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i had a freind y. he helped me and gave me????? for problems i had in the past .one day y. asked if m. can join since i know that kid is????? i said yes the next week y. stoped learnig the daf with me and insted with m.sudeenly y. m.bairley spoke to me if i asked to join he said no and that convincec m. not to speak with me either that hurt me bad i feel like giving up (dont want to learn)pls help
Ouch,that hurts.
Please correct me if I’m wrong,but I have a strong feeling you were learning EXTRA well,which the Soton hates,so he came along with this tricky test to make you lose your chayshek!
If you can beat this “down” feeling creeping over you,and get yourself AN EVEN MORE RELIABLE AND GESHMAK chavrusa right away–ahh!What a victory,on all counts!
I don’t think that’s a reason to give up your learning. Maybe try going over to Y. and ask in a straightforward and honest manner, something like, “Hey, what’s gotten into you? I noticed you’re ignoring me lately, have I done something wrong?” If it doesn’t help, try finding another chavrusa. I’m sure there are lots of nice guys in your yeshiva/kollel with whom you might feel comfortable. But, please, DON’T give up your learning because of that!!
itsonlyme,
Are you in Yeshiva? If yes, please realize that these teen situations do happen. Don’t tail someone who you want to be your friend. That will only give that person a very bad taste of you. I understand how you feel; you spilled yourself out to him and now he’s running away with your secrets. Over time, as you both mature, you may become friends again, albeit probably not with the same secret-sharing closeness.
Try getting other friends, but not by nagging or tailing. Be friendly to people. Be cautious, too. Don’t divulge anything that you don’t want getting out. As they say, “love many, trust few.”
You will get over this. Be patient and try to pick yourself up and be someone on your own. Try to have more than one friend. They don’t have to be best-best friends, but keep up with several people. That is an insurance plan for always having a friend.
You can’t base your love of learning and even interest to learn on your chavrusa. Obviously a person can change chavrusas many, many times. It is not a shidduch situation and sometimes you just have to move on. What he did was not right, but there is nothing you can do about another person’s choices or actions. The question is what do you want to do? Do you want to learn geshmak or do you want to use this as an excuse to walk away?
Find someone you can appreciate and will appreciate you, that is the only way to grow in any situation, whether it is in a friendship, marriage or ben adom l’chaveiro. For whatever reason he turned his back on you he owes you an apology or at the least an explanation, yet it is not your job to get it out of him. That is his responsibility. What is your responsibility in all this? Is it possible that he wanted to learn with the other boy all along and didn’t just want to drop you and go with him? If so he went about it the wrong way. So he is wrong but that doesn’t mean that you have to do anything wrong in retaliation. If your goal is to learn then walk around this obstacle and find someone else to learn with and stop pining for this relationship.
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