Home › Forums › Humor & Entertainment › Nursery Rhymes For Jews
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September 23, 2009 6:15 pm at 6:15 pm #590484mepalMember
Mashie has a little mind
Little mind, little mind
When it comes to Mashie’s mind
There’s little she need know
Teach her how to cook and clean
Cook and clean, cook and clean
Teach her how to cook and clean
And watch her children grow
Baa, baa, black hat
Have you any gelt
Yessir, yessir
I’ve a money belt
Some for my family
And some for the poor
But none for the tax man who knocks at my door
Hey-diddle-diddle
There stands a Yid’l
Sanctifying the moon
Tomorrow he’ll shiver
Kneel down by the river
And dip in two plates and a spoon
Little Moshe Yoel
Sat in a kollel
Learning his Pe’ah and Demai
His wife works all day
While he shteigs away
And thinks, What a smart boy am I
Halivni-Weissni sat on a wall
Couldn’t decide on which side to fall
All the frum soldiers in Tziv’os Hashem
Couldn’t convince him to be one of them
Rabbi Plott would eat what’s glatt
His wife ate Triangle-K
Their kids did not know what to eat
And so they ran away
Three tiny bugs
Three tiny bugs
See how they run
See how they run
They live in lettuce and broccoli
In cauliflower they hide from me
My microscope makes them clear to see
The three tiny bugs
Three tiny bugs
Sing a song of past tense
Of Jewish days gone by
When we lived in Europe
Nobody was frei
When the ghettoes opened
Off maskilim ran
But the shtetl always stayed
A Torah wonderland
Everyone knew Torah
Loved it more than money
No one had to work in that
Land of Milk and Honey
And though we’re now in Golus
In an Age that’s Dark
We’ll try to rebuild Poland
Here in Borough Park
Little Miss Alpert
Sat in an airport
That was her first shidduch date
She thought the guy wore a very nice tie
The chasenoh is Sunday at eight
September 23, 2009 6:17 pm at 6:17 pm #885873Poshite Yid 613Membercool
September 23, 2009 6:19 pm at 6:19 pm #885874the.nurseMemberomg mepal, hysterical!! i like the last one the best 🙂
September 23, 2009 6:26 pm at 6:26 pm #885875mepalMember😉 You can share your own as well!
September 23, 2009 6:28 pm at 6:28 pm #885876Poshite Yid 613Memberchrein chrein go away come again on saturday
September 23, 2009 6:31 pm at 6:31 pm #885877I can only tryMemberHickory dickory dock
My sukkah came with a fine shlok
The rain goes by
But I stay dry
Hickory dickory dock
Hey diddle diddle
The man in the middle
The shadchan comes into the room
The young siblings laugh
At their big sister’s gaffe
When she says “IY’H by me soon”
September 23, 2009 6:38 pm at 6:38 pm #885878the.nurseMemberOMG ROTF you guys are so funny!!
September 23, 2009 6:42 pm at 6:42 pm #885879Poshite Yid 613MemberShidduch crisis is falling down
falling down
fallingdown
Shidduch crisis is falling down
so close the age gap!
September 23, 2009 7:09 pm at 7:09 pm #885880I can only tryMemberHey yiddle yiddle
your house is too little
can you add a second wine cellar?
to fit with our crowd
be rich and be loud
and have more cash than a Rockefeller
September 23, 2009 7:10 pm at 7:10 pm #885881mepalMemberHey! You guys are great! Keep them coming!
September 23, 2009 7:30 pm at 7:30 pm #885882I can only tryMemberLeah Locket lost her pocket
Kayla Fish returned it
hashovas aveida was her goal
not the reward: she spurned it
September 23, 2009 7:33 pm at 7:33 pm #885883mepalMembersqueak, have you got any to share?
September 23, 2009 8:28 pm at 8:28 pm #885884areivimzehlazehParticipantnice goin here 🙂
great thread idea
September 23, 2009 8:36 pm at 8:36 pm #885885squeakParticipantyou know I do 🙂 🙂 🙂
September 23, 2009 9:16 pm at 9:16 pm #885886I can only tryMemberJack’s still nimble
Though now he’s bigger
Now he runs
From his sharp-tongued shvigger
Little Jack Finkel
Sat in a vinkle
eating his Hamantash
a bagel & lox
would be his first choice
but he has no kvertel to wash
Mirel Scheiner
Quite a whiner
how does your garden grow?
