I don’t think I would be able to help you, because I technically have the same questions. But I want to make you aware of several things.
#1 answers like women are busy at home or are holier are apologetics. For the following reasons: a) women don’t have a chiyuv to have children and or to raise them. This includes taking care of them. B) Literally no reason why you can’t shake lulav after washing dishes etc. meaning it’s not a contradiction. Traditionally men worked long hours in the fields and they were expected to find time. C) regarding women being holier, if women are holier, why not enhance their spiritual opportunities? Wouldn’t it lead to a greater spiritual output?
#2 regarding more mitzvos: a) the concept of getting more schar for a chiyuv was taken out of context. They don’t get schar for being male, or being given the mitzvos, because they never did anything for that. It’s from Hashem. It’s like saying Hashem gave you curly hair and then gave you schar for curly hair. What they were trying to say is that people who have a chiyuv have a burden, and they get schar for the burden. Humans get schar for putting in effort. And effort does not depend on gender.
This became a problem in our community because at this point women don’t only not have a chiyuv. We are (in many cases) actively discouraged from engaging spiritually. It could have been that we don’t have a chiyuv but we have the same spiritual opportunities nonetheless. For example on Yom Kippur only men have a chiyuv to daven. Many women want to daven though, but are told they can’t because their husband has a chiyuv. Catch- they don’t have a chiyuv to stay home for their husband. There is no reason why we can’t set up earlier and shorter minyan so both husband and wife can alternate davening any taking care of the kids. Our community has a sexist problem and you will not find an answer, because there is none.
The best thing I can tell you is that the sexist issues were man made. It does NOT come from Hashem and it’s wrong. Hashem wants women to do more mitzvos and be included. Hashem wanted chezkiyahu Hamelech to be mashiach because in his time every Man, WOMAN, and child knew the most complicated Halachos. And the ONLT source of Halacha at the time was the Mishnah.
#3 regarding chavas curse: a) the curses were not left up to either men or women to enforce. It wasn’t defined by rules. The curse most likely was that women were severely dependent on men, creating a power imbalance. IMO ancient woman’s lack of agency and independent is probably the real reason for the not being mechuyav in all mitzvos. Just like that is the reason why slaves have the same exemption. B) I guarantee you any person that stands in the way of women building their own independence and degrades women is wrong. Chaya’s curse wasn’t a license for men to oppress.
Additionally, people who are frustrated that women want to engage in more mitzvos, and don’t make that available for women don’t realize that what will happen next is that women will be severely disinterested in all mitzvos. And that will have sever consequences for our community.
Stay strong, Hashem loves you