Breaking Habits

way too many details moish! you didn’t need to give yourself away like that- it could have been a bit more vague 😉

How’re we supposed to help if we don’t have a clue even as to what area you’re referring to

Firstly, I’m highly impressed you’ve tried so many times. Not that I expect less, it’s just that failure is a very difficult and discouraging thing. Like it says: sheva yipol TZADIK v’kum. So you are a lamed vavnik…

If you think you’re sick of dealing with it, I’ll give you something to be more sick of: my advice to you is to daven!!!!!!

is anyone counting how many times this advise was repeated in the CR?

well- it’s obviously the key to everything!

You really should be asking Hashem for his assistance- constantly keep at it.

There’s no possible way we can go it alone

I don’t know why you say that is so. Say after 6 months you have a relapse. You pick up the phone and tell your sponsor. He/she will encourage you and talk about why you did it. That should help you understand your impulses better, which will help you break the habit for good.

Or, say after 6 months you feel like you are going to have a relapse. You pick up the phone and call your sponsor. He/she will encourage you and try to talk you through what you are feeling, so that you can let the feelings subside and not do the act. It won’t work every time, but it will help.

The reason most people don’t get a sponsor is because it is hard to share you weaknesses with another person. That’s why anonymous groups work well – comfort of strangers.

moish, it’s impressive that you want to stop, you keep trying and that you are successful at controlling yourself for months at a time.

The first step to breaking a habit is determination. If you started this thread, I assume you already have that.

Without knowing too many details, I can only offer this: Often, awareness is key to breaking habits. Is there something that typically precedes the behavior? a specific occurence? feeling? interaction with someone? Try to figure out what causes it. Maybe you can remove yourself from the situation when you know you’re about to do it.

And of course, daven! I wish you much hatzlacha in dealing with this issue.

~a~

Cold turkey is the easiest (even though it seems the hardest) way for any kind of habit.

I know exactly what you mean, but its usually easy for a bit then a one point it gets really hard and if you manage at that point to hold your self back and get through it then it usually gets easier again and each time this point where it gets harder again is easier than the last time you reached the point where it got harder. Good luck with breaking this habit. 🙂

Just hang in there. If you dont give up you will get through it. 🙂

maybe just say that for a certain time you will try not to do the bad habit sorta like a Machsom L’phi. Don’t give up trying. Davening doesn’t have to be just with a minyan from the Siddur, you can talk to Hashem whenever you want, say whatever you want to say. If you find that you are in the middle of doing it then talk to Him, ask Hashem to help you stop doing it. Good Luck!

Hey maybe you should try saying that you wont do it for a bit and when that time is up say you wont do it for another amount of time 😉

Sorry I didn’t read every single post, but what do they say “great minds think alike”?

I dont really want to finish it off so I wont, but you know the ending… 😉

moish I know a little bit what youre talking about, I have something that I would LOVE to stop doing and I’m the same way, tell myself I’ll never do it again etc… the best I could tell you is to avoid putting yourself in the situation as much as possible… it works with LOTS of effort 🙂

moish01: So take one really away 😉

You can try looking at the end and how it will be better after quitting whatever it is you want to quit and anytime you get down about it just focus on the end.

i have suffered from a similar problem and overcome it for a long time only to slip again. that’s the way these things are. but if something is wong/assur it means we have the ability to control ourselves.

sorry

…can i say something else anyway?

moish01: Your right all this of people telling you to plan ahead and stuff will never work because when it comes down to it and your about to do it you dont really care and at that second you want to do it. The only way to stop is to not do it. It is hard, very hard, and there is no way to make it easier.

something else is to picture whatever it is in your mind in a way that disgusts you for a while, then when you want to do it, if you recall the horribleness of it, it may help you not want to quite as much & overcome it sometimes. for example smoking, if the person pictures the cigarette turning into a worm, imagines it very clearly (not just considering it for a second & then pushing it out of their mind) & is sickened to think of putting a slimy, squirming worm into their mouth, then when they are faced with the test of actually picking up the cigarette they may remember this picture & be disgusted enough to put it down at least some of the time.

i’m not sure if this would work for everybody but i know my vivid imagination can sometimes really help me.

aussieboy: i have no idea if this is true for everyone but i have definitely used “mind games” on myself to overcome challenges, and though it is not always successful, it has sometimes worked.

there’s no magic trick. in general, keep yourself busy. boredom breeds these “habits”. specifically, when you see it coming pick yourself up before it’s too late and go outside or someplace where there are people so you’ll be distracted. the only way to see success is by keeping your mind occupied with healthy thoughts and if you start slipping you need tremendous willpower not to allow yourself to do the thing you want to avoid.

hey.

i’m gonna borrow your example. if you know that whenever you see cookies you’ll grab them and eat them even though you resolved in your heart to never eat another cookie, then the best thing to do is to distance yourself from anywhere that cookies might pop up. as much as you prep yourself logically, when that plate of cookies shows up on the kitchen table, it’s hard to resist.

therefore, as much as possible you should try to remove yourself from the circumstances in which your habit-triggers may show up.

i wish i could take this advice too… i think that everyone has “bad habits” that must be conquered…

good luck!

lol, moish, it was neither! But good guesses. (edit) If you’re really dying to know, I’ll be around for a little while longer tonight.

(edit2) Mods, thanks for the quick updates tonight!

~a~