[By Zvi Gluck]
If I thought things couldn’t have gotten any worse after dealing with the death of a promising 22 year-old young man on Wednesday, I was wrong.
Because Thursday brought with it more grief – an 18 year-old boy dead of an overdose.
I wish I could post the pictures of the 77 young men and women who have died since Rosh Hashana. When we hear stories like these, we automatically think of wild-eyed individuals with unkempt hair, the kind of person that when he gets on the subway, you think silently to yourself, “Please don’t sit next to me.”
But that’s not who we are talking about. We are discussing beautiful young people with promising futures that will never be realized because they are tormented by unseen demons that bring with them catastrophic, irreversible results.
I wish you could see their faces. All 77 of them.
When I started keeping track of the number of lives lost, I was hoping it would bring awareness. And it has, to some extent. People are starting to wake up and to appreciate the enormity of this problem. But then there are the others.The ones who tell me that I have no business discussing sexual abuse, mental illness and addiction in the Jewish community.
Really? Should we continue sweeping these problems under the rug and pretending they don’t exist? Should we just shake our heads sadly and go on living our lives as if nothing has happened? When are we going to wake up and realize that this problem is real and isn’t going to go away unless we face it head on?
If I sound angry, it is probably because I am. I am just the messenger here and if people want to criticize me and get mad at me, that is totally fine. But let me tell you something. We are currently holding at two deaths a week for the last ten months. How many people in our community have to die before we finally decide to do something?
This isn’t a problem that is going to be solved overnight. This is a war that has to be fought one battle at a time and we can only turn the tide if we open our eyes to those around us.
If you see someone suffering, be it from sexual abuse, mental illness, addiction, or anything else that seems off, DO SOMETHING. Reach out to them, find them someone to talk to or try to get them professional help. The resources are out there but someone has to take that first step. Don’t assume that things will work out on their own because in cases like this, they rarely do.
Each one of us has to do our part and if we stand strong and look out for each other, maybe we can stop this deadly epidemic. Open your eyes and open your heart. And who knows? Maybe the life you save will be that of someone you love.
Zvi Gluck is the director of Amudim Community Resources, an organization dedicated to helping abuse victims and those suffering with addiction within the Jewish community and has been heavily involved in crisis intervention and management for the past 15 years. For more information go to www.amudim.org.
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30 Responses
The claim of the number of “77” suicides over the past ten months in the Orthodox community is untrue and a grossly exaggerated figure invented for media effect. It is also different that what the author of the above article told the Forward reporter yesterday, who peddled his story with the also widely inaccurate figure of “26” suicides over the last 10 months.
This false claim would mean there are approximately two suicides every week in the Orthodox community. Who does he think will buy such a fabrication?
1) Nobody is asking you to sweep drug addiction, or any sort of abuse, under the carpet. Just not to discuss publicly. Deal with parents, deal with Rebbeim, deal with the ba’alei batim. Certain things, however, are “devarim she’bi’tzinah” with a kal va’chomer (Makos 24a).
2) The resources are not there. Costs of good, non-government, programs are very, very expensive and only the very wealthy can afford them.
3) Of course things don’t necessarily take care of themselves. But doors and pockets have to be open.
The financial resources to cope with this epidemic is not there, and the majority of the parents are already financially and emotionally strapped .
Something has to be done by our “upper levels” to recognize ,organize and think about solutions. There’s plenty of money for worthy organizations, Hatzalah, Hamaspick, Bikur Cholims and the like, and not much for this.
There’s money out there. A certain nearly 90% orthodox neighborhood in Brooklyn, N.Y. has anywhere from 2-5 banks on each block and more opening every few months along this avenue.
#1_ His figures include drug overdose, it’s pretty clear.
#2_ It’s not betzineh anymore, it’s affecting almost every family.
