We have all seen and heard about the string of Ponzi’s and dishonest business dealings in the frum community. It’s been published and discussed on YWN, Lakewood Alerts, and now a magazine has placed it on their front cover.
But have you wondered why? Why are we getting hit over and again by financial scammers? Did something happen, has something changed? There have been numerous frauds exposed in just the past few weeks; 20 years ago, five frauds being exposed in the frum community would take years. What happened to us?
I’d like to suggest a theory which I think also serves as a serious bit of mussar for all of us, myself included.
The theory is simple: Materialism has become our Avoda Zara, and the pursuit of it requires a literally endless amount of money.
Everyone has to go to Miami with their families for midwinter vacation, draining many of tens of thousands of dollars they don’t even have. Everyone has to go to Orlando for Pesach, squeezing them for another $25,000 or so, at minimum. Everyone has to go to Eretz Yisroel for Sukkos – tack on another $35,000. Everyone has to own a home in the Catskills. What’s the big deal? Just a few more hundred thousand dollars. Oh, and weddings! The engagement through Sheva Brachos gotta cost a minimum of $200,000 – you don’t embarrass yourself, right? You’re making a bris? Beautiful. Make sure it costs at least $10,000, otherwise you might look like a neb. Don’t forget your Tesla, magnificent house, and two full-time housekeepers (who of course come with you on vacation).
Don’t you think it’s become a little disgusting? We’re stuck in a rat race – a bottomless pit of trying to outdo each other, show how successful we are, live a pompous lifestyle to impress everyone else.
And none of this is being done for our own enjoyment, either. We have to do it because everyone else is. And everyone else? They have to do it because you’re doing it! See how this works? Everyone is chasing everyone else’s tail – an endless and pathetic game that leads to nothing but insecurity, inadequacy, and sadly, people winding up in prison.
Just take a look at what’s become common on Purim. When one person who stumbled into a fortune makes a million-dollar Purim party, every other guy who found a nickel on the sidewalk feels the need to do it too. And who is attending these parties? For the most part, it’s teens – impressionable bochurim who are implicitly absorbing the concept that money and materialism is all that really matters. And as an aside, how pathetic is it that multi-millionaires feel the need to spend millions on impressing teenagers who are less than half their age? The psychopathology behind that has got to be fascinating. Regardless, the impression that these parties, and all the other materialistic garbage we’ve allowed to become mainstream in society, are truly ruining us.
The worst part? Barely anyone can actually afford it! I personally was involved in a story in which a family’s home was destroyed in a fire days before a yom tov. I approached the family’s rav and asked him to endorse a fundraising campaign to help the family rebuild. The rav couldn’t believe that the family needed money, telling me how clearly wealthy the family was.
But I knew better, and I proved it to him, showing him this family’s actual finances – they were millions of dollars in debt. Millions! All to keep up with everyone else.
It’s very nice that we have articles telling people not to go into stupid investments, it’s wonderful that we have magazine articles advising us on how to invest our money, but you’re not solving anything with them. You’re not treating the root problem, which is that everyone is following everyone else, and for some reason, materialism is thought to be the key to happiness. And because of this, people will continue going into stupid investments because they have no choice but to strike it rich if they’re going to keep up with the crowd.
What we have to do is rise up as one and stop this madness. Do whatever it takes to end this, because our children are being poisoned, our families are being ruined, our finances are being crushed, and fathers are being sent off to prison.
Chaim M. – Lakewood, NJ.
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49 Responses
this is the best article i have seen in a long time
100% correct
and the party will be over soon as the recession hits big time and real estate will be hard to finance etc and values will drop
hashem yishmor
Couldn’t agree more with this!
Nice article. Though you must consider that the person falling for peer pressure is the one who has to get his act together and get help. If you’re able to afford such a lifestyle go ahead. Those ppl who take out loans to impress others are at fault themselves and are a bunch of insecure lowlifes.
There will always be ppl in klal Yisroel who are able to afford the fanciest of the fanciest and someone who can’t afford that lifestyle but fakes it is hurting himself and his family
There is another issue. Why are these people resorting to these in order to earn a living? Why not earn an honest occupation? Oh because college is treif.
