by Rabbi Yair Hoffman
Is it permitted to date during the Nine Days?
The answer is not only may one date, but one can even get engaged during the Nine Days. And not only during the Nine Days, but one can even get engaged on Tisha B’Av itself (See SA OC 551:2)!
Showering for a Date
The Shaivet HaLevi zt”l (Vol. IX 131:4) permits wearing freshly laundered clothing during the Nine Days for the purposes of dating if it might improve the chances of a shidduch going through. If he has no nice weekday clothing, he may even wear Shabbos clothing (see Halichos Shlomo Chapter 14 DH 15 as cited by R. Simcha Bunim Cohen).
That being the case, it would seem that showering in warmish water would also be permitted for the same reasoning.
Why Is Dating Permitted
There is a fascinating Maharsha in tractate Moed Kotton (18b) that discusses why it is permitted to get engaged during Chol HaMoed. The Gemorah explains that one may get engaged to a girl because “shema yakdimena acher – perhaps someone else will beat him to the punch and betroth her first.”
The question arises: How can this be? The Talmud tells us (in tractate Sotah), “Forty days before the formation of the fetus – a Heavenly voice proclaims, “Bas Ploni l’Ploni! – the daughter of so and so will marry so and so!” If that is the case, then how can another person ever beat him to the punch and betroth her first?
The Maharsha answers that the statement in tractate Sotah is indeed correct, but it does not mean that it will necessarily happen first. Thus, the couple will eventually get together, but not necessarily on the first round. [The Bach, by the way, understands this passage in Moed Kotton entirely differently – unlike the Maharsha].
The Gemorah in Sanhedrin 107a gives us an example of this. Batsheva, Dovid HaMelech’s wife, was originally destined from the six days of creation to marry Dovid HaMelech. How then did Uriah HaChitti beat him to the punch? He prayed for the Shidduch.
Rashi’s explanation of the Gemorah in Moed Kotton is that the “beat him to the punch” refers to Tefillah – prayer. He understands that the person will stop their prayer when the young woman becomes engaged. A prayer can change a plan that was created in Shamayim – even that of the King of Israel!
Hint From the Torah
Why did Eliezer have Kvitzas HaDerech, quick travel, (by the way, the first mention of hyperspace in history) when he was seeking a wife for Yitzchok? The Torah is alluding to us what the future halacha will be, that it would be permitted even to get engaged during Chol HaMoed or during the Nine Days.
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3 Responses
With all due respect to the author’s great and wide knowledge in so many areas of halachah and hashgofas ha’Torah, I have two comments to make.
The Rav writes, “That being the case, it would seem that showering in warmish water would also be permitted for the same reasoning.”
Since the author brings no source for this, should the above line perhaps have read: “That being the case, it would seem [TO THIS AUTHOR] that [ALTHOUGH NO SOURCE HAS BEEN FOUND TO SAY SO EXPLICITLY THAT] showering in warmish water would also be permitted for the same reasoning.”?
Similarly, regarding the “Hint from the Torah” . . .
“Why did Eliezer have Kvitzas HaDerech, quick travel, (by the way, the first mention of hyperspace in history) when he was seeking a wife for Yitzchok? The Torah is alluding to us what the future halacha will be, that it would be permitted even to get engaged during Chol HaMoed or during the Nine Days.”
Perhaps it would have been more accurately presented as: “[PERHAPS] The Torah is alluding to us what the future halacha will be, that it would be permitted even to get engaged during Chol HaMoed or during the Nine Days”.
The notion that Jews should not bathe at all during the first 8 days of Av seems to be a fake minhag, without any source in CHAZAL.
Especially in a crowded, hot country like Israel, this fake minhag causes massive Chillul Hashem and contempt for the Torah.
My understanding is the Rav Ovadiya Yosef zt”l ruled that Ashkenazim who do not bathe during the first 8 days of Av are “chamorim”.
@RightJew – “The notion that Jews should not bathe at all during the first 8 days of Av seems to be a fake minhag, without any source in CHAZAL.”
1) Just to set the record straight: There is not such notion! Only bathing for pleasure is subject to any prohibition. Bathing to remove dirt, sweat, or because we all typically bathe daily (or more often) and are therefore all in the category of “istenis” is 100% mutar.
2) If we are going to call any and all minhagim which have been codified by Maran Beit Yosef, HaRav Moshe ben Yisroel (i.e. The ReM”A or Rav Moshe Israel’s), The MAgen Avrohom, Elya Rabba, etc. as Fake Minhagim, we are treading on some very thin ice both halachically and hashgafically.
3) It is hard to believe that doing the Ratzon HaShem can be categorized as a Chilul HaShem.
4) I have to assume that IF Chacham OVadia did indeed say that, he was using a cute play on words (Machmirim / Chamorim). Perhaps he held that they should be removing dirt better. But considering the VERY harsh words CHaZa”L have for those who use pejoratives on Yidden, I doubt very highly he was using the term literally.