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1) Never buy anything with ONLY one hechsher.
2) Hang a sign on your front door saying “ATTN LADIES, PLEASE USE SIDE ENTRANCE” (and if you don’t have a side entrance, even better).
3) Make sure you have separate freezers for milchigs and fleishigs (because you just never know).
4) When you take three steps back after Shemoneh Esrei, make sure that they’re large enough that you end up half-way out of shul.
5) Buy a movie ticket, take your seat, and davka NOT watch the movie.
6) Keep an updated, day-to-day cheshbon hanefesh on a Google doc.
7) Shuckle vigorously, as you read (out loud, of course) from the English side of an Artscroll gemara.
8) Send your kid to the furthest, appropriate cheder because of sechar halicha.
9) Only bring kosher, stuffed-animals into your house.
10) When you begin Ma’ariv, make sure you extend the “ve’hu” longer than anybody else.
Please feel free to add your own!!!
Mods – PLEASE!
agree with real brisker. Take this down; it isn’t even funny.
?????? ??? ???? ??? ??????
SHAME ON YOU.
As long as someone’s Frumkeit doesn’t effect you, you have no permission to make fun of them.
If they’re bothering you, then you can tell them, otherwise, it’s not your business.
If they decide to walk on the walls for some reason, you cannot poke fun at them either.
Top 10 Sure-Fire Ways to Make You Feel Ehrlicher:
1. Screen-name yourself Ehrlicheyid.
2. Think negatively about those who are frummer than you.
3. Make fun of them.
4. Look down on them and whine that they look down on you.
5. If you have nothing to say, start a thread about them.
6. If you have no sense of humor, just think of anything a meshugener would do and imagine a frummie doing it.
7. Constantly think of your tzidkus, especially your ????? ??? to keep far, far away from a chumra.
8. Denigrate ????? ????? whose followers are frummer than you.
9. Repeat 10 times a day the ???? ????? of ???? that were inscribed in the luchos: ???? ?????, ??????? ?????.
10. Turn the CR into a ???? ????.
OK, I laughed, loudly.
2) Hang a sign on your front door saying “ATTN LADIES, PLEASE USE SIDE ENTRANCE” (and if you don’t have a side entrance, even better).
…and I am female…
100% smartcookie
Very ehrlich of you! unlike the OP
Thanks you msseeker. I like your post.
Thanks, SC. I should edit the last one: TRY to turn the CR into a ???? ????. Geferlicheyid did not succeed B”H.
For some reason I am not nearly as offended by this as others, certainly not enough to personally attack the OP.
I have done some of these things, and I would do others if I could. But I can also laugh at myself. No, my kids do not own a litter of stuffed pigs. If I were fortunate to have two freezers, maybe I *would* have one fleishigs and one milchigs.
Maybe the talmid taking three steps halfway out of shul is trying to get away from the guy coughing and sneezing all over everyone?
Buy a movie ticket?? That’s what makes it funny. Google Docs? That’s actually a great idea, although I would just use good old Word…
I guess I would add, never say “Good Shabbos” to anyone, even when out of town and only passing 5 people walking to/from shul, but note I didn’t accuse one person of doing this – it seems to be an in-town “thing”.
MODS CAN WE PLEASE HAVE THIS THREAD CLOSED BY POPULAR VOTE!!!!!
Ehrlicheryid-it was very funny! thank you for bringing some humor into the CR and into my life! that was really great!
you know…you people are really overreacting. it’s a satirical analysis of what “frummaks” do that is completely ridiculous and unnecessary. lighten up…for heavens sake!
Blueprints- we don’t have to close every thread we don’t like.
I actually think it should stay open and we should all condemn his behavior here.
“No offense was meant…”
Well, what WAS meant? Perhaps the DEFENSE of frum yidden?
Midwest- you are very right about those holier than thou people who look down at others. That’s already called being Frum on someone else’s Cheshbon.
