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Where did the prevalence that women not wash mayim achronim arise from? Is there a source for it?
ckbshl; I know a lot of MO GUYS who don’t hold from Mayim Achronim, either.
I had never seen a woman wash mayim achronim until i got married and saw my mother in law doing it. My father in law A”H held that women should wash. I felt kind of funny doing it, so sometimes I did and sometimes I didn’t. Now my husband and son have both been learning about it and insist my daughters and I wash.
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In my circle they do wash, but it is still not as mandated and hard wired as by the men. Perhaps it is because Tosafos says that in his day it was uncommon to wash, due to the fact that Sodom salt is not common anymore. We mostly do it as an Inion, and not for the danger aspect. Women usually do not do Inyanim.
1- The bach says it’s not really a chova anymore
2- Rav Shlomo Ganzfried (kitzur) says “harbeh mekilin”
I know many yeshivish guys who only wash mayim acharonim on shabbos. Does anyone know why?
My rabbi has been very emphatic that the chiyuv for mayim acharonim, IF it exists, is identical for men and women.
I know many yeshivish guys who only wash mayim acharonim on shabbos. Does anyone know why?
Rav Avrohom Blumenkrantz ZT`L used to tell me that both men and women should wash Mayim Achronim and that in his house he was very makpid on this.
Piskei Teshuvos 181:1 says that most women have the custom to not wash Mayim Achronim. This is because the halachic reason of “Sodomite salt” is according to many Poskim not relevent today, and the issue of unclean hands is also less relevent due to the use of cutlery. Moreover, women are generally not particular to observe those Halachos only rooted in Kabbalah. However,if a women notices that her hands are not clean she is obliged to wash them before reciting Birkas Hamazon.
I was told that everyone should wash before bentching but that women were often serving and therefore may have already washed (following the salt/before the bentching). If she hasn’t washed in the kitchen while serving (or whatever) then she should do MA with everyone else.
RebDoniol,
Thanks. That’s precisely what I wrote earlier. It seems that in the days of Tosafos it was not common by men, either, to wash Mayim Achronim. It was stressed later on because of the Sohd, and women usually don’t do Sohd things.
A girl in my class in high school used to wash mayim achronim. i thought it to be very amazing.
It is obligatory to wash the hands after eating, before reciting Birchas HaMazon, even if the hands are clean. This washing is known as “Mayim Achronim” (Shulchan Aruch Siman 181:1. See Mishna Berura ibid. S”K 1 regarding where Chazal derived this Halacha and some of its reasons)
Although the Shulchan Aruch quotes a more lenient opinion about this (in Siman 181:10), the Poskim are extremely stringent with this and dismiss the leniencies even nowadays, based on many deep kabalistic reasons, and implore everyone to be careful in the observance of Mayim Achronim (See Mishna Berura 181:21, Shl”a Sha’ar HaOsiyos, Kuf, Aruch HaShulchan 181:3 and 4, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch Siman 44:1. The Kaf HaChaim 181:27 writes that one that is lenient with Mayim Achronim, risks having his life shortened.)
Even those that are not careful with Mayim Achronim when eating with others, should be extra careful when eating alone, as the impure spirits can cause much more harm when one eats alone. (Kaf HaChaim 181:1. See also the piercing words of the Pele Yoetz in “Netilas Yadayim”)
Even those who are not so careful with Mayim Achronim during the weekdays, should be extra stringent with this on Shabbos and Yom Tov. (Leket Yosher in Hilchos Seudah, quoting the Terumas HaDeshen. See also Mateh Efraim Siman 583:4 and Siman 619:1 and in the Elef L’mateh ibid.)
In certain communities it is customary for women to also wash Mayim Achronim, while in other communities it is less prevalent for women to do so. Both Minhagim are acceptable. (See Aruch HaShulchan 181:5, Shu”t Teshuvos V’hanhagos Vol. 1 Siman 174, Shu”t Shevet Haleivi Vol. 4Siman 23 and Shu”t V’Yevarech Dovid Siman 30)
If one did not wash Mayim Achronim and recited Birchas HaMazon, he should wash after completing Birchas HaMazon, or even in the middle of Birchas Hamazon if he remembers, as it’s not a Hefsek as it is necessary for the Bracha.(Mishna Berura 181:2, Sefer Otzar haMayim Chapter 4:52 quoting Rav Chaim Kanievsky Shlita)
[from the wonderful Ben Olam Haba Web site]
Some explain that women tend to be more careful about maintaining personal cleanliness while eating; meticulously using cutlery, etc., and therefore need not wash their hands for mayim achronim. Others add that nowadays, with the absence of Sodomite salt, Mayim Achronim is merely a custom, and not required by law. Thus this custom is only binding on those who accepted it, which the women did not (Mor U’kitzia; Responsa Shevet Halevi).
milk5–I was about to mention that shevet halevi. Interestingly, he writes that it is only within those poskim who hold its a chumra that woman would not have to do it.
