Binny and Moish are guests at the Agudah convention which got underway on Thursday afternoon. They have agreed to post their comments on YWN, in the form of a conversation, about different sessions they will attend over the course of the convention. This is their first installment, about the concurrent sessions that opened the convention on Thursday afternoon.

Binny:  I thought you were going to go to the session about the Internet (“Tangled Up in the Web: Real Problems, Real Solutions”). But I saw you at the Shidduch one (“Thinking Outside the Shidduch Box: New Approaches to an Old Problem”).

Moish: I changed my mind.

Binny: Well, if you didn’t want to hear about the new web-based technologies that are causing all sorts of problems, the least you could have done was go to the third session, about preserving the memory of the Holocaust (“Seventy Years Later: The Need to Keep Churban Europe Before the Eyes of Our Young”).  That way, we could at least be reporting on two different sessions.

Moish: So sue me.  Anyway, this way we can share our thoughts on the same session – that might be more interesting to YWN readers anyway.

Binny:  You’re just making excuses, but okay, how did you like the session?

Moish:  I liked it a lot.  Even though I have heard about the approach of one presenter for a long time, it was interesting to hear him explain his position in person.

Binny:  Which presenter?

Moish: Moshe Pogrow, the guy who has been making the case for years that the key to solving the shidduch crisis is to get guys to marry girls closer to their own ages – or even older than them.

Binny:  A lot of rabbonim and Roshei Yeshivos, I think, have encouraged that.

Moish:  Yes they have.  And the presentation helped me understand why.  He explained – and illustrated with a really well-done video – how a growing population like the frum one is like a pyramid, with a steadily increasing number of young people.

Binny:  You’re a regular Einstein.

Moish:  Thanks.  But come on.  Did you realize the implications of that growth?  If all the new adults marry people their own age, there is no imbalance.  But if the approach of a large number of the young men is to marry someone several years younger than they are, and the young women cooperate and marry men a few years older than them, there will be an increasing number of single women who are not being considered in shidduchim – or at least not as much as their younger sisters.

Binny:  You’re right.  I did understand his point better from listening to him and watching the video.  And he also pointed out that there are other advantages – not just addressing the shidduch problem – for men and women to look for life-partners close to their own age.

Moish: Yeah, not only psychological ones but down-to-earth economic ones.

Binny: Remind me?

Moish: Well, first of all, a girl fresh out of seminary won’t have many financial assets.

Binny: And with the costs of seminaries, neither will her parents!

Moish: You speak the truth.  And if she gets married right away she will definitely have a hard time juggling newlywedkeit (good word, no?)

Binny: No.

Moish: I’m ignoring you.  But after she’s been able to go to school and hopefully land a job, she’ll at least be in a position to be able to make some money.  And if she has the chance to get a job before she’s married, she can even save some, to take into newlywedness.

Binny: I think the word you’re looking for is “marriage.”

Moish:  I’m ignoring you again.  Anyway, all said and done, it was a pretty compelling demonstration of an idea.

Binny: Agreed.  And Jeff Cohn’s presentation was really interesting too.

Moish: Now there was a real “out of the box” idea, ShidduchVision – to facilitate “first time” dates at a distance using something like Skype.

Binny:  No, it isn’t anything like Skype.  It’s top notch high-tech quality transmission in a neutral setting, arranged through shadchonim and done in a tzeniyusdik way.

Moish:  The young man and young woman go to some studio or something?

Binny: Well, the studio is just a dedicated room in someone’s house, someone who meets the standards set down by ShidduchVision and who has accepted to have the equipment set up in the room.  Then there are all sorts of checks and balances built into the process to make sure that a reputable shadchan has arranged the long-distance first date and that it takes place with privacy and security.

Moish:  The hope, I guess, is that more people will consider meeting someone in another city, since the first meeting or two can be done with little expense, and so if the couple can decide to continue in person if their first date or two from afar leave them wanting to actually meet.  On the other hand, they could just talk by phone.

Binny: Come on, seeing someone, even on a screen, is much more than a phone conversation.  If it catches on, it will save a lot of suffering – not to mention time and money – when two people are matched but know pretty quickly that they’re not for each other.  And it could turn a lot of shidduchim that wouldn’t ever have be possible into realities.  Plenty of guys and girls wouldn’t even consider someone who is far away.  This will make it easier for young people to decide to buy a train or plane ticket, or take a few hours’ drive, since they have already “met”, at least on screens.

Moish:  Well one thing’s for sure.  It’s a z’chus that people are talking about new ways of dealing with old problems.

Binny: That’s true.  A hishtadlus has a power of its own.

Moish:  Let’s touch base again tomorrow, okay?

Binny:  Sounds good.  This is Moish and me signing off for now, reporting from the Agudah Convention, 2009.

YWN PHOTO LINK: Click HERE for photos taken by Hillel Engel for YWN. NOTE: Photos will be updated throughout the convention.

(YWN World Headquarters – NYC)