But the things that the OP pointed out, have nothing to do with him and it’s very wrong to ridicule others for trying to be Frum(as long as they respect your ways too.)
midwest2: ” The lead post is satire, and it was meant to be provocative. “
ABSOLUTELY 100% and it’s the job of the mods to CLOSE THESE THREADS
I am surprised by the response to this satirical post. I get offended by almost every conversation/argument in the CR and therefore don’t come often but I thought this was hilarious. I ONLY thought so because the OP was obviously picking things that people DON’T do and was just giving us a laugh at ourselves (himself included). It didn’t make fun of any political group or individual (as opposed to those who were supposedly offended by the rudeness but jumped right in with personal attacks and insults of their own). I cannot tell anyone what to take personally and what not, but I would definitely put my vote in the ‘meant no harm’ column.
Oh please everyone who got offended by ehrlicher realy has to learn to GET OVER THEMSELVES and TAKE THEMSELVES A LITTLE LESS SERIOUSLY…. ok, Hashem loves everyone, ok we all have our pet peeves and laughs and everyone don’t embarras yourselves and just chill please… let the mods busy them selves with more imp things
blueprints, depending on how the vote’s run, you might be surprised at the results…
Oh come on, people! This clearly was meant as a Purim-shpiel type post. What has happened to your senses of humor? There was nothing offensive written there. One line might have not been particularly funny to me,the one about shuckling when reading from the Artscroll Gemarah, but please – you really do not see the humor of a “side entrance for women” and there IS no side entrance???? That’s like the old joke where a door is marked
“Complaint Department” and when you go through it, it takes you outside the building.
I think that some people get offended a little too easily here, and find insult where none is intended. That is called being defensive, and it was not warranted in this case, IMO. The post was CLEARLY tongue in cheek. As we move more and more to the right, are we becoming as humorless as the Puritans? (And no offense was meant by that staement, either). No one should bash anyone, and that includes bashing the OP. THAT, I find offensive.
“Oh come on, people! This clearly was meant as a Purim-shpiel type post. What has happened to your senses of humor?”
Don’t you people realize yet? Only Joseph can decide what is “tzugepast” and what is not “tzugepast” for the CR.
He starts the most controvesial topics about anything from “is suicide against halacha?”, to “can a yid own a gorilla?”, to “if I eat my hat what bracha is it?, and “if you know what Bracha it is, do I need to make a sehecheyanu on it.”
I ONLY thought so because the OP was obviously picking things that people DON’T do and was just giving us a laugh at ourselves (himself included).
I know people who do some of those things and they are special people and no, they don’t look down at others.
I actually found it funny, I loved the one with ATTENTION LADIES, PLEASE USE SIDE ENTRANCE! Maybe I’ll put a sign like that up on my door Purim time!
I did not appreciate what msseeker wrote. msseeker accused a fellow Jew of looking down on others, making fun of others, denigrating Gedolay Yisroel, having no sense of humor, and has nothing to say. I don’t think writing was a nice thing to do…even though you don’t personally know Erliche Yid it does not give you the right to write lies and loshon horah. And if you look at Erliche Yid he does not name any specific person or group.
May all of us be zoche to become frummer and be ovday Hashem and increase our Ahavat Yisroel.
The OP was just trying to write a little satire. Stop bashing someone because you don’t automatically agree with it. It reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw and it said “have you changed your mind today yet?” and those people with that sticker are actually less likely to listen to an intellectual debate on a topic. They won’t change their mind even when their theory has been proved wrong.
mseeker- your comments were soo inappropriate for the CR. while the OP did not name any names, did not point out any particular group, and did not say “in city XYZ they do…” you still felt it necessary to say your first tip “have a screen name —“. Please refrain from name calling.
As others have said- stop the bashing! I prefer intellectual-style debates without name calling or pointing out something about the poster, rather than his arguments.
I agree with smartcookie. msseeker was right on.
- The topic ‘Top 10 Sure-Fire Ways to Make You Feel Frummer’ is closed to new replies.