Well if people are vain and stupid enough to live beyond thier means to impress others, and are jumping into precarious investments to keep up the false image, then ill say they are well deserving of thier fate. This is grade school level of immaturity. Better spend the money on therapy to understand why your self esteem is so low that you actually spend or do things so someone else can be impressed. I never consider anyone’s opinion when i go on vacation nor do i go beyond my means. Your all living fake lives. Do you even enjoy the vacation when you know that you have that debt after? And while in therapy, learn to build your courage to tell your spouse No. Good luck, now let the haters post!
Couldn’t agree more! Society needs to be held responsible collectively!
>>>20 years ago, five frauds being exposed in the frum community would take years. What happened to us?
(1)In the pre internet days such things did not spread unless they were major scams (I still have no idea about what the five scams being referred to here are) and (2)the frum community of the age to fall for these type of scams was a lot smaller so there were less people to fall for such things (3) the frum community in general had more of a work and earn attitude as opposed to an investor entrepreneurial attitude towards making money. People with a work and earn attitude are less likely to get involved in investments that aren’t heavily regulated or risky investments to begin with .
The rest of this letter about the outrageous raise in spending standards over the past twenty five years is true
Maybe paint a different picture
A guy making 150k-250k and has a family of 6 kids his basic expenses at a minimum 125-175k with out doing any of your fancy things you described
And his take home pay after taxes just covers or maybe he saving up some extra cash
Now the guy thinks I got to marry of my kids and at a MINIMUM it’s 50k that’s with doing the very minimum and if you want to upgrade above the bare basic it’s 60-70k
So if that the case that I think is the majority of people he put away a few dollars that he saved up in a decent investment then he has a fair chance of making it thru
Now some guys get blinded by the 18-20% percent return but most go with the regular of 7-8% and if they diversify they will do ok some will do very well and some with not do well but over all he will come out ahead over time
This letter writer is “spot on”!
Let’s not forget the new standard of the way a kiddush looks like. Meat boards and fish boards. Of course the new norm is to have “Toamehu”..
An onslaught of materialism which is only getting worse.
Great article. Though peer pressure is each person’s own problem. Noone asked anyone to live up to the Kohns! My husband & I make a decent living bh with 5 children. We do not go away for Pesach, we do not go to Miami or anywhere on vacation, we do not own a summer home, we dont lease a car (benefit of city life) we get no govt help. We pay taxes. we CANNOT pay our basic living expenses: yomtov, camp, tuition, food & rent. Anyone got a solution to that?? I cant understsnd how people make chasunahs.
lakewhut: one can earn a decent living without college and btw without high school too
This. Exactly this.
Bunch of noveau riche wannabees!
Old money never shows off or is ostentatious.
No conspicuous consumption.
The CTL daughters had their weddings in our gardens with outdoor sit down dinners.
Don’t be a follower, don’t go into debt to keep up with the Cohens and the Weisses.
This is a well written article, with one issue.
Everything is blamed on the “fathers”
With all ur respect, most peer pressure in today’s Heimishe society comes from the female side of the home.
Nowadays a girl is brought up that if she won’t be taken half way around the world every year, she won’t even consider the shidduch.
In shidduchim girls expect so much from their potential husbands, that the husband has no choice but to ‘fake it’
I’ve written this very bkitzur, but it can be elaborated…
The regular hard working father isn’t “impressing” his wife as much as the others are, and automatically feels pressure.
If the good wives of klal Yisroel would be happy with a hard working husband who brings in parnassa, can make Shabbos without going in debt, am without needing to fly around the world etc…. If that would be enough to make today’s young generation females happy, most of the problems won’t be here
@lakewhut Because an honest occupation is hardly enough to fund the lifestyle we’re talking about.
So much truth in this opinion piece. At least the Chassidishe rebbes used to be able to keep their khal in line. No longer. The wheels have come off.
the BIG question is WHY rent the rabbanim in every shul discussing the Ponzi schemes and materialism?
why isn’t the tzuibur being notified who these people are so they don’t fall for their next scam??
awareness is the key!
The article is meaningless because the writer won’t sign his full name. Not signing names to articles is another huge problem in the frum world. Everyone is hiding for some reason.
Moderators Note: Just like you.
@lakewhut
You are so behind times. Number one college is treif, todays colleges are from the most digusting places to be.
Even YU was forced to accept the current nonsense.
Second: Avrege starting salary from college educated is in the 60k-90k range depending on what your doing. Thats besides the student debt that most people have. In the jewish world you can start basicaly at 50k no educated no student debt and grow on your own hard work to well over 150k.
