SBYG:
Sorry to hear of your pain. May the new year ahead, and even sooner, bring you much joy and kol tuv.
I would suggest discussing this with real daas Torah who doesn’t necessarily know you, so you can BE”H get a real answer. Meanwhile, for whatever little this is worth:
I think your question is a very fair one, but the answer would likely be that women are holier by nature, and therefore they don’t need those additional mitzvos including learning Torah as do men, and therefore they can raise children and all that even without needing those extra mitzvos. Consider: why would Hashem set up the world that the women raise the children, if women do not have those Torah and mitzvos that only men have, which would mean that, according to what you understood from what you were taught, children will be raised in a highly deficient way? The answer is seemingly that women don’t need those mitzvos, not that Hashem merely exempted women from them because women are so busy. Also, if women did need them, then Hashem would definitely have figured out a way, as you asked, even though they have children to raise. Of course, He would not “short-change” a woman just because she has a job to do! But women obviously do not need them.
A woman is the akeres haBayis, the one who not only raises the children but also helps the husband progress in his avodas Hashem. And she can accomplish all that even without a chiyuv talmid Torah which is a man’s job to do day and night! A woman, therefore, is obviously on a much different level than a man, not just that she happens to have a different job than does a man. That takes tremendous kedusha, something which a man achieves via learning Torah and doing mitzvos, and which a woman seems to achieve with just the mitzvos that Hashem requires of her as a woman
Regarding accepting mitzvos upon yourself like your brother, you’re still making the same commitment to Hashem to follow His ways and do what He wants you to do; your job happens to be different because you are on a different level, as mentioned, even though his commitment is necessarily more demanding. But you both get to the same place; you just start higher. Chazal say, for example, that “Eishes chaveir kiChaveir”. It doesn’t say that she’s a good assistant to him or that she did her job well; it says that she is considered to be like him. That means that the wife of the Vilna Gaon was considered to be like him even though she didn’t learn 24/7 and didn’t come up with all the Torah that he did, etc.
It does not seem that the curse of Chava has anything to do with the above. Notice that it doesn’t say vehu “yisGadeil” or “yisRomeim” Mimeich. It says yimshol. That’s very, very different.
I hope nobody is silly enough to label you a feminist just because you’re asking a very reasonable question (even if my humble answer is not the answer). I would also add that as you grow more and especially once you marry a ben aliyah, the above should become much clearer to you as you live and experience it, BE”H.