Beng picky in shidduchim

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  • #594422
    yogibooboo
    Member

    Why are people so picky? One girl I know is so picky that she is 25 and still not married 🙁 The second girl has to go by what the parents say. Meaning she wont go out with a boy whos parents are divorced because her mom wont let. What is this world coming to? Why are people saying “no” so fast. Girls only want the top guy in the top shuir in the top yeshiva, but what happens when hes a low life or an abusive person. Then what? The same with boys why do they only need a size 0-2 girl and only if her side is willing to give millions of dollars to the couple? Why does this have to be?

    #730920
    oomis
    Participant

    It has to be only if we allow it to be that way. Nothing happens in a vacuum.

    #730921
    watermelon
    Member

    I was literally told my “chosson” was a “future rosh yeshiva”…if all the talmidim were wooden shtenders, maybe.

    #730922
    tooperfect
    Member

    every person chooses for themselves how they want to deal with Shidduchim. Your friends that are being picky are choosing to be. Your friend at 25 is choosing her path, she would rather wait then have to ‘settle’ for less than perfect. But that’s her choice.

    I give everyone a Bracha that we should not be too picky when it comes to Shidduchim.

    #730923
    yogibooboo
    Member

    tooperfect-let me explain something to you. This girl who is 25…let me tell you what she is like. she has got it made she can have anyone she wants. the problem is is that the guy she wants is 3 guys in 1. meanign she sees how 3 different guys are and she decided she wants all that in 1 which is a very hard situation. then she never knows where she is holding each day and therefore cant decide what she wants. its a very sad sad situation.

    oomis-what do you mean?

    all in all many girls are being too picky. now another girl i know when i asked her what she wants she said a black hatter. when asked why she says because my father wears one so the guy has to. now if i told you what the father is like, he is far from a typical yeshivish blackhatter. people have got their priorities messed up and that is why there is a shidduch crisis

    #730924
    charliehall
    Participant

    “Mom won’t let???”

    She is an adult, she can date whomever she wants.

    If she is so unable to act independently of her parents, maybe she shouldn’t be married?

    #730925
    NotABochurAnymore
    Participant

    Are we really going to go through this again?!! Not EVERY boy who isn’t married or EVERY girl who is 25 (I guess that’s way over the hill. ridiculous to think that’s soooo old even for a girl. Yes, it would be great if she were married and she probably cries a lot that she isn’t and I feel bad for her, but let’s be real. 25 is not old.) and single is being picky. And all of you who keep up this type of attitude are guilty of the same thing you are accusing these people of: labeling and pigeonholing people into a very small number of possibilities. I recently heard a first-hand account of a mother who was asking information about a 26 year old boy and she asked “So why isn’t he married yet?” as though the fact that he was 26 and single was an indicator that there must be something wrong. Have we completely forgotten that Hashem runs the world? He is the one that has ultimate say on what happens in the world. What each person does and decides how to go about their life is THEIR choice. But rest assured, if the person was the most picky person in the world and Hashem wanted them married at 18, it would happen! And if they were the most flexible person in the world, Hashem may just have them waiting for many years to get married. This topic really is getting played out and I can’t understand why other people aren’t yet as sickened as I am.

    #730927
    koillel101
    Member

    Amen!! And everyone should find their zivug hagun bikuroiv mamesh!!!

    Amen ken ya’aseh hashem!!

    #730928
    real-brisker
    Member

    Whatever floats their boat!

    #730929
    smartcookie
    Member

    I’m glad people think they’ll EVER find Mr./Mrs. Perfect.

    It doesn’t exist. (Besides my hub of course :D)

    Seriously, every person has Maalos & Chesronos. Otherwise, why are we still here on this world?

    #730930

    It must feel frustrating to see people being too picky. I find it difficult to judge though, being “picky” shows a lot of seriousness in getting married- which helps avoid the “easy come easy go” attitude.

    Being too picky can lead to problems. Its a balance. Best to have a rav/rebitzen or trusted and trustworthy mentor to help…

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