- This topic has 157 replies, 75 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 11 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
Any funny questions you were asked about a boy/girl?
i’d try to put her in her place and say something like “i don’t really pay attention i’m not sure, but who care’s” (its true that i never really pay that much attention to these things sooo…
secondly , if they’re asking such questions, if it was for a shidduch for my child / something, i’d already put up a red flag. Is that important???
Someone once asked me if the person is fat. I said that I would not use such a subjective term.
So they said, well, on a scale from 1 to 400…
Here’s one but I think that unfortunately people have gotten used to it and don’t realize how crazy it is. “Is she pretty/ is she skinny”. First of all, what guy doesn’t want a pretty girl?? but beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and i’d like to say that all people have something beautiful about them. I won’t say it because someone might pick it out and bash it so just know it think it. And so your gonna turn down a shidduch because someone doesn’t think the girl is pretty?!?! Gosh! And anyways, everyone has different tastes! Additionally, iyH after the skinny girl has kids, who says she will stay the same size?!? Would you rather have someone who is skinny or someone who bH has kids? like what once she’s fat you’re gonna drop her chas ve’shalom. (not that people aren’t necessarily skinny after they have children. Some things I always would love to answer a question like that is “Well before I answer you, I know that the girl actually had the same question as you. She wants to know what size YOU are because she only wants a mother in law who is a size two or four.” Or something like “is that’s what’s important to you? I don’t think she would want a mother in law who cares so much about those types of things. She doesn’t need a mother in law looking down her back to make sure she’s always skinny either. she doesn’t want that type of pressure.” I don’t know what I would say but I do know that if I get called up for shidduchim I would start off with a disclaimer ” Before you tell me the name of the girl that you want information about, I just want to let you know that I do NOT give information about looks/ weight.” That way if she asks you and you didn’t say that and the girl happens not to be gorgeous and not to be skinny, you’re not in an awkward situation that if you would say “oh I don’t answer questions like that” they might assume she’s fat/unattractive and that you are avoiding the question. Maybe there is a shidduch crisis because people are focusing more on the looks of the person then the looks of the inside of a person and who they are, not how much they weigh. It’s just an idea though I know that obviously that’s not the reason. Whatever the case, this whole post was just my view, I understand people have different view then me but either way, I wish everyone Hatzlacha in finding the right one quickly and without any pain or hardship for them and for their children…. Hatzlacha.
I came home from yeshiva one day and my mother says, “Quick Avi, get up against the wall”. Before I had a chance to ask what was going on she moved me to the wall and told me to wait there while she gets a tape measure.
She comes back a minute later and says, “don’t move while I measure you”.
“Uh,can you explain what’s going on?” I asked.
“Yeah, Mrs. ______ called to suggest a girl but the girl only wants a boy that’s over 5’7″ tall”
“Darling Mom?”
“Yes”
“If you’re 5’8″ and I’m a few inches taller, don’t you think I’m tall enough?” (My Mom for sure knows inequalities, right?)
“She made me promise that I’d measure you as soon as you got home, so I had to”.
(According to the shadchan the girl was short but looking for a tall boy, since that was the only thing she cared to ask we did not pursue the shidduch.)
Someone asked me to get a paper with my friends handwriting for her.
While many of you will say that’s typical and normal, I think it’s absurb and pure geneivas daas.
OK, I think I am going to win on this one! When my daughter was dating over 12 years ago, someone asked where MY mom went to school. MY MOM, not only me and my daughter. I answered Aushwitz, any other questions??????? Nope, not even one. Needless to say, I didn’t pursue that shidduch either.
I have also been asked what color tablecloth the family uses on Shabbos, and if they use crystal glasses and china, etc. I say that I don’t answer stupid questions, and if they want their future daughter-in-law to set a beautiful table, she would most assuredly be thrilled to accept a set of Rosenthal china, sterling flatware, and waterford crystal from her mother-in-law.
If she would be a boy would she have a “tchup”? (large hair in the front). My answer was that if she would be a boy I would not know her.
My mom was a 5th grade teacher. Someone called her for information about a former student. Her answer was- I hope she matured since my class. They wanted to know “why, was she very imature for a 5th grader?”
Does s/he take vitamins? (Someone told me that they ask that, because then they ask if s/he takes a lot of vitamins – they want to know if the person is on any medications.)
I copied this from a different thread (instead of typing it all over again).
A friend received a call for information about me after I had told the shadchan that I felt the girl she suggested wasn’t for me. (The friend knew I wasn’t interested but due to a communication error the shadchan told the mother I had agreed to go out with her daughter.)
He decided to answer all of her “brilliant” questions with even better answers.
Mother-in-law of the year: “So what is he looking for in a wife?”
