Please Make Me Laugh

Points to Ponder:

– I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

– Bad decisions make good stories.

-I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

-I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

– How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

Did you see the Kommon Kiruv Blunders video? It was pretty good.

The last one reminds me of:

A guy walks into a dentists office and asks what it costs to pull a tooth.

Dentist: $500.

Man: That much?!

Dentist: Yep.

Man: Cant you do it for any less?

Dentist: Not really. The only way is to do it without using any novocain but most people cant handle that. You would need a pretty high tolerance for pain.

Man: Oh, dont worry about that. How much would it cost?

Dentist: Without novocain it would be $50.

Man: But you can do it, right?

Dentist: Well… yes. But again, most people wouldn’t be able to handle it… Are you sure about this?

Man: Oh, yes. Show him which tooth it is, dear.

~~~~~~~~

A man awaiting test results from a doctor finally gets a call.

Man: So?

Doctor: Well I have good news and bad news.

Man: Whats the good news?

Doctor: You have twenty four hours to live.

Man: And…

Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.

Sorry, joke telling isn’t really my thing 😉

*kapusta*

Stickynote, abcd2, Kapusta–

I loved them all!

Now, my friend told me this yesterday:

A new chassidish boys school opened, and in order to get government funding, they had to have the English Language as a subject at the school. The first day of school, the teacher sent the boys home, telling them to write a short essay on the word ‘devout.’

Now, little Shloimele went home that day, and being so confused, not knowing what the word meant, went straight to his older sister, Yittel, asking what it meant. Since she didn’t know either, so they went to look it up in the dictionary and it says… ‘Pious’

Shloimele, now knowing what to write, happily does his homework and brings it back the next day, and turns it in to the teacher.

The teacher looks at the paper, and asks him to read out his essay out to him. Shloimele reads it:

“My essay on Devout, by Shloimele:

My older brother has very long devouts, my middle brother has medium devouts, and I have short devouts.”

Teacher asks him to explain it since it doesn’t seem to make any sense. Shloimele responds, “well, I went home yesterday and since neither I nor my sister knew what the word meant, we looked it up, and it said pious.”

He continued, “So thats what I wrote about- My oldest brother has long payos, my medium brother has medium sized payos, and I have short payos”

Cute, huh?

It made me laugh, and I hope it does the same to you 🙂

Hope you enjoyed 😀

BasYisroel94

just smile, the whole klal yisroels with u!

thanx eclipse for this thread, i too appreciate the laughs, keep them coming.

This is true.

When I was growing up, my mother would take me to this store in Williamsburg, before it became gentrified, to buy children’s clothing. We lived in another part of Brooklyn. so one day, my mother gets curious and asks the shop owner, whose, despite being a Chassid, how a Jew got the name Sean Fergusson. yes, his name was Sean Fergusson. He said, that when he was on line at Ellis Island, he got really nervous as he approached the uniform clerk, he lost his voice from being so nervous, so when the immigration official asked, “Jew! What is your name?” The Chassid said he answered in Yiddish, “shoyn Fergesen”. (I forget)

The non Jewish official hear, Shawn Fergusson and that is what he wrote down. So, to this day, that is his name.