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I’m 25 and a baalas tshuva, looking for a nice frum community (Yeshivish/Black Hat) in America where I can try living (boarding/nannying or with girls) and hopefully meet some shadchanim and a nice guy. But I’ve never really lived in a frum community outside of Israel. I’ve heard Baltimore, Passaic, Monsey, and Queens may be good. Any advice or suggestions?
My advice, for MANY reasons, ALL of them for YOUR good, – Stay in Israel!
I live in the Riverdale section of the Bronx. It is very friendly, and although the black hatters are outnumbered by the modern orthodox like me, we eat in each others’ kitchens, pray in each others’ shuls, and greet each other with Good Shabbos.
However, it is pretty expensive here (although much less so than Manhattan) and there aren’t that many singles.
I should also mention that in Riverdale you can’t tell the FFBs from the BTs from the gerim — everyone is a part of the community. I happen to think that is as it should be but if you want a place with a caste system you should not consider it.
go to a place where you have either some kind of relatives or good friends that can introduce you to other people.
The only place that I know is genuinely friendly and open to BTs is Los Angeles, CA(Pico/Robertson area) and Toronto. Baltimore is quite nice too.
Atlanta
The rabbis in the city are very kind, caring, and knowledgeable of the needs of baalei teshuva. Most of the city are baalei teshuva families and are warm and open-minded.
Plus, there are jobs out there!
If you’re in shidduchim, Brooklyn is the by far the best best location.
Charliehall; In your reply to HereWeGo you tell/ask her, rhetorically, that if she wants a caste system Riverdale is not for her. Why (on earth) would she want to live under a caste system. She is trying to escape from that , in Israel. From what I read in Israeli newspapers and magazines, the discrimination and standoff ishness against Baalei T’shuva in some circles is so strong that some even begin to regret their change in lifestyle. Some Yeshivas and seminaries will not even give them a chance to go through the door. Some people (in those places that DO discriminate) even tried to rationalize (Surely not justify.) their actions by saying that the students from BT families will have a negative influence on the others, due to the fact that they have non-religious relatives who teach them all the negative customs. It has come to a point where to be a BT is almost a stigma.
Definitely Brooklyn. No matter your type, you’ll find your like.
TMB
You couldnt be more wrong on the BT front.
Look in to Queens, Passaic and Baltimore.
Why would any frum community not welcome baalei teshuvim? And how can a community consider itself frum if it fails to observe the mitzvah of Ahavas Yisrael?
Brooklyn has a very large — and more importantly growing by leaps and bound — BT community.
TMB; When you say Brooklyn you have to be more definitive. Brooklyn is very large. I’m sure the OP (HereWeGo) will find her niche in some community. Now, the vast majority of Orthodox communities are welcoming everybody for the short term. But to settle in for the long term, it has to suit, both the newcomer and the longtime residents. I know of one Shul/Community in Midwood/Flatbush where (almost) everybody fits in on any level. Where the Rav and the Rabbanit welcome everyone with open arms and are actively taking interest in their physical and spiritual success. Namely. Rabbi Herbst’s Shul on E5th. Str.?
metro: Rav Herbst is a big tzadik.
TMB
The OP is a single Baalas Teshuva. Flatbush is not a great place for single Baalei Teshuva. Period.
sac its much better advice than Atlanta and does have many BT’s.
If she is in shidduchim, I think Flatbush is THE place to live. At least if she wants the best shot at getting dates.
arc
Did I say Atlanta?
HereWeGo
Are you looking for a fellow Baal Teshuva?
No you are not off base.
sac you didnt others did.
HWG
Great choice.
Hatzlocha!
I think Baltimore is a great choice. It’s very accepting and has a decent size baal teshuva community. There are also lots of singles, so you won’t have any trouble finding a roommate.
She needs a spouse more than a roommate.
HereWeGo – Baltimore is a lovely community and has a relatively low cost of living. It also is very baal-teshuva oriented. However, if one of your primary goals is finding a shidduch I would advise you to try and do a little more research before you decide to definitely move to Baltimore. It is my impression that it might be more difficult for you in Baltimore due to the fact that you are geographically 4-5 hours from the larger population centers. It also depends upon where you see yourself living long-term. If Baltimore feels right, then you probably should go there and trust Hashem to work out the details.
The OP mentioned she is Yeshivish and goes with a black hat?
Stay out of Brooklyn. You will simply get lost in the shuffle. It’s too big and there are no communities there the way there are Out of town. People are so worried about getting shidduchim for their own children that they’ll hardly have time for you. Remember, the epicenter of the “shidduch crisis” is NYC 🙂
Don’t restrict yourself to the East Coast, either. Check out Chicago, Cleveland, Denver. After living in Israel you wouldn’t like the impersonality of NYC.
Another solution would be to live in North Jersey. There are nice communities there and it’s within traveling distance of the “scene” in NY.