Mr. Friend: “I honestly don’t know, I got engaged before he was even thinking of dating and we never had a serious discussion about what he is looking for.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “If you had a sister of marriageable age, would-“
Mr. Friend: “I actually do have a sister who is currently on the market.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Well, would you let your sister go out with him?”
Mr. Friend: “No way, I wouldn’t even consider it.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Why not?”
Mr. Friend: “My sister is looking for a long term learner and he is going to college and plans to get a job after a few years of Kollel.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “What if that’s what your sister is looking for, then would you let them go out?”
Mr. Friend: “For sure, I would have set them up along time ago.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Let’s say he marries my daughter and they have a child together. If the baby wakes up in middle of the night, will he take care of the baby or would he make my daughter get out of bed?”
Mr. Friend: “To tell you the truth, in all the years we’ve been roommates that situation never came up.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “OK, I see. Let’s try another scenario. Let’s say they get married and they go to the wedding of one of her friends. Being that he doesn’t know anyone there- will he dance during the dancing or just eat?”
Mr. Friend: “I actually thought of that question myself recently and decided to see for myself what he would do when he is at a wedding where he doesn’t know anyone, but since I was there and he knew me I couldn’t find out.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “My husband gives the 6:00 A.M. Daf Yomi Shiur at our shul every morning, would he be prepared to give it if my husband has to go out of town?”
Mr. Friend: “I don’t get up before 9:00 A.M. so I don’t know what he is capable of doing at 6 in the morning.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Can you please put your wife on the phone?”
Mr. Friend: “Sure, but she doesn’t know him at all.”
Mrs. Friend: “Hello, nice to speak with you.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Can you do me a favor? Go get your rolling pin and whack your husband over the head until you knock some sense into him.”
Mr. Friend (taking back the phone): “I can’t say for sure what he is looking for but I can say for sure what he is not looking for.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “What’s that?”
Mr. Friend: “He definitely does not want a violent mother-in-law!”
She actually called the shadchan to say she was interested and the shadchan had to tell her that she made a mistake and that I had never agreed in the first place.
The mother then asked another shadchan, who is also a family friend, to personally suggest the shidduch, but again it was turned down.
Dr. Pepper, that was worth repeating that post!!!! I am still laughing (and crying, because unfortunately there are such shvigers out there), from the last time I rad this.
I remembre posting that someone called me about a shidduch for her son, to enquire about a lovely young lady whom I knew since birth. I was asked all types of really irrelevant questions (what type of jobs do her in-law siblings hold, are her parents calm people (and if they weren’t, would a person who was given as the girl’s personal “reference” answer that?), etc. After patiently answering her foolish questions for almost half an hour, and emphasizing what a sweet, beautiful (inside and out), baalas middos this girl is, this was the only comment she made. “But I heard the girl is very short (true, she is 5′ tall), and I don’t want short grandchildren!”
After mamesh wasting so much of my time on the phone with her, with her mind made up from the outset, all I could think to say was, “How tall or short our children and grandchildren will be is up to the Aibishter. Tall parents have been known to produce short kids, and short parents have had tall ones or any combination thereof. This girl is a special, beautiful, smart, and wonderful girl from a wonderful, loving family. If that’s not what you are looking for, then I guess there is nothing left for me to say. The boy who gets her will be very lucky. Hatzlacha rabbah.” And I hung up.
I’m not sure this can be classified as funny, but certainly as weird. Afriend from yeshiva had gone out with a girl 3-4 times and things were progressing nicely when we (my roomate and I in yeshiva who were freindly with him) received a call from the father of this girls. “Do you know him well?”. Yes. “We heard he walks with a limp, is this true?” Hasn’t your daughter gone out with him 4 times already? During the course of 4 visits to your home, have you seen a limp? Has your daughter? “No”. Then why are you asking us something already verified by your own eyes, as well as those of your wife and daughter, 4 times. “Well, people are saying…..” Well, we don’t know what to tell you other than, the next time he is at your house, observe closely.
On the next date, he challenged the father and all her brothers to a race around the block. After they were engaged, he beat all her brothers in that race.
Someone said she once had a caller asking about another girl: “if this and this girl was an animal, which animal do you think she would be?”
Sorry, don’t recall what her response was.
Also probably posted before, but worth repeating:
Shadchan: Do you use disposables or china?
Me: We use disposables, but treat it like china. (we’re from the poor side of BP)
Sigh….
… and we’re supposed to be an am navon v’chacham.