Oy i’m very sorry to read about the losses we’ve been facing why would anyOne not want someOne to sit next to Them unless the person is dangerous then of course it’s understandable but if it’s the way they dress or look then really the Person has to look at them selves we are Benai Yisroael a Jew is a understatement a Kohen or Lavey isn’t from Yehudah my point we are One with different Jobs from HaSHem if we don’t relies that how we going to fix it a Job of a Person from Abraham Yizhak Yakob is to be a row model for the World it is the Torah from HaSHem that gives most the civilized World the boundaries to live for example how do we know not to steal we need to realize we are One if someOne Kid has vSHolom went off the Derech wouldn’t they not want to help Them what’s the difference every Person needs someOne else why did HaSHem Create us like that? Just except People first then try to find a way to help maybe the People who can afford it and wants to help give more money to Places that help Children in need and People who help Them thank You maybe try to give Them something to feel happy about not what makes You happy find out what They like go on more trips make life fun for Them from there when their having fun try to make it worthwhile for Them to see Life is worth living we are Benai Yisroael if You say Jew that’s not putting the emphasis on the fact that different Groups have different Jobs to make this Beautiful World we live in more beautiful SHabbat SHolom
I myself know of 17 individuals and i am far from “involved” the number 77 is probably lower than the real number!!!!! There are so many that are GREAT at keeping the truth quiet to the point where even the writer (whom i know personally) doesnt find out about.
one can never know from who or where the help or initial push for help will come. so it SHOULD be talked about publicly!!! who are you fooling. you have no idea what the number is and what really goes on. our community is bigger than the ones currently in the “yeshiva system” this isnt about BMG or BELZ our community is FAR FAR larger then that with each and every brother & sister IMPORTANT!!!
UJM…..What’s your point?
Be focused….its a huge problem,everyone agrees to that.
Do something instead of criticising
ujm:
You are part of the problem as being from the unfortunate majority of people unwilling to accept such realities and living in a fantasy world.
He didn’t say 77 “suicides”. He said 77 “deaths”. In other words, 51 of those deaths were accidental in the form of overdoses, alcohol poisoning etc.
Curious as to the basis of your certainty of stating the 26 suicides as “untrue”, “grossly exaggerated”, “widely inaccurate”, “a false claim” or “fabrication”.
How would YOU know? Have you had any dealings whatsoever in their aftermath or even had interactions with any of them before they tragically ended their life? The author HAS. Not all suicides make it to the news. But many of the 26 have. Zvi has the documentation and facts to back up his claim. What factual evidence do you have to disprove him? I’ll be willing to bet, ZERO.
rabboisai please forgive me if i come across too strong but i feel i need to. ujm and shuali you both have your heads in the sand!!! ujm- obviously you have never dealt with someone in your circles (either family Or friends) who are suffering from this terrible curse, or else you wouldnt have just proven your ignorance. Honestly, are you in the “parsha” of otd kids or other suffering souls? it doesnt sound like it!! so dont make stupid claims that you cant back up. and to shuali, really??!! whats so wrong with discussing it? are you afraid something will happen if you hear abt something so awful? it might even help your kids to be aware of the very real danger out there. please wake up!!
And what if there had only been ONE r”l! That’s an Olam malei! What shtus! There have been at least half a dozen in our community in just the past few months.
For pornography on the internet we’re willing to rent out stadiums, but pikuach nefesh is “devarim shebitzinah”! More shtus!
UJM – keep minimizing the problem. And when you run out of room under the rug, and wear out your broom…then what? Shhh. Don’t tell anyone.
I’m sorry to say that thelse numbers are correct. If you are not dealing with this you wouldn’t know. These things are not being publicized because it’s very sensitive. But thank you Zvi Gluck for caring and doing something about it. Parents, teens and anyone in need out there can find help. Some of which are for free! There are great programs out there to help us, BUT we have to reach out and ask and get help! Thank you Mask for all that you do! You have truly changed my life and those of my family! If you or someone in your family is drowning GET HELP! It’s your achrayus! Unfortunately so many people know the truth, but would rather die of secretive SHAME than reach out for help and risk being publicized and risk failing to be the PERFECT family you wish you were! I think my family is perfect even with all it’s imperfections! I wouldn’t trade them for the world! That’s how every Parent should feel! Thank you Hashem for everything you have given me! EVEN MY NISYONOS!
shuali, not sure i understand what you mean by resources. I dont think awareness has to cost anything. but even if it does, doesnt prevention make sense? Lets become educated, and educate our children of the real dangers out there. then, we can see these very real numbers go down. when a child is molested, his life is a horrific downward spiral. the amount of money needed to save him (therapy for him and his parents) is FAR more expensive. and even then, we cant always save him. Lets do whatever we can to prevent this awfulness in the first place!!
