by Rabbi Yair Hoffman for the Sefas Tamim Foundation

In this week’s Parsha, Shlach, Moshe Rabbeinu agrees to send spies into Eretz Yisrael (Israel) to scout out the land. These spies were the greatest men among the nation, as Rashi points out. And yet, despite being the righteous people that they were, they still returned from their mission with a very negative report about Eretz Yisrael.  The Midrash Rabbah (16:11) points out that there were two sins that the spies committed when they relayed their negative report to Bnei Yisrael (the Jews). They declared:

“And there we saw the Nephilim, the giant sons of Anak, who come of the Nephilim; and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their eyes.” (BaMidbar 13:33)

The first sin is contained in the words, “we were in our own sight as grasshoppers”. The first sin was caused by a lack of Bitachon (faith) in Hashem. They were overly fearful. If they had more Bitachon, they would not have looked at themselves as grasshoppers, but rather as conquerors who could readily capture Eretz Yisrael if that was Hashem’s will. Regarding this sin, states the Midrash, Hashem responded, “I will forgive them for this.”

The second sin is reflected in the words, “…and so we were [as grasshoppers] in their eyes.” This was a lie, for how could they have known how they really appeared in the eyes of the Nephilim? The Midrash says that Hashem responded, “And do you really know how I made you appear in their eyes? How do you know that you did not appear in their eyes as [powerful] angels?!”  For this sin, Hashem was not as forgiving. This lie that the spies had told had devastating repercussions. Hashem punished Bnei Yisrael with the destruction of Hashem’s Batei Mikdash (both Temples) and the future exiles.

Surely the spies had meant well! As stated above, they were the greatest men among the nation. How did they come to tell such a devastating lie?

The spies saw Eretz Yisrael in an unwarranted, negative light which led them to lie. This negativity was likely born out of two biases that the spies harbored. The first bias was “confirmation bias”.

Confirmation bias is when we have our minds fixed on a personal belief or desire. When we encounter pieces of evidence that support and undermine our belief or desire, we discard the evidence that undermines it and retain the evidence that supports or “confirms” it. These spies held leadership positions among Bnei Yisrael which they would lose upon entering Eretz Israel. Wishing to retain their status, they discarded all the evidence that they encountered when scouting out the land that would lead them to believe that Eretz Yisrael was special and could readily be conquered. Instead, they focused on the evidence that indicated that conquering the land was impossible which supported their interests of staying in power.

The second bias the spies had was “negativity bias.” We possess a natural bias to at times, have an unwarranted, negative outlook called “Ayin Ra’ah” (See Pirkei Avos 2:11) that needs to be kept in check. The spies did not recognize this bias and this was the second reason that they viewed Eretz Yisrael negatively.

However, we may be able to use these biases to our advantage.

The Gemorah (Brachos 58a) says, “Ben Zoma would say: A good guest, what does he say? ‘How much effort did the host expend on my behalf, how much meat did the host bring before me! How much wine did he bring before me. How many loaves did he bring before me. All the effort that he expended, was only for me.’

A bad guest, what does he say? ‘What effort did the host expend? I ate only one piece of bread, I ate only one piece of meat and I drank only one cup of wine. All the effort that the homeowner expended was [not for me but was] only on behalf of his wife and children! [I just happened to be there at the time they were being fed!]’” The bad guest has this view because of his negative, and cynical outlook.

How can Ben Zoma say that a good guest says, “How much effort did the host expend on my behalf…?” Does a good guest always say this? Surely there must be times when a good guest is matched with a bad host and therefore has a bad experience?

The answer is that we can use our confirmation and negativity to our advantage. Ben Zoma is telling us that a good guest will usually have a good experience even if he is matched with a bad host. He recognizes that he has a negativity bias to overcome and therefore works on himself to go “the other way” and see things positively.

This is also the meaning of the pasuk, “v’samachta bechol haTov and you should rejoice in all the good that hashem has given you.”  It is also the meaning of the words in the pasuk, , “uVacharta baChaim – and you shall choose life.” Once he tries to see things positively, his confirmation bias will look for evidence that confirms his positive outlook and he will have a positive experience – even with a bad host.

We can positively apply these biases to our relationships as well. For example, if we tell ourselves that our wife or husband are inherently good, we will find examples of their goodness everywhere.  And it is not just our spouses.  When we are upset at a child, we tend to eclipse all the remarkable qualities that he or she does have.  We should focus on that and it will help us reap remarkable rewards.