The Wolf
Just to add on to live4Hashem who wrote about if the girl is pretty-I got a call regarding a friend of mine and the caller wanted to know all the unimportant stuff like height, weight, hair color…Then she asked me if she is pretty. (it happens to be she is) So I told her that as a general rule I do not answer such questions as its unfair since beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and my opinion has nothing to do with anything. To which the caller immediately said, “oh so shes not pretty-right?” I said I have yet to meet a really ugly girl as e/o has a prettyness to them-but just bec. im not answering this question please don’t assume anything. Anyway to make it short she asked me to give her a name of another friend as she didn’t like my answers so she figured another girl wld give her better ones…I was not impressed.
p.s. Usually when s/o calls me their first question is if its a good time for you… But by this one it was just straight to the point (just a lesson in middos…)
I was once asked the “animal question” by a shadchan. I replied, a lion. I would bite your head off for asking such a stupid question. Needless to say, that meeting was over and I never received a call from that shadchan.
Someone once asked me about a neighborhood fellow is who at least 40 years old, what high school he went to and where he went to camp. I replied I dont know, but if you dont mind my asking why is it relevant what he did 20+ years ago, I would hope at 40+ he is not the same person he was when he was 17.
To: BP Totty – a question like that about disposables or china deserves an answer like this…
B”H we are sufficiently well off that we dispose of our china after one use. It’s so annoying to our sleep-in housekeeper to have to make her wash it, and we enjoy always shopping for new designs.
oomis1105-
In all fairness to the mother we were warned that she and some of her children- although not the girl or her father- suffer from some sort of severe emotional disorder.
The shadchan, through sheer negligence, told the girl I agreed to go out with her before I gave an answer. When I told the shadchan I wasn’t interested she said it was too late because she already told the girl that I was interested.
After I told my friend what happened; the girls mother called him for information. As hard as he tried to get her to say no, it didn’t work.
I asked my Rebbe if I should go out with her anyway in order to not hurt her feelings but he said that since I never committed it was the responsibility of the shadchan to let the girl know in a sensitive manner.
Is it any wonder there is a shidduch crisis? Every single Rav in every single shul should speak every Rosh Chodesh on the importance of concentrating on the right issues when searching for a shidduch for our children. Every single RAV in every single shul and every single yeshiva should speak on the ridiculousness of these foolish and outlandish questions and issues brought up in the investigative process. Maybe then we can get back to the issue at hand, and that is finding the bashert Hashem has chosen for our children.
I once had s/o ask me what color eyes my friend has!! who cares what color eyes she has?!?
I have no idea what color eyes ppl have. Thats one thing I dont notice!!
I have no idea what color eyes ppl have. Thats one thing I dont notice!!
Heh. I’m like you.
At one point, after Eeees and I had been dating for a few months, we were talking on the phone and she asked me what color her eyes were. I had no idea, so I guessed.
I guessed wrong. 🙂
She still married me anyway. 🙂
The (unobservant) Wolf
Wolf-
I don’t want to be responsible for shaking up your marriage, but I am seeing a different perspective in your story. Perhaps she married you because you did not know, and not despite the fact. You see, she always wanted to change her eye color, but never knew what you would think of it. Therefore, when you said you did not know, she was able to run out and get the color-changing lenses she always wanted and pretend that it was her eye color all along.
Check the lens case next time you get a chance and let us know.
🙂
“I asked my Rebbe if I should go out with her anyway in order to not hurt her feelings”
Lucky Mrs. Dr. Pepper, to have such a thoughtful husband.
A pet peeve of mine when it comes to shidduch “questions” is asking about things people did TWENTY years ago. One time someone asked me about the camp an almost 40 year old attended, and I replied, i think you misunderstood a maamar chazal. They said you can tell a person by three things, “Kiso, Kaaso and Kooso”, by harping on the camp this person may have attended 20+ years ago, I suspect you have a girsa “UbiKamp”. The conversation went downhill from there.
I once replied to the question “what does the father do for a living” with “he manages real estate”. I figured it sounded a lot less spooky than “he manages a cemetery”.
I put this in another post- but i want to say it again. A caller asked s/o what seminary does the girl attend. The answer was a good seminary but not the one that this lady had in mind for her son. To which the person said- so what if your son goes out with my daughter and they like each other even though she did not go to this particular seminary. To which the caller said that that is what she is afraid of that they will go out and like e/o and chas vesholom get married and then I (the mother) won’t get my ____seminary girl!!! I couldn’t beleive this.
a mother of an only son (no daughters either) called to inquire what size my daughter(who was suggested for her son) was. I answered she is a person not a size. So the woman persisted in knowing if she isn’t bigger than a certain size (I forget what size), so I answered she sews her own clothes and there are no labels in them. Well, she wasn’t interested in the shidduch. I think she wanted an anorexic daughter in law for her precious only child, who probably wouldn’t know the difference if he met a size 2 or a size 10, since he didn’t have any sisters. I should have asked the mother what size she was!
I don’t know about her dress size, but her IQ was likely smaller than her shoe size.
These posts are just making me so sad… People are unbelievably petty.