Lemaase, I find it very shver that so many people are not noheg with mayim acharonim.
Ruva deruva rishonim, and most acharonim hold its a chiyuv. Why ignore them when it’s so easy to do?
(And when I say most, I mean, Rambam, Geonim(they had a machlokes whether to make a brocha or not), rif, machzor vitri, ritva, ramban, shu”t min hashomayim, yam shel Shlomo, tur beis Yosef, chida, gra, shulchan aruch harav, chayey odom, Ari, Yalkut Reuveini, kitzur sh”a, Kol hamekubalim(as quoted by the Magen avrohom I believe) chida, mishna berura, Kaf hachaim, aruch hashulchan hold either it’s a chiyuv, or good to do). While tosfos, the rosh, and the darchei Moshe (not in a hagoh) hold it is no noheg. The aruch hashulchan says about tosfos, and mistoma it works for the rosh and Rama as well, that he was being lomed zechus on those who do not do it(look at their exact loshon). I do not understand why people ignore all these poskim, when it is clearly the rov.
It’s because of the yetzer hara.:)
Those who are accustomed to not wash mayim achronim is b/c nowadays we don’t have Sodomite salt, plus we eat with utensils (knives, etc.) so we don’t really dirty our hands. But, in practice, one should not be lenient with this mitzvah.
I remember hearing once at a melaveh malka a story:
Once a visitor came knocking at the door of a guy who had saved up a small fortune. He said to the woman who came to the door, “your husband requested that you give me the money” The wife obviously refused. So the the visitor said “your husband gave me a sign that you should believe me, you had such and such for dinner (meatballs and spaghetti?) So the wife believed him and handed over the money. The husband came home, and the wife told him that she gave the money as he requested. The husband flew into a rage and killed his wife. The thief had seen the remnants of the meal on the husbands face, and used the information to trick the wife.
Therefore, men wash mayim achronim.
They were lentils.
http://hebrewbooks.org/shas.aspx?mesechta=6&daf=83b&format=pdf
DY: Thank you. Figured must have been a messy meal ?
Poor wife. BD”E
Halacha for sephardim and kabblah – yes. Ashkenazim – minhag that we have adopted. stronger for men than women. Rav Yosef Chaim Zonnenfeld, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, Rav Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg, Rav Ovadia Yosef, Rav Mordechai Eliyahu, Rav Moshe Sternbuch, the Rivevos Efraim, and the Shevet HaKehasi[29], all rule that regardless of the rationale, women still should be vigilant with washing Mayim Acharonim.
Yes yes, we don’t have melach sdomis. But, as the Rambam says, there may be other salts with the same nature as melach sdomis. Also the aruch hashulchans chiluk between sea salt and other salts. Additionally, the amount of hot sauces, chilies, and charif spices and sauces used should require mayim acharonim for the same reason! In fact, I have heard second hand that Rav Mansour, did not do mayim acharonim, until he ate pizza, and after running his eyes had to go to the hospital do to the pizza spices.
If one washed their hands after a meal at the sink, would this fulfill his chiyuv, or does it have to be from a kli?
Better from a kli. Altz sakana, mistoma yotzei, altz kedusha, probably not.
Trivia–what liquids can you use for mayim acharonim?
Seltzer, preferably, since it’s usually the most convenient.
The Queen – That story is brought in the Gemara in Yoma.
After washing mayim achronim, people have the custom to clean their face (in the mouth area) of food residue.
Tzurich iyun on the Gemara, as according to some opinions, one should NOT clean his mouth area with this water as it is tamei.
dovrosenbaum – He fulfills the mitzvah of mayim achronim by washing his hands under the faucet, although the Gaon of Vilna was particular to wash from a kli with a full revi’is of water. He held that mayim achronim has the same laws as mayim rishonim (i.e., that both require a kli and a full revi’is of water).
secretagentyid – Ideally, only cold water, but b’dieved or b’shas hadchak, any beverage besides for wine or hot water.
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