By Rabbi Yair Hoffman for 5tjt.com

What follows are humorous dating stories that actually occurred with some minor details changed to protect privacy.  The dating stories are connected by the author to the weekly parsha to bring out Torah lessons and hashkafos.  We begin with Parshas Bereishis.

“And Hashem built the rib that He had taken from the man into a woman, and He brought her to the man.” (Bereishis 2:22)

A yeshiva student was set up on a date and picked her up at her home.  Unbeknown to the young man, the young lady he had picked up had just been in an argument with her mother.  The argument had run as follows:

Mother:  Look, you are about to date a yeshiva student.  You really should button the top button of your blouse.

Daughter:  I will look very nebby if I do so, and besides it is not me.  This is not how I would dress and I would like him to see the real me.  It would be fake.

Mother:  It is disrespectful to both the young man and to the shadchan.  You should button it.

Daughter: Sorry, mom.  I am not listening to you on this.  I don’t want to be fake.

The time for the date had arrived, and the Yeshiva student was prompt.  He came into the house and exchanged pleasantries with  the parents.  The two left and entered his car. After a few minutes of driving, the young man requested that she close her button.

The young lady was incensed.  “I just want you to know that just before you arrived, I had this discussion with my mother.  I disagreed with what she had said, and although she may be rightm I think it is wholly inappropriate for someone like you to say something like this.  For someone concerned about tznius – this is the ultimate violation of tznius – talking about it to a date.  What a chutzpah!”

He responded, “Tznius? What tznius?  We are driving through an unsafe area and I was referring to the car door button.”

The young woman was rather embarrassed. (Note to Readers;  In the late eighties and early nineties the car door knob, which has been phased out on account of rising car theft, was called a “button.” The part is still sold in auto part stores for older model cars).

The Midrash Tanchuma (Parshas Vayaishev) points out that the pasuk in Bereishis quoted above, “And Hashem built the rib that He had taken from the man into a woman” –  tells us that Hashem specifically chose to form Chava from a rib.  But, the Midrash points out that Hashem could have chosen any limb to do so.  Why then did He choose the rib specifically?

The Midrash explains that Hashem did so specifically to teach the importance of Tznius – modesty.  The rib is hidden inside the body which indicates the notion of modesty.  It demonstrates that it is a proper thing to inculcate this trait within us.

The Gemorah in Shabbos (140b) informs us that Rav Chisda would tell his daughters to respond to a knock on the door with the question of, “Who is it [in feminine conjugation – who is she]? -instead of who is he?”  This was so that they would not overly accustom themselves to speak to males (see Rashi ibid.)

And then there is the entire Siman 23 of the Even HaEzer section of Shulchan Aruch dealing with the laws of Yichud.

To the uninitiated, these sources might seem to over-emphasize the concepts of modesty and tznius.  Many people question why this seems to be such a recurrent theme in Torah thought.  Many Rabbonim are often asked, “Really, in the modern age, isn’t this too extreme?”

One of Hashem’s Names is Shalom. The fact is that most killings in this country happen for either money or over jealousies in relationships.  Indeed, that is also the reason for most divorces and break up of families.  In America, dueling was a fixture throughout the 19^th century,as it was in Europe and in England.  Most of the dueling was on account of jealousies in relationships.  Boruch Hashem, by and large, Torah-observant Jews are able to avoid these problems.

Developing a tznius outlook is important in maintaining shalom in the general community.  In the modern office culture, inadvertent relationships between men and women working together can develop.  These relationships can wreak havoc in marriages.  At home, a spouse can sometimes be testy, and does not necessarily  dress or behave their best.  Not so in the office.

There are so many challenges in the workplace where there are shared experiences and challenges, flirtatious individuals, and even just casual conversations between co-workers.  This can happen in both types of work environments, the secular and even the religious ones.

The Mesilas Yesharim describes the yetzer HaRah as an ish milchama umelumad b’armimus – a man of war who is skilled in the art of deception.  The workplace can definitely be a slippery slope.  The solution to all this is ensuring that we inculcate appropriate values and boundaries. In what we do and don’t do.

Getting back to the dating story, although we do not realize it, the excessive texting to members of the other gender, the shorter, skirts and the more open neckline or open buttons can often contribute to the overall decline of the family, and of what a marriage should be.

The author can be reached at [email protected].  If anyone has an amusing dating story that can be included in a future column, please forward it to the author.