When was the young lady toilet trained? Seriously! They didn’t mean to see if she was advanced, they wanted to determine if the mother was pushy or not. Has this gotten out of control or what?
And we wonder why there is a shidduch crisis?
aside from the stupid questions, don’t people realize it is gezel zman?
I remember one such girl called my reference, spoke for half an hour with him and then agreed to go out with me. I turned her down in about 10 seconds because she lived a few states away and for some other reasons. She didnt bother to ask my reference once during the half hour conversation if I would travel for a date.
Another person once called and spoke to my reference for half an hour after which the girl wouldnt go out with me. I guess she liked my reference more than me.
Apparently it is also common to not give your name when you are calling about someone. That’s just rude. It’s one thing not to give the girls name but if you are asking someone to talk to you show some derech eretz and give your name
Apushatayid, do you have a little brother, with your sense of humor, to set up with my 12yo daughter?
The Wolf wrote:
“At one point, after Eeees and I had been dating for a few months, we were talking on the phone and she asked me what color her eyes were. I had no idea, so I guessed.
I guessed wrong. 🙂
She still married me anyway. :)”
It’s funny you should mention that. I came into NY to go out with a girl, and I stayed with my cousin and my aunt and uncle. (They lived across the street from each other.) I knew when I spoke to them the morning after the date they would ask me what color the girl’s eyes were, so I specifically made sure to look. They were impressed that I knew the color; I eventually married the girl!
Someone asked what kind of tablecloth they use? I told them burlap.
They wonted to know what is burlap I said it is very fancy material.
IT is used for potato sacks.
A Rov at a shiur recently said he heard the following: “I hear the boy’s siblings have runny noses. I don’t want……”
I didn’t know that runny noses was hereditary. Should Dor Yeshorim be testing for this? 🙂
basmelech-
You finally got me to post a story I’ve been restraining myself from writing for who knows how long.
The shadchan was a close family friend for many years, before I was even born. She mentions an out of town girl with all the maalos a guy can only dream of. I agreed with out doing any research since I trusted her so much, but I did run her name by a friend who lived near her.
Until I started dating I never had any reason to know what sizes meant or who is what size, so when I heard that she is a size 26 I just assumed it meant a 26″ waistline, considerably smaller than mine at 34″ and consistent with the description of her being very slim.
Well, I figured out pretty fast that it meant something else.
Someone once told me that she got a call from a mother who wanted to know if the girls dress size is in the single digits. This lady replied, “Well thats exactly how your son will remain- single if you ask such a stupid question.” And she promptly hung up the phone.
” This lady replied, “Well thats exactly how your son will remain- single if you ask such a stupid question.” And she promptly hung up the phone. “
Yasher koach ro her.
Re: the runny noses — that question, believe it or not, is not so out of line if a)the fear was that they have a STRONG family history or allergies, which CAN be problematic and is hereditary, or b) they were commenting that the children in that family always seem ill and not well cared-for, because their noses are always runny.
When I was dating (over 20 years ago) a Shadchan called my mother to ask if they would support. My mother replied that I was in computers – making a good salary – and would support myself. Then the Shadchan (not being satisfied with that answer) asked if I had saved money over the years that I had been working. My mother replied that I had. So the Shadchan suggested that my parents take the money that I had saved and pretend its theirs – and then support me with it!!!
Needless to say – I did not go out with that guy but did live a Kolel life for 15 years.
oomis, If that was truly the case, it should have been worded that way. Runny noses seems benign compared to “prone to illness” or “history of allergies.” My wife is allergic to certain food types and only one of my children has allergies that are mostly unrelated to hers.
;
A shadchan called my inlaws and asked the usual support questions. my inlaws replied “our kids are not for sale” and hung up the phone.
apushatayid-
My favorite is when the boys parents asked the girls parents straight out how much they are willing to support.
“Send him over so I can give him a faher and see how much he’s worth!” her father replied.
Dr. Pepper, A girl’s father is _supposed_ to give a faher to the potential son-in-law.
Which reminds me. A godol (I forget which) gave a faher to a potential shidduch for his daughter. He did very well. Nevertheless he decided to give a second faher to be sure, prior to allowing the shidduch to go through. The bochor said no problem, but if you want to faher me a second time I will need to first faher you. He then demonstrated from the meforshim that he is supposed to marry a bas talmid chochom and has a right to verify as such. The first faher the potential father in law is given rights to, altz derech eretz, even though it is the bochor who has the greater obligation to marry a bas talmid chochom. But before he can administer a _second_ faher, now he has a right to first faher the girls father to insure he is marrying a bas talmid chochom!
I don’t recall if he said this pshat altz a little joke or was serious. Either way the godol called off the shidduch.
That bochor became the Chasam Sofer (I believe.)
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.