then realize that you are therefore not worried, since you know and believe that there is no reason to be worried. Although your heart is still heavy or racing, that is a physical issue. You can do something to calm your body until it catches up with the news.
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