Unless your going to college for a profession that needs the certification ex Medical doctors, Lawyers ect. Then your just wasting your time. Get out there and start working hard
The article is meaningless because the writer won’t sign his full name. Not signing names to articles is another huge problem in the frum world. Everyone is hiding for some reason
Ephraim Jablon
Montreal
Oh and keeping up with the Jones justifies stealing from soomeone?
And the letter writer forgot to mention about the extravagant 100k plus vach nachts that include carving stations expensive wines full fledged entertainment and food that is enough for seudas shlomo hamaelech all for a 8 day old baby. Society has gone postal. Btw for those few sane people that are still left , move to Baltimore, Cleveland or Houston. None of this garbage is there.
The main Avoda Zara here is the desire to keep up with the crowd and to impress others.
Learning Chovos Halevavos is an excellent remedy for this.
It is highly doubtful that any of the talmidim of Rav Avigdor Miller zt”l suffer from any of the problems mentioned in this article.
yes great point about peer pressure in women circles… people are spending thousands of dollars to buy lace sheitels they can’t afford (ironically those sheitels are assur according to 99% of respected poskim) and this is especially true in the heimish communities where there is a huge pressure on ladies to get the fanciest clothing… people should either go out to work seriously and become successful or live a simple life, we have way to many wannabes
ELI
It is too late for the ones you know about. There will always be new ones and not everything is ponzi. Some investments are true and go for a while and then the market falls, be it be real estate, gold, silver, metal, oil etc. A Rav could actually ruin some innocent persons parnoso by being too hasty in paskaning. As in all choshen mishpat shailos he would have to research and hear the full picture before he answers. There are actually people who do make a lot of money. Good advice like not investing what you cant afford to lose and not borrowing money to invest and asking many questions and verifiying if the investment has some kind of guarantee is always welcome. Some choose to invest knowing its a risk. BECHIRA
No,
The real problem is people not getting on a firm financial backing and learning in kollel for many years. When the time comes to join the real world and support stops, and they have no money and tons of expenses to make up. It’s a huge gap and people get desperate.
Excuse me sir, you have a bit of jealousy showing… here let me get that for you dear.
Best of luck!
We are less than three years removed from Covid and Covid simchas. Everyone was waxing poetic about small backyard weddings, staying home for yom tov blah, blah, blah. People signed on to takanos and other wonderful sounding suggestions. Hashem removed covid (and hundreds of wonderful people from frum communities around the world) and were back to where we were. Now, there are shady people promising all sorts of easy money coming to teach the same lesson. Ben Heh Heh disagrees, LiFum Tzaara, Agra. There is no easy anything that yields results.
Moshe Mordechai Cohen – Flatbush, Brooklyn.
Eli or work yourself up in an industry. Most people don’t go from 0-1,000,000 in a year. Now you know why people resort to schemes. They don’t know how the world works and they take bad advice from their shul friends.
The drinks at the store the more kosher the more expensive
Nearly every moderately wealthy person ($1 million-$150,000,000 net worth.) whos financials I have reviewed cannot afford the lifestyle they are living.
Now obviously there are exceptions, like people with an eight figure net worths who are living on the standard of a well off two income family (two less than seven year old cars, living a decent single-family home that they rent out the basement of go to the Catskills in the summer, etc.).
But those are the exceptions. Most millionaires, I know are borrowing money to make Shabbos.
Which just goes to show how far the middle class crunch has now gotten.
Life isn’t as simple as you make it seem. At least in the secular world, the VAST majority of people who get scammed are the elderly and poor since people can take advantage of them and their desperate. People aren’t making bad investments so that they can go to Florida.
Wow! U hit the nail on the head! Kudus to you.
If I may, the trouble starts with the big Rebeim of our dor respecting the rich more than the bnei torah. The innocent “yungeleit” witnessing it, gets all the wrong vibes and trouble starts.
Anyone w a halfa brain can see thru the eyes of the swt yingerman. They’re bleeding & HUNGRY. The women by the buses are discussing their summer homes and houses that they’re “going” to buy. None of them afford it but everyone needs to inpress their neighbor that they’re rich, while he mayb found a nickel on the sidewalk.
The matzav is beyond sad how people are living beyond their means and their kids are starting a very sick lifestyle.
Just saying.