“my bluebell would make me kvell
it’s just that it grows so slow”
Mary had a little lamb
Her father was a farmer
It followed her to school one day
For lunch they had schawarmer …(shhh – don’t tell PETA about this one)
Old King Cole was a merry old soul
But one day he was feeling feeble
He asked his advisers to take a poll
If he should build a nearby shteeble
The shul came equipped with a top notch rov
to help the king daven to the one above
Also, for the singles it had a shadchan
& for when he was sad it had a member badchan
When davening finished (at 12 o’clock)
The oilam had a chulent – azah geshmak
The tzibur came from miles around
for the overnight kugel (thoroughly browned)
you can come on yomtov and buy an aliyah
our door’s always open, we’ll be happy to see ya
September 23, 2009 9:21 pm at 9:21 pm #885887areivimzehlazehParticipantHear yee hear yee
The mods will be back
Just show some loyalty
To the Grand CR community
Stick around and cut the mods some slack
September 23, 2009 9:48 pm at 9:48 pm #885888sammygolMemberBetween Mepal and CanOnlyTry – you guys are funny!! Very, very good.
September 23, 2009 9:50 pm at 9:50 pm #885889areivimzehlazehParticipantICOT- I like em! especially since you spelled it chUlent :):)
September 23, 2009 10:09 pm at 10:09 pm #885890I can only tryMembermepal-
Your rhymes were hilarious!
Thanks for the invite.
Poshite Yid 613-
areivimzehlazeh-
Yours, too.
(I seem to have inadvertently chosen a side in a major ch[u/o] [gong].)
squeak-
nu?
the.nurse-
sammygol-
Thank you.
September 23, 2009 10:18 pm at 10:18 pm #885891Poshite Yid 613MemberTo learn or not to learn. That is THE question.
(a quote from Velvel Shakspiro
September 23, 2009 11:31 pm at 11:31 pm #885892mepalMemberThank you, nurse, areivim, sammy gol, ICOT. But honestly, lets give credit where credit is due. These are not my originals! 😉
September 24, 2009 9:03 am at 9:03 am #885893mominisraelMemberthe eensy weensy spider crawled up the water spout
Mrs. Balebusta saw it and it caused her to pout,
up came the broom to wipe it all away
and the eensy weensy spider did not crawl up again!
September 24, 2009 9:16 am at 9:16 am #885894mominisraelMember(i don’t know if my other post got deleted or went thru.sorry if this is a double!)
Yaakov and Yehudis went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Yak fell down
and broke his bone
so Yehudis said refuah sheleima!
Little Miss Molly
lost her dolly
and didn’t know where to find her
Leave it alone
someone will bring it home
to fulfill hashavas aveida!
September 24, 2009 9:24 am at 9:24 am #885895mominisraelMemberOld Baba Hubbard
went to her cupboard
to get her ainekel a treat
When she got there
the supply wasn’t there
that Yankel ate it all, the cheat!
There was a dear mama
who lived in back of a shul
she had so many children,
and so much to do
so she fed them some supper,
kissed all their heads,
said the shema
and sent them to bed!
September 24, 2009 1:06 pm at 1:06 pm #885896mepalMembermominisrael: Very cute!
September 24, 2009 4:22 pm at 4:22 pm #885897I can only tryMembermy yingle just turned six; hence
he’s now learning bereishis
a chumash party made sense,
nothing ostentatious
the zaidys and the bubbys
sat in the back kvelling
the viber and their hubbys
enjoyed their kids’ tzushtelling
the party worked out just right
it was a great success
but then I was up all night
from noshing to excess
September 24, 2009 4:35 pm at 4:35 pm #885898YW Moderator-72ParticipantWolf Ber went up to the mountains,
Wolf Ber went up to the mountains,
Wolf Ber went up to the mountains,
To see his family.
And all that he could see,
And all that he could see,
Was 60 miles of traffic,
Was 60 miles of traffic,
Was 60 miles of traffic,
So. he spent Shabbos in Monsey.
September 24, 2009 4:38 pm at 4:38 pm #885899mepalMemberLOL ICOT and 72!!
September 24, 2009 5:10 pm at 5:10 pm #885900mazcaMemberSophie comes and plays around
plays around with all her friends in town
Sophie comes and plays around
plays around with all her friends in town
Jump, jump, the rope they do
Jump, jump, the rope they do
Until one gets a scratch
Until one gets a scratch
Ima, Ima she cries
Ima, Ima she cries
Until all the neighbors come around
Until all the neighbors come around
Candy, candy we all want
Candy, candy we all want
All the children now demand
All the children now demand
Candy for all the crowd
Candy for all the crowd
September 24, 2009 5:12 pm at 5:12 pm #885901pushtMembera bochur had a little gemora a little gemora a little gemora a bochur had a little gemora its pages were nice and yellow and every were that bochur went that bochur went that bochur went andevery were that bochur went the gemora would go to it followed him to shiur one day to shuir one day to shuir one day it followed him to shuir one day now he nows it bal peh.
