Last night was another Adirei Hatorah event – a beautiful display of Kavod Hatorah and a way to express Klal Yisroel’s appreciation and acknowledgment of the yungerman’s integral role in our society. Special mention was also given to the nshei chayil who stand behind their husbands and sacrifice greatly to ensure his success in limmud Hatorah. Ashrecha!
There are always letters written afterward by someone who says he’s just a common man but he feels that his role in society as an ehrliche yid is just as commendable but never acknowledged. This letter is not such a letter.
This letter merely would like to mention another sect of society who sacrifice so deeply for Torah, even though sometimes they don’t get to reap the benefits of this dedication to Torah for many years.
I am referring to the chashuve single girls in shidduchim who are holding out for a long term learner- for someone to learn in Kollel.
These chashuve girls are working full-time jobs, earning and saving year after year to hopefully hold out a yungerman in Kollel.
These girls don’t have the pleasure or benefit of actually learning Torah, but they
are still as dedicated as can be, holding tightly onto their dreams as they plug away at their monotonous careers for years on end, putting away money as they daven fervently for their wish to be fulfilled.
What an incredible display of dedication and chashivus Hatorah!
They aren’t holding out for money, a life of luxury, or to be stay-at-home mothers, but rather for the chance to have a husband a Talmid Chacham.
This is something which is inspiring to see and is a real sacrifice for Torah. Yehi Ratzon that they, along with of of klal Yisroels singles, should be zoche to see their dreams fulfilled and find their zivug hagon bekarov.
Anonymous
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18 Responses
“I am referring to the chashuve single girls in shidduchim who are holding out for a long term learner- for someone to learn in Kollel. These chashuve girls are working full-time jobs, earning and saving year after year to hopefully hold out a yungerman in Kollel.
These girls don’t have the pleasure or benefit of actually learning Torah, but they
are still as dedicated as can be, holding tightly onto their dreams as they plug away at their monotonous careers for years on end, putting away money as they daven fervently for their wish to be fulfilled”
These are not “girls”. Nor do most of them “plug away at monotonous jobs” These young women are teachers, nurses etc. who provide the basic and essential services needed by the tzibur for our daily lives. They should be commended for their desire to marry a full-time learner but so should the much larger number of single and married women who provide support for their husbands who may learn either full and part-time and find ways to balance their limud torah and obligations to support their families.
This is getting silly I wouldn’t be surprised if both “letters to the editor” are by the same person
Lol
An older girl who is offered a shidduch but declines because she is “holding out” for a “talmid chacham” and a “life of Torah” is foolish. While she is young that is certainly something she could aspire for, but at a certain point she should not turn anyone down simply because they work. This is the sentiment that last mail bag was talking about. Young men with yirat shamayim who learn Torah and work should not be looked down upon. It’s not better to stay single “holding out” for a learner than be married to a working yere shamayim.
Being picky and never satisfied with what’s available is now praiseworthy? Gimme a break! רחל אשת רבי עקיבא married an עם הארץ and created the תנא.
I agree with you completely.
The greatest mitzvah that single Jewish girls
can possibly do, is that they ALL insist on
ONLY dating men who are learning full-time,
and refuse to consider anyone else,
thereby guaranteeing that any Jewish man
who is not studying in Yeshivah full-time
is locked out of shidduchim completely.
If men who are not studying in Yeshivah full-time
are permitted to participate in shidduchim
(G*D forbid), then they might eventually have
sons who also do not study in Yeshivah full-time.
Obviously, this cannot be permitted to happen!
For the good of the Jewish people, “non-learning”
boys must be locked out of shidduchim (no excuses)
and the best way to accomplish this desirable result
is for 100% of girls to insist on “learning boys” only,
with no exceptions and no excuses.
And while those mesires nefesh girls are waiting for their basherte Talmud chuchim thousands of chasidishe girls got married and build the future of Klal yisroel with blessed families of kinderlech. Not hundreds just thousands are nebech still waiting for their basherte.
I am not critical of those girls who are waiting for their husbands because I am not in a position of making opinions about their future life but it’s very clear that this situation needs serious discussion between all Gedolei hador and Rosh yeshivos.
Great satire!
The kesuba does not say the wife and/or her father has to support the husband/son-in-law. It says that he (the husband) must support his wife. The husband should get a job and set aside a time for learning, every day. All the tanaim in the gemora worked, as farmers, wine makers, store keepers, etc
This competition is getting out of hand already but if you ask me (of course I know that no one did) the ones with the greatest mesirus nefesh for Torah who are holding up the world the most are Yeshiva bochurim. By far. They are the ones who are living with the worst material conditions (if in dorms) with the least money, receiving the least recognition and learning the most hours.
>>>All the tanaim in the gemora worked, as farmers, wine makers, store keepers, etc
Not true. A few. Not all.
Sorry smerel, but I need to disagree. I have heard people compare yeshiva bachurim today to the achlei mon. They have everything handed to them without the struggle. There is little mesiras nefesh involved for the average bachur today and I would not be surprised if many would drop out if a bit of pressure was put on them. The only struggle they may be having is in regard to technology, but that is a whole different discussion….
Not all tannaim worked, some were independently wealthy. Some learned in abject poverty and were happy with that.
Maybe the market disbalance in learners is caused by unequal effort required: a boy to be considered an eligible learner needs to spend years in the beis midrash. The girls only need to generate a desire to marry a learner, which is achieved by listening to BY and seminary classes that do not involve learning Aramit and Tosafos. Obviously, the number of learners and would-be anshei chayil will be imbalanced.
The real test happens later when the girl finds out how much effort is required on her part to fulfil her role in practice. Luckily, she can always revert and request the advantages of the kesubah, including food & clothes. Maybe shver can still be on the hook, if the learner had a good lawyer.
Maybe, girls should pass some sort of OU-type certification that they are able to multi-task working, raising the family, taking care of the house, and show respect to the Learner before becoming eligible to marry a learner – and then the balance will be restored. I am volunteering to let BY candidates to run our household while my eshes chayil and I are going on a well deserved tiyul.
I’ve never rolled my eyes harder at an article in my life. Well said, @user176.
There is an even more exclusive club of those ehrliche Bnos Yisroel who have taken it upon themselves to only marry bochurim who shteig 24×7, have memorized ganz shaas and are on the short-list to be designated as one of the lamud vav tzadikim.
Seriously, at some point, people will get over this fixation and go back where we were in the alte heim where except for a few exceptional talmidim, most bochurim spent a few years in yeshiva but ultimately found a way to earn a parnassah, start a family and live their lives. These young men, who may not be talmidei chachamim yet manage to live a life of torah, along with their wives, also display a true mesiras nefesh.
Can we please stop calling 20+ year-old people “girls” and “boys”? These are adult men and women. Being unmarried doesn’t delay adulthood.
what if she never marries at all because she only wants to marry someone that learns Torah full time. ?
a tragedy that can be avoided if one understands the shidduch crises behoves one to be less picky when searching for marriage partners.