I remember growing up we went to a small bungalow colony in the catskills. It was barely livable, tiny, not very clean. We had the time of our lives there. The things that matter now mattered less then, and even less to the young kids. For us the country was about seeing our friends and playing outside in nature till the crickets came out and the sun went down. I’m not endorsing the bungalow which we stayed in, which was probably a hazard, but who needs these huge summer homes with private pools, wifi and ac in every room. The tiny bungalow colony life was where it was at. There was a simple pleasure that we got out of it then that we can’t recreate now with our luxurious modern homes, and no one knows why. This was only 15, 20 years ago. Things have changed so much. The pressure is coming from the parents to “give their kids the best” but it’s not for the kids, who don’t need it, but who only get more entitled from the excess. It’s for the adults to compete with their friends. Not even to outdo but just to keep up. So sad. All the extra money being poured into luxuries that in my experience don’t add to the simple joys in life, and that money could go to tzedakah. Can we just honestly look in the mirror and be comfortable with where and who we are without constantly comparing?
I also think that there’s many younger people out there striking it rich and they have no idea how to hold onto their money. They have a need to blow it on teslas and outlandish experiences. People used to know how to be classy with their money. These scandals should be a wakeup call. Iyh we should all experience the joy of simplicity and inner peace. The people who can’t do so should not be setting the standards.
This is a really dumb take.
Even if one is promised a fifty percent return, that still leaves the investor with less money to spend right now. Wasting your life on materialism doesn’t lead to investing money. Being part of the crowd and following everyone else does.
PS The letter writer’s lashing out at other people’s waste, is the same type of personality as one who spends because his neighbor does.
Well said… move to Staten Island. Close enough to in town jobs etc., yet with the out of town feel. The most wealthy people have the same houses etc. like everyone else. None of this showing off exists and the children have a special ‘feinkeit’.
New elementary school – Yeshiva Ketana of Staten Island just opened this past year and it’s very matzliach B”H!
Great place to bring up a toiradike family!
We must be honest with ourselves. The pressure to acquire and display markers of wealth has reached a peak in the frum world because these markers have come to define what a minimally ideal frum family looks like. This “ideal” is created at the highest levels of our community infrastructure through a vicious cycle: Our institutions rely on massive amounts of donations. The institutions have one main commodity to trade in exchange for donations; that is of course, Honor.
The natural result is that our leaders must continuously bestow ever greater amounts of honor and praise upon the wealthy. And all this before the eyes of our impressionable youth who internalize the very clear message: The wealthy are to be idolized. Wealth = tzidkus. It is a message that our institutions and media will sadly continue to implicitly peddle until someone is brave enough to push for an alternative.
I found this letter interesting as I am not yeshivish nor raised as such. Rather, I am what most people would consider modern orthodox. The community I live in has many shortcomings and there are many aspects of the more yeshivish community we should aspire towards. I find myself in Lakewood and the like fairly often. Furthermore, I work in an industry that has many entrepreneurs of yeshivish backgrounds. Over the past decade I have been floored by the behaviors aptly described in this letter and how it has permeated the yeshivish community. It is a level of money and brand “consciousness” that far surpasses the community I live in. Our yeshivish friends think that because we are “modern”, I or my children know all about these brands of clothing and watches and restaurants and places to go. We don’t even come close, and it isn’t like we are monks living in a cave. Frankly, it is very disheartening to see. Visibly financially successful people (achieved legally or otherwise) in the yeshivish community are treated like celebrities and in some (stress some) circles have surpassed the notoriety, respect and example to emulate that was usually accorded to talmidei chachamim. It is a challenge with no magical fix but it is very unhealthy for any community, yeshivish or otherwise.
I wouldn’t call it an Avoda Zarah, but a hobby. Everyone has a hobby. Everyone needs a hobby. Goyim get their needs by obsessing over sports vechulo. Bnei Torah sit and learn when they have time. And the rest of us? What do we talk about at shul kiddush? money, home improvements, food, gvirim, real estate, stock market, business ad nauseum. Others obsess over politics which is just as bad. We just need to find better hobbies…
The letter is excellent! Thank you!
As many of the comments have shared this is unsustainable for most and can have ר”ל terrible impacts on families and lead to future cases of ‘חילול ה.