Reb Zvi:
As the very close friend of one of your / our victims (26,32,45,77 it makes little difference), I understand the pain you are describing and agree something should be done.
But is should be done upon the advice and guidance, the help and assistance, of the Gedolei Yisroel. We cannot say that if/when they advise you to keep it quiet, to do things b’tzniyus, to simply arrange to send the needy to the right program, and to teach Rebbeim, Moros, teachers and administrators how to identify the issue and how to deal with them, they don’t understand, they are trying to hide or deny the issues. We must understand they see what we cannot. They hear what we don’t. They see without eyes and hear without ears.
What silly comments. The word suicide is not even mentioned in the article. If you think he’s lying call him up and ask for their names. Otherwise the blood of future sufferers is on your hands.
Not discussing it publicly has not worked! Especially those who abuse children thrive on the lack of publicity and awareness.
Look for a way to deal with problems that don’t get over or underreacted to the fear of causing a reaction based on a false claim such as the director of an institution being threatened with a claim of s assault for breaking up a fight etc has complicated matters greatly we have lost our common sense in how to deal with or assess real problems
Re #1 how can you say that this is grossly exaggerated Do you know really I don’t think so I do know and yes it has happened 2 a week There are many in pain and we don’t seem to be helping matters Talk to therapist that can tell you YES there have been 2 this week and YES THERE WERE 2 four weeks ago so don’t say it’s media hyp because you don’t want to beleive it
” Oib iz tut vay, shrayt mon”. Someone who is in pain cries out. R Tzvi feels the pain of these boys and girls and their families, so he cries out.
You or I may not accept his statistic, or we may prefer a different approach, but hakol modim there is a real crisis.
Before criticizing him,let us give credit for doing something, including “making a tumult”.
May klal Yisroel be saved from these tzoros!
There are to many young boys who are troubled and refuse help. Theese are the ones who gets swept under the rug. Between friends and co workers they are fine. At home they lash out then some thru depression do the unthinkable. How do we help theese young man or woman, especially if they think they don’t need it?
# 1 – and 26 aren’t 26 too many? And if one of them will be someone you know – would you still talk like that? Even one is one too many.
# 2 and also #1- It seems that you have no idea of what’s going on in our midst, of the throngs of kids young adolescence and adults too who live a life of misery because in many cases they were hurt and abused by our very own people who took full advantage of their age, naivety and helplessness, and want to end their lives because in most cases they become OTD and people – even their parents in many cases – look at them as rebels, but they just don’t know how to do the job – how to end their lives. Some of them resort to drugs that sometimes ultimately do the job for them. unfortunately this is a reality that you aren’t aware of because up until recently these sensitive issues weren’t dealt and addressed publicly. For a while there are some people and organizations who are dealing with this B’tzinah and they will keep doing it B’tzinah because this is the best for the victims. However – this phenomenon reached already the size of a Mageifah – epidemic R”L. This Tzadik with the name Zvi Gluck, rose to the challenge in order to to stop the Mageifa by creating AWARENESS. Like JCW Jewish Community Watch. The way to create an awareness is to go public with the phenomenon. When you go public you’re reaching out to the entire community, you can appeal for funds and do a lot more. If only one live will be saved, if one case of abuse will be prevented and if we’ll have one less miserable person among us – it’s worth at.
