[THIS WAS PUBLISHED BY YWN THE DAY AFTER PURIM 2009]
Dear YWN,
So now that we sobered up its time to reflect on what happened this Purim.
As I decide on which method is best to dispose of all the food on my table, I can’t help notice all the “Purim themes” that I need to toss into the garbage. The boxes, cases, ribbons, poems, vases, cookbooks all to be trashed, not even paying any attention into the effort that went into preparing these “holy” pieces of art. It’s become so normal, and we are so immune to this insanity, that anything less is considered sub‐standard. My grandmother gave me an orange and a piece of homemade cake, and that’s what she gave her neighbors 50 years ago as well. But if you try that with your neighbor, forget about marrying off your kids any time soon. I see people that undoubtedly are living off public assistance, but are delivering Shaloch Monas to their mother‐ laws, draped with paraphernalia and with a theme demonstrating total nonsense, all so that they are up to par with the other sister and sister in‐laws in the family.
Imagine for a minute that 30,000 families in Boro Park would choose to pass on the insanity, and each family would instead donate $150 to a communal fund. That’s $4,500,000 that can be put to good use. We can have a subsidized wedding hall where all our children’s Rebbeim can make a wedding for close to nothing. Or maybe, a fund to help Rebbeim and teachers that are several months behind on their salaries, pay their bills.
But who can head a campaign like this? The answer is probably no one, but history has shown that these types of prohibitions can work. Take for example the R’ Moshe Isserlish (the Rama of the Shilchun Aruch). He felt that fur coats being worn by women were causing animosity amongst the non Jewish poor peasants and provoking anti Semitism. He prohibited women from wearing these coats, and people listened. But times have changed. We are smarter than our Rabbis. We know what’s best for us, and the key is to “Live and let live”.
I couldn’t help notice all the ads in the Jewish newspapers warning everyone about the dangers of drinking on Purim. I am sure that everyone reads these warnings with awe and trepidation. I am sure that the success of these ads in previous years prompted these organizations to continue spending money on full page color ads in various newspapers.
Well, here is my story. I pulled up to a gas station and beside me, a group of yeshiva boys pulled up as well. They were so stoned that they made an Irish pub on New Year’s look like a Kindergarten birthday party. They were screaming, vomiting, and one guy exposed himself and went to the bathroom right there in front of everyone.
What a Kiddush Hashem.
At night, I went to daven maariv at Shomer Shabbos and was attacked by some drunken boys, pelted with snow balls, and heckled. Had I been a goy, I probably would have put those kids in the hospital for 2 months. I guess the ads didn’t work.
If the Yeshivas had guts, they would warn their student’s days before Purim, and threaten to suspend any boy found stoned drunk on Purim. The embarrassment of not being able to attend yeshiva would undoubtedly put the fear of g‐d in most boys, and after a few examples have been set, the problem would d probably disappear. But that would never work because the first boy that would have to be suspended would be the son of a wealthy supporter of the Yeshiva. OK, scratch that idea.
In my opinion, Purim has spiraled into something unforeseen by Chazal, and only mirrors what society at large has evolved into.
Although I have proposed some ideas mitigating some of the problems, the true answer lies within ourselves. We need to decide not to ride the tide, but to do what’s right. If on our own we change ourselves, pray to G‐d for guidance and protection, and show our children, early on, the love and direction they need, we can believe that the Ribono Shel olanm will do the rest.
Name Withheld Upon Request
NOTE: The views expressed here are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of YWN.
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5 Responses
Dear YWN,
The letter you continually post each year around Purim time (“Reflecting on Purim Madness”) has given me much to think about. While practicing some of the customs mentioned and then witnessing the “Patrick Day” parade in NYC, here are my conclusions:
Number 1.
Anyone that looks at a table of leftover food items and their adornments and feels a pinch of regret for the “waste” must take issue with his midah of ayin raah. It is impossible to serve an exact measurement and weight to each person sitting at a table and the Halacha is that when many are served one is permitted to discard pieces that are m’aus. It does not give one permission to be thrifty at the expense of simchas Yom Tov. Obviously, within reason.
Number 2.
Children grow up with a natural feeling of wanting to give and make Yom Tov nice. Whether this is for their in-laws later on or parents or friends makes no difference. I happen to enjoy receiving all our neighbors’ handiwork and creations. It’s a very big part of simchas Purim and doesn’t need to be very costly. And yes, they are “holy” pieces of art. It is taking the mitzvah of Mishloach Manos and putting one’s mind and heart into it to create something unique, fun and memorable. Insanity for mitzvas is an old Jewish minhag and the way to test this is to see where the time and effort is spent. These are the same families that go “crazy” with Pesach cleaning. It is called doing mitzvas with your entire being. The Lubavitcher Rebbe Zt”l among other gedolim encouraged mishloach manos giving by children and the more the merrier.