It is up to the Rabbanim and Roshei Yeshiva to address this important topic loudly and consistenly. I think the reason why this has not yet happened is obvious. They need these big spenders to donate generously to their Mosdos. It is bad for business to criticize your biggest supporters. Unfortunately, I don’t see how that can change.
A few of these investments were NOT the regular fraud schemes. The people running them are COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS and used the money to fund the addiction. Addiction is a matter that must be addressed in our community. There is help out there for those that need, including places that work with the Frum community. If you are a suffering addict DO NOT hesitate to get help. Please take a lesson from these people who will likely go to JAIL for a very long time and have destroyed their families and the lives of countless others
I couldn’t agree more with TorahJewfromNY.
The pressure problem is probably 70% on the women and 30% on the men.
While men may feel some pressure to have a designer belt or shoes ($300-600, and lasts a couple years), women have it way worse. Shaitels, jewelry, coats, many more pairs of shoes, dressing the kids, etc. How the home looks (kitchen remodel, homegoods) is more of a reflection on the women as well.
Simchas is probably equal between men and women.
We need the women to step up!
Stop demanding your husbands make more!
we have created a “gvir culture” where we salivate and admire the mega rich or those that act that way
our children see this and thats all they think about
meat platters teslas private planes real estate and health care
you can have all the aderie torah conventions you want
the youth look up to the givirim
not the kolel yungleit get 13,500
they look up to AK settlement not the rosh yeshivas salary!!!
ELI
It is too late for the ones you know about. There will always be new ones and not everything is ponzi. Some investments are true and go for a while and then the market falls, be it be real estate, gold, silver, metal, oil etc. A Rav could actually ruin some innocent persons parnoso by being too hasty in paskaning. As in all choshen mishpat shailos he would have to research and hear the full picture before he answers. There are actually people who do make a lot of money. Good advice like not investing what you cant afford to lose and not borrowing money to invest and asking many questions and verifiying if the investment has some kind of guarantee is always welcome. Some choose to invest knowing its a risk. We all have BECHIRA
I’d love to ask every girl who just got back from seminary what “Machshiv Torah” means?
Of course she’s Machshiv Torah and wants to start out marriage as a kollel wife…….. as long as there’s no sacrifice.
Want to drive a used Camry or a new MDX?
Want to go on vacation to Lancaster or Aruba?
Want cleaning help for 4 hours a week or for 4 hours a day?
Want sleepless nights or a nurse for 2 months post-baby?
Want a new shaitel every 2 years or every 5 years?
Want new jewelry every YT or every 3 years?
Want to work? Or go to the gym, shopping, out with friends, etc.
the sad part is that nothing is going to change
Who are you????? I want to give you such a huge hug!!!!!!!!!! You are so, so, so on target!!!!! Our total self worth is now determined by the “level” of simchas we make, the house or houses we live in…… and now even the Purim bash that we host. It’s gotta stop, but it won’t until we stop focusing the spotlight on these people. When chashuvim visit a neighborhood and allow themselves to be hosted by the PLAINIST rich guy (it’s gotta be a rich guy because usually they visit on behalf of a moisad) in the neighborhood, that would be a statement.
@Yeshivadump
I too am very familiar with both the Yeshivish and Modern Orthodox worlds and I have to say it’s as if you took the words straight out of my head. It’s not like the modern orthodox world doesn’t have it’s gvirim – they have plenty. And they indulge in meat boards and fancy weddings just like the yeshivish do. But there is a massive difference in how wealth fits into their overall value system. An example that really demonstrates this difference would be the custom of the gabbai announcing pledge amounts out loud by aliyahs – very common in heimeshe shuls, yet almost unheard of in modern orthodox shuls. The practice is viewed very disfavorably by most modern orthodox people.
On the other hand, another fact is that the the yeshivish gvir gives wayyyy larger donations than his M.O. counterpart. Interesting.
My personal theory on this comes down to economics. The yeshivish world is an aristocracy: An upper class of very wealthy aristocrats, and a peasant class of kollel yungerleit and rebbis. There is an enormous dependency on the aristocrats to financially support community’s institutions and peasant-class. In contrast, the M.O. community has a comparatively flatter distribution of earning potential due to its higher rate of education, and therefore its institutions source their funds from a broader segment of the community. This puts less reliance on the richest members for support, and therefore there is less need to shower them with public honor and praise in exchange for donations. The trickle-down result is that the M.O. culture suffers from comparatively less gvir-envy. Just my theory.