SingleP, that’s why I recommend Flatbush.
Have you spent a Shabbos or two in the communities you are considering? That’s usually a good way to get a feel for the population, shuls, etc.
Passiac – lived there 8 years. Lots of BT’s and lots of singles. Very open to all.
While NFGO3 makes a good point (that all communities should be accepting of BTs) fact is, the NYC metro area is just too big to get noticed if you don’t have roots put down. Growing roots take time, and time is the one thing a 25 y/o woman can not afford to waste.
Still, you go where the jobs are, so if NYC is the place you’re headed, get an apt anywhere you can afford and make the Upper West Side of Mantahhan your home away from home. If a single BT stands a chance of getting noticed, that would be the most logical choice.
There are great things about both Passaic and Baltimore. Baltimore is MUCH more affordable.
Passaic, Passaic, Passaic, Passaic 🙂 🙂 🙂
HereWeGo – As SinglePicky pointed out, Baltimore may not be the best place to move to for somebody in shidduchim. But hatzlocha rabah wherever you chose to go!
For anyone in shidduchim, Brooklyn is the way to go.
And there are more single BT’s in Flatbush, then anywhere else in the US. So there is your answer.
You probably need a community more than a shidduch. I’d say look for a community you can be part of, and the shidduch will hopefully come.
TMB
“And there are more single BT’s in Flatbush, then anywhere else in the US”
I would like to challange that statement. Do you have proof?
Sac
Name me a place that is even close. There is none. This is despite the fact no a accurate statistics exists about Orthodoxy on any issue one way or another.
Try to stick to bigger B/T cities that have a community that is concentrated in one area not so spread out.
Miami Beach which has a frum area but I would not recomend it to B/T or not B/T. Same with North Miami Beach because of shiduchim. However Boca Rattan has a very active B/T community and is a safe place to live even though jobs are hard to find.
Monsey is a great choice since it has a B/T yeshiva- Ohr Samaeach and is close to NYC for work. Same with Passaic NJ.
It also depends where you feel you can fit into. Teaneack NJ, and the upper West Side of Mahattan are good for the Modern Othodox crowd
The Pico Robertson area of LA has a nice B/T community but you are limited to shaduchim on the west coast.
Queens or Passaic would be my choice. Well blended communities with incredible amounts of chesed. And close enough to Brooklyn to go there whenever the mood strikes, but the capability to live in a community where people say Good Shabbos to everyone. Lots of singles in both. What type of work do you do? Without a job, you’re nowhere.
I recommend Far Rockaway, in the southeast corner of Queens, and on the border of the Five Towns. There are many opportunities to meet a nice guy, which includes both FFBs, and BTs from Yeshiva Shor Yoshuv. There are many yeshiva, shuls, and restaurants. Public transportation is the Long Island Rail Road, and the A train subway. Brooklyn will be overwhelming for you, and you’ll get lost in the sauce. Passaic is mostly BT families. Monsey is too far away from New York, and too Chassidish. Baltimore is very FFBish.
TMB
Name a BT Yeshiva in Flatbush. We can got through every other city and name their BT Yeshivos, but I think it would be easier to start off naming the ones in Flatbush. Go.
Sac
Don’t be silly. Even though I don’t live in Flatbush or know Yeshivos well anywhere even outside that neighborhood, there are tons of such Yeshivos there.
TMB
I’ll make it easy on you then. FLATBUSH DOES NOT CATER TO BAALEI TESHUVA!
I live in Flatbush, and I have dated MANY Baalei Teshuva, it is no coincidence that none of them LIVED in Flatbush.
Passaic, yes. Monsey, yes. Baltimore, yes. Queens, yes. Far Rockaway, yes. Flatbush…. No. That is not to say that there is not one Baal Teshuva living in Flatbush, but what the OP is looking for is a community that will meet her needs as a Baala Teshuva, one where she wont get lost in the shuffle and one where she can meet a fellow Baal Teshuva. Unfortunately, Flatbush does not fit the bill.
I lived in flatbush before I got married and found my shidduch there, as well as have dated many BT’s from there. Flatbush has a large and thriving single BT community that is unparalleled anywhere outside of Eretz Yisroel.
Vis a vis shidduchim, ,ultimately, it’s not as important where you live as who you know and who knows you. Do you have people to visit in various communities on Shabbos and Yom Tov? A boy could be learning in a totally different city, if it’s besharit, it’ll happen. But you do need to consider which communities will be supportive of wherever it is you’re holding, and will encourage you to continue to grow.
Still voting for Queens, Passaic, and yes, Far Rockaway is a great choice too. However, they come under the “Queens” umbrella, even if they don’t admit it. If there were a way to private message on YWN, I’d be able to extend an invite to you for a Shabbos in my community (which is outside of Brooklyn, of course).
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