I read an article somewhere about a ben yochid being very resentful. He has to get up Shabbos and Y”T to go daven while his sisters sleep in, he has to get up early for slichos, he has to get up 5:30 every day to go to yeshiva and comes home very late at night while his sisters wake up two hours laters and come home much earlier from school, etc.. B’kitzur, he’s resentful for having to work harder. And yet I’m sure he’s not interested in doing laundry and cooking and doing all other “baal habustishe” stuff.
So basically what I’m saying, as a woman who is more intellectually inclined and hates cooking, cleaning and doing repetitive, humdrum housework, that it’s is a package deal. I promise you, want do not want to be a man.
Don’t worry about your husband “lording” over you. I vintch you you should find a husband who is a yirei shomayim and baal middos, and if you have good middos as well you’ll build a happy, peaceful home together without him “lording” over you. Yes, you will follow his minhugim and he’ll have the last word which moisdos your sons will attend, but “lording” over you is definitely not something you need to worry about. It also says a woman should be an ezer K’NEGDO, the woman should help the man by being against him when he wants to do something wrong. That does not mean you will be busy fighting him just as he will not be “lording” over you.
I do not think you have kinas sofrim. In this day and age people suffer from not appreciating the tremendous gifts that Hashem gave us and wanting things they can’t have. This brings depression and jealousy which are both aveiros (i know today depression is classified as a mental health issue but its an aveirah-people get in that headspace because they dont appreciate what Hashem gives them). Being who you are is a gift. You have tremendous koichos in you and you can only reach your potential by being the best who you are. You can serve Hashem perfectly well by being a woman. If you are intellectually inclined, learn sefarim, you don’t have to bake cakes. (But you do have to cook supper, clean and do the laundry when you get married or even now if your mother needs your help… ) Life is a balance between our personalities and our duties which can be conflicting. But Hashem does not make mistakes. He made you the way you are and that means that you need to serve Him in the capacity of being you. Whoever you are is a gift, your strength and weaknesses are gifts, your personality is a gift, your body is a gift. Hashem gave you have so many gifts. What will bring you happiness is serving Him the way He wants you to serve Him.