Number 3.
If you drive a car with a $250 monthly payment (or more…); pay $400+ a month for utilities, and spend upwards of $2,000 on food, then giving a piece of cake and an orange for mishloach manos is a bizayon to Hashem’s mitzvos and very “Kayin’like”. It’s one thing for a grandmother to give her einikelach as a Purim snack, quite another to make someone feel special with that. However, if the cake and fruit are all you can afford…and all your worldly possessions fit into a shaloach manos basket, then of course it is sweeter to Hashem than all the korbanos on the mizbeach. It’s all relative!
Number 4.
“I see people that undoubtedly are living off public assistance”. Wow.
“Public Assistance”. It doesn’t take away the chiyuv for them to do mitzvos. Period. It doesn’t make it right to belittle them or poke fun. This obviously gives them simchah and they spend their time and energy on these mitzvos rather then ranting online about people who are spending their time doing bitzvos…
Number 5.
Thinking about all the many “wonderful mitzvos” that could have or should have been done with the money is simply childish and wrong. Perhaps one’s parents sent them to foster care G-d forbid and saved all those hundreds of thousands in raising and paying their tuition. Wow! Imagine the mitzvos we could have done with all that money saved. To then quote the holy Rm”a as further proof and then fur coats isn’t fair. Mishloach manos isn’t a luxury but a mitzvah expounded upon at great length in sefarim.
Number 6.
Boys drinking on Purim is one of the most misunderstood phenomena’s. The simple fact is that many very choshuveh Roshei Yeshivos and Rebbehs drink on Purim. The bochurim are simply trying to be that “special” boy that get’s high and “gives brachos” and bring “joy” to his friends. Most boys are doing it out of a sincere need to feel respected or to enhance the joy of Purim. Is it wrong? Yes. For 99% of the boys, hence the kol koreh each year. But no one should think that the yeshiva boys get high to purposely embarrass themselves.
Number 7.
I am unfortunately witness to the madness that goes on in the streets on Patricks Day. Lehavdil elef-alfei-havdolos!! You will never, never, ever find this type of “madness” going on between Yeshiva boys. Never. Anyone saying so obviously is pained by a visual of what they witnessed but to compare the motives and the entire way this was brought about? Never! Never Ever.
Number 8.
You were accosted by rowdy boys while on your way to daven Maariv. “Had I been a goy….” Really? I didn’t know Shomer Shabbos has a multi-denom prayer section. “Put them in the hospital for months”…come on. It is obvious you should be looking inward and not outward for your issues with Purim.
Number 9.
“Wealthy supporter of the Yeshivas”. Another disparaging remark? We don’t like the poor because they are too zealous with mishloach manos and we don’t like the rich either…my goodness: Haman would be proud.
In my humble opinion, you have written yourself into a corner based on what I can only presume are attitudes that are long carried from people who don’t watch what they say and how they say it. Your willingness to make sweeping accusations based on simple observations is the opposite of what Chazal had in mind. Not just on Purim.
I strongly urge the moderators and editors of Yeshiva World to refrain from posting this letter again as it is against the spirit of generosity and happiness that people naturally ascribe to and feel on Purim and breeds resentment and animosity to almost everything else happening on this most precious of Yomim Tovim.
With respect to Klal Yisroel, am kadosh,
A Yid
For many years Yeshiva bachurim, from different yeshivos and different “hats”, have been coming to my house on Purim. I’ve never felt the need to write about their behavior, but perhaps I was mistaken and I should have. I have never had anyone behave improperly, disrespectfully, or in any way that any person could find disgusting. On the contrary, they all left me proud to be a part of the same genetic material. I’m not trying to discount what the author of the above says about the dangers of excessive shikkrus. But there is another side. And there are many Rabbayim and Roshei Yeshivos who must be very proud of the young men under their care.
The boxes, cases, ribbons, candy,and vases are all made in China. One must be suspicious of candy from China for both health and kasrus reasons. If people ever cut back on this overdone Shaloch Manos, it will impact the economy of China.
The orange and peice of cake is a little extreme, but it’s much closer to what Mordechai and Esther would have expected. I don’t know anyone who serves gumdrops, lollypops, winkies and Mike and Ike at their Purim Seuda
TO Trying,
I think that the main point of the above article is that the author does not see all the happenings of Purim as Lishmah. He sees gaavah, gluttony, and indecent behavior. Apparently you see it differently. It seems that you two have had markedly different experiences.
MDG:
Yes. My point exactly 🙂