September 24, 2009 5:56 pm at 5:56 pm #885902sammygolMemberA rebbe heard his name invoked
letter by letter, sound by sound.
He could have wondered what the chosid smoked,
yet he knew better, being under the ground.
The chosid yelled and danced and sang
when he heard a voice that made him shudder.
Loud and clear in his ears it rang –
“Yes, that’s my name, but I did not stutter”.
September 24, 2009 6:09 pm at 6:09 pm #885903JosephParticipantOif’n pripichok brent a fayerl.
Un in stub iz heys,
Un der rebe lernt
Kleyne kinderlekh
Dem alef-beys.
Zet-zhe kinderlekh,
Gedenkt-zhe, tayere, vos ir lernt do,
Zogt-zhe nokh amol un take nokh amol:
Komets-alef: o!
Lernt, kinder, mit groys kheyshek,
Azoy zog ikh aykh on,
Ver s’vet gikher fun aykh kenen ivre,
Der bakumt a fon.
Lernt kinder, hot nit moyre,
yeder onhoyb iz shver
Glicklech der vos hot gelrnt toyre
Tsi darf der mentsh noch mer?
Ir vet kinder, elter vern,
vet ir aleyn farshteyn
vifil in di oyseyes lign trern
un vifil geveyn.
Az ir vet, kinder, dem goles shlepn,
Oysgemutshet zayn,
Zolt ir fun di oysyes koyekh shepn,
Kukt in zey arayn!
September 24, 2009 6:13 pm at 6:13 pm #885904JosephParticipantShteyt a bocher, shteyt un tracht,
Tract un tracht dem gantze nacht:
Vemen tsu nemen un nit farshemen?
Vemen tsu nemen un nit farshemen?
Tumbala, tumbala, tum balalaika
Tumbala, tumbala, tum balalaika
Tum balalaika, shpil balalaika
Tum balalaika, freylach zol seyn.
Meydl, meydl, ch’vel bay dir fregn:
Vos kon vaksn, vaksn on regn?
Vos kon brenen un nit oyfhern ?
Vos kon benken, veynen on trern?
Narisher bocher, vos darfstu fregn?
A shteyn kon vaksn, vaksn on regn.
Libe kon brenen, un nit oyfhern.
A harts kon benken, veynen on trern.
September 24, 2009 6:46 pm at 6:46 pm #885905areivimzehlazehParticipantJoseph- you’re paying for my dentist bill
September 24, 2009 7:08 pm at 7:08 pm #885906squeakParticipantsammygol!! Now that’s a rhyme that brings out Siiiiimcha!
September 24, 2009 7:34 pm at 7:34 pm #885907JosephParticipant???????
shlof zhe mir shoyn yankele mayn sheyner,
di eygelakh di shvatsinke makh tsu.
a yingele vos hot shoyn ale tseyndelekh,
muz nokh di mame zingen “ay lyu lyu”
a yingele vos hot shoyn ale tseyndelekh
un vet mit mazel bald in kheyder geyn.
un lernen vet er khumesh un gemore,
zol veynen ven di mame vigt im ayn ?
a yingele vos lernen vet gemore,
ot shteyt der tate, kvelt un hert zikh tsu.
a yingele vos vakst a talmid-chochem,
lozt gantse nakht der mamen nit tsuru ?
a yingele vos vakst a talmid-chochem,
un a geniter soykher oykh tsuglaykh.
a yingele a kluger chosn bocher,
zo lign azoy nas, vi in a taykh ?
nu shlof zhe mir, mayn kluger chosn bocher,
dervayl ligstu in vigele bay mir.
s’vet kostn fil mi un mame’s trern,
bizvanen s’vet a mentsh aroys fun dir!
September 24, 2009 7:37 pm at 7:37 pm #885908JosephParticipant??? ??????
A bisl zun a bisl regn,
A ruik ort dem kop tsu leygn,
Abi gezunt, ken men gliklekh zayn.
A shukh, A zok, a kleyd on lates,
In keshene dray fir Zlotes,
Abi gezunt, ken men gliklekh zayn.
Di luft iz fray, far yedn glaykh,
Di zun zi sheynt far yedn eynem orem oder raykh.
A bisl freyd, a bisl lakhn, amol mit fraynt a shnepzl makhn,
Abi gezunt, ken men gliklekh zayn.
Eyner sukht ashires, eyner sukht gvires,
Eynem di gantse velt.
Eyner meynt dos gantse
Glik hengt nor op in gelt.
Zoln ale zikhn, zoln ale krikhn, nor ikh trakht bay zikh.
Ikh darf dos oyf kaporez vayl
Dos glik shteyt bay mayn tir.
