The ‘Kol Simcha’ pamphlet released with the approval of the Belzer Rebbe Shlita address one making a chasnah in a respectful fashion without exceeding the new norms set forth by community leaders, in consultation with the Rebbe. The new guidelines set out to limit the cost of making a chasnah, as well as the burden placed on the shoulders of the mechutanim (in-laws), adding that aside from the family’s ability to fund the simcha, a loan fund is being established to offer $20,000 towards a wedding.
The pamphlet is being billed a draft guideline for families preparing weddings, and copies were sent to the homes of Chassidim who are currently in the process of making a chasnah. Some of the new guidelines include:
A ‘tena’im’ seuda will not take place in a catering hall in addition to a vort (l’chaim) held immediately after the shidduch.
The choson following the chupah will only distribute candies, not cigarettes.
Choson and kalah will only receive the gifts listed in the pamphlet, and only those priced reasonably, discarding the custom of sending fruits for Tu B’Shvat or mishloach manos on Purim.
One may not pay a shadchan (match-maker) more than $1,000.
On the Aufruf Shabbos (preceding the wedding), only parents, grandparents, married children on the chosen’s side and non-married children from the kalah’s side may attend the seudos Shabbos (Shabbos meals). Brothers and sisters of the chosen and kalah’s parents (aunts and uncles of chosen and kalah) will not take part in the Shabbos meals.
For the Shabbos sheva brachos, the married children may attend but not the brothers and sisters of the mechutanim (uncles and aunts of choson and kalah).
The aufruf Shabbos kiddush will be a general invitation and not specific private invitations.
The actual wedding meal may not exceed 350 portions.
Additional costs such as the photographer as per the cost guidelines set forth in the pamphlet.
Invitations will be sent to Chassidim in bulk form and the current practice of printing and sending private invitations will be halted.
(Yechiel Spira – YWN Israel)
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7 Responses
Rabbanim have been trying for years with no clearly visible success. Now at least, they have the combined forces of the American government (both parties) and the policies of the central banks working to encourage more modest and frugal
behavior on the part of frum families.
This is beautiful. As a Litvak who made a chasuna B”H we managed to keep things real too. But there is a big, big elephant in the room. What about what comes after? When will the kol koreihs address support?
To #2, why was there no limits for the Mishkan or the the Bais Hamikdash? maybe you dont believe that our shuls are the Bias Hamikdash me’at of our times, at least respect those who try to believe.
Also take a look at history all those thousands of beautiful shuls that the rishonim and previous gedolim built, it doesn’t look like they tried to save any money.
To #3 the rebbes that I know do not want lavish simcha’s its the chassidim who want to attend these simchas that require it to be accommodating, that of course depends if you believe that when a rebbe makes a simchas it brings hashpa’os to all chassiddim who consider themselves talmidim.
And by the way most big rebbishe weddings take place in their shuls.
Can anyone explain why married vs single sibs matters for the Aufruf? And why chosons side is married but Kalla is only single?
this is the only part of the Takana that does not really make sense-unless they do not want the single sibs of the choson and Kalla having their own private party-it can lead to mixed dancing!
6, maybe it’s to leave someone for the kallah to eat with.
I don’t get this new tradition of the families getting together for the aufruf. It’s a tremendous tircha for the choson’s family, too.
That’s good for chasidish, but in yeshivish, the bochurim are still for sale! ( You’ve never been asked how many years support are you giving?)
Shande, Marrying for the money.
FACE IT GUYS!!
Agudath Israel came out with standards for simcha expenses some years ago, and I’ve been to many weddings, attending by signers of the proposal, where the expenses were clearly above and beyond the recommendations. I think that the standards have been pretty impossible to enforce. However, I have seen some relative reduction in costs to what used to go on.