So – a little respect please, to the person who devoted himself for this holly mission
To the first comment,
I’m a relative of such a case. We spoke to Misaskim this week. The guy told us that he has counted since Rosh Hashanah over 80 such stories. We don’t even realize how bad this situation is. Please don’t make comments about something you’re obviously clueless about.
The author writes 77 deaths due to mental health issues. The 77 deaths include 26 suicide, and 51 deaths due to overdose. The issue is real! Blaming makes us feel better. Yes more has to be done to recognize symptoms of distress. We need more professionals in the field to guide educators to detect symptoms in the early stages.
I am appalled at some of the responses here?!?! HaShem please have rachmonis on us! So many people suffering quietly !! Stop pushing the blame and guilt all over the place ! Just do something! Be aware of your surroundings and loved ones ! Stop passing judgement on people who don’t look like you! I was at that levaya this week, there was no room to breathe it was so packed! Unfortunately this young man did not call out for help , he kept everything within until he just couldn’t anymore! My heart is crying… Every case is too many… Please everyone stop and think what each and everyone of us can do to make this world a better place for everyone!!
The Rabbonim Shlita are certainly doing their best. How many times have they screamed in pain about the horror being created by smartphones and the Internet? How many more times do they need to scream and how many more assifas do their need to be before people realize what is at the root of all evil in our society? Where do these poor precious neshomas find out about these things if not from the Internet, Hashem yishmor.
Smart phones and the internet are causing the scourge of suicide in our community? And you have statistics and studies to back that up, right? Oh, you don’t…my mistake. This is not meant to defend the ills of the internet, but please don’t be so simplistic. Nor should or Gedolim. My guess is (only a guess – no backup) that most frum people who own smart phones or use the internet do not become suicidal. So maybe, just maybe, the cause of the problem is more complex – ands to be addressed by our Gedolim as such.
“Needs to be”…
#3, just because there are banks, doesn’t mean the Yidden in the neighborhood are rich. Most of the banks are always empty.
# 23, Are you really going to blame all these deaths on the internet? Really? What about those who have been abused?
The question is, what can the average person do? I would love to help but I don’t know what to do.
The community MUST stop putting so much emphasis on being perfect. Everyone wants to show others that all their relationships (with family, spouse, etc) are perfect and all their possessions (children, house, cars) are perfect, because everyone wants to be “normal” and at some point we decided that only perfection is normal. People know that if they aren’t perfect they’ll hear whispers of “nebach” behind their backs, and the other side in a shidduch will run away. But when we stop expecting perfection from others they can stop feeling shame about not meeting that expectation, and when they can stop feeling shame they will run to seek the help they need. Or maybe not needing to hide their feelings of unhappiness in order to appear perfect will stop it from growing to the point that they need help.
We also need to work on the idea that mental illness is some kind of character flaw. Someone who is depressed is not failing at “ivdu es Hashem b’simcha” and someone with anxiety does not have a lack of emunah. We don’t tell someone with a broken leg that he should be able to walk because “nothing can stand in the way of will”, because we realize that a broken leg is an injury. A treatable injury, like mental illnesses are treatable illnesses.
The 77 suicides as Zvi has not said are only in New York and the try state area.
If I may point out many comments have mentioned the costing, yes that is a point and I’m sure those that can afford to help would not manage without their 2 holidays a year or their new $3500 watch etc’ , I’m sure offer 120 HKBH will understand those things to be more important then one of his neshomahs.
However money is not the only thing that one could do to help these people, CHIZUK can help a lot, say hi, smile, take someone for a coffee, show them that people do care.
G’d forbid such things can happen in any family maybe and g’d willing not now but your grandchildren and who would you want to help you with this problem, yes an organisation like Amudim so don’t knock it for your children or grandchildren sake.
Yeah I agree a lot of the sadness and depression comes from horrible things people have seen, watched or read on the Internet that have ruined their souls and implanted deep rooted depression inside them.
Which Rav told Zvi Gluck that it is permissible to air these stories in the Forward, a rabidly anti-frum publication whose sole interest is to make the frum community look as bad as possible?