September 24, 2009 11:28 pm at 11:28 pm #885909sammygolMemberAny more from the Barry Sisters’ repertoir?
September 24, 2009 11:40 pm at 11:40 pm #885910JosephParticipant? ?????? ????
Ikh vil bay aykh a kashe fregn,
Entfert ver ez ken.
Mit velkhn tayern farmegn
Men koyft dos nisht far keyn shum gelt,
Dos krigt men nor umzist.
Un dokh az men farlirt dos
Vifl trern men fargist
Men hert nisht kain geveyn
O, der vos hot farloyrn
Der ken dos farshteyn.
A yidishe mame,
Es gibt kayn besers oyf der velt.
A yidishe mame, oy vey,
vi biter ven zi felt.
Vi likhtik, sheyn in hoyz,
Ven di mame iz do,
Vi finster umetik,
Ven got nemt ir oyf oylem habo.
In vasser, in fayer,
Volt zi gelofn far ir kind,
Nisht haltn zich tayer,
Dos iz geven di greste zind.
Oy, vi gliklekh un raykh,
Iz der mentsh, vos hot
Aza tayre mame,
Gebentsht fun got ,
Azan altitshke, tayre mame,
Yidishe mame mayn.
A yidishe mame,
Es gibt kayn besers oyf der velt.
A yidishe mame, oy vey,
vi biter ven zi felt.
Vi likhtik, sheyn in hoyz,
Ven di mame iz do,
Vi finster umetik,
Ven got nemt ir oyf oylem habo.
September 25, 2009 3:44 am at 3:44 am #885912sammygolMemberSome overfed cats
in Dr. Seuss hats
were looking for fun in the street.
Trash was overturned,
few tires were burned,
preparing the Shabbos to greet.
With stones piled high
no car to deny
the pleasure of smashing its glass.
While calling crass names
of those who stoked flames
and burned bodies murdered with gas.
And after the show,
with faces aglow,
they strut home to relish their meal.
Then they threaten repeat,
and stomp their feet
not caring what others may feel.
No matter the cause,
whatever the flaws,
destruction and wild rampage!
Being idle all day
with no mice to play,
having nothing the hands to engage.
They aren’t to be blamed
as felines could be tamed
and trained to be mannered and good.
The fault lies overseas
with those whom they please.
Those fat cats that supply their food.
September 29, 2009 3:14 pm at 3:14 pm #885913mepalMembergooood, sammygol!
September 29, 2009 5:31 pm at 5:31 pm #885914namelessMemberSammy,
AMAZING!!!
October 1, 2009 4:10 pm at 4:10 pm #885916pookieMemberthou shall not place a stumbling block in front of three blind mice
October 1, 2009 4:18 pm at 4:18 pm #885917bygirl31MemberLOLOLOL! THESE ARE AWESOME!
October 1, 2009 8:46 pm at 8:46 pm #885920squeakParticipantThere was a shayneh maydel,
Who was really much too aydel –
and could not see herself dating just yet.
And whenever she was redt,
she turned very very red –
From her cheeks ‘way up to her forehead.
October 1, 2009 9:00 pm at 9:00 pm #885921squeakParticipantOh, do you know the candy man,
The candy man, the candy man,
Oh, do you know the candy man,
That sits in shul and dreis?
Oh, yes, I know the candy man,
The candy man, the candy man,
Oh, yes, I know the candy man,
Why doesn’t he just pray?
October 1, 2009 9:01 pm at 9:01 pm #885922mepalMemberROTFLMKO! Squeak, those were terrific.
October 1, 2009 9:15 pm at 9:15 pm #885923areivimzehlazehParticipantwhen I was a kid the candyman wacked me with his tallis- every time… ya think he was tryin to tell me sumfin?
October 1, 2009 9:32 pm at 9:32 pm #885924jphoneMemberLittle Reb Askan Decided to Pasken
That shoes may not have any laces
He ran to Rabbonim, In order to Con Em
All he got was stunned looks on their faces
October 1, 2009 9:46 pm at 9:46 pm #885925bein_hasdorimParticipantShvigger, Shvigger, in the way,
How I wonder why you drei!
Up above the world so high,
Like a dark cloud in the sky.
Shvigger, Shvigger, in the way,
How I wonder why you drei!
When the blazing sun is gone,
When there’s nothing he shines upon,
Then you show your fearful sight.
Screaming, Yelling, through the night.
Shvigger, Shvigger, in the way,
How I wonder why you drei!
Lurking In the shadows deep,
Into my business you always creep.
How you never close your mouth,
even when the birds fly south.
Shvigger, Shvigger, if I may,
Why I wonder do you drei!
Shvigger, Shvigger, what a day!
How I wonder when you’ll pay!
.?? ??????? ??????
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