The global pandemic that has forced many singles from meeting at the coffee shop, to meeting on their smartphones. Dating applications are a great way to meet new people, both locally and internationally. 

However, a digital love life also has its consequences, such as a new “pocketing” trend where users hide their lovers from the public.That’s not going to stop the use of such apps like POF, Badoo, LAC, or even the ones where people meet for free sex. But nonetheless, Pocket dating is the new generation’s growing trend. 

“Pocketing” is a New Trend

Dating on-line can be exciting since apps allow users to see an endless carousel of attractive faces. But for some, the game doesn’t end once they’re in an official relationship with someone. Social media platforms continue to show profiles of singles who are potential matches. In other words, the game doesn’t end until the player stops looking.

This is where “pocketing” comes in as a way to hide a partner from the public eye. This makes the user appear single, and therefore available to their network of followers and strangers all around the world. 

On an episode of the TODAY Show with Hoda & Jenna, guest host Justin Sylvester described the practice in simple terms:

“Pocketing is when one person doesn’t acknowledge or post their boyfriend or girlfriend on their social media,” he said.

Sylvester’s reference is related to the use of Instagram, through which users can send direct, or private messages to anyone on the platform. People will sometimes send DMs to users who they believe are single in an attempt to grab their attention. And if they don’t see that the person is in a relationship, they have all the more reason to send a message, guilt-free.

“Girls, if you’re in a relationship and your man hasn’t posted you, nine times out of 10, you’re a sister wife,” Sylvester said. “And you didn’t even know it.”

Better Without Social Media

“Pocketing” often leaves one person clueless as to the other’s intentions, as well as the state of their relationship. Sometimes, though, it may not be intentional since some users prefer not to post their intimate lives on social media. 

TODAY show host Jenna responded with a question about whether her husband should create an Instagram account to post about her.

“Ok, but I have a husband and he don’t post anything about me,” she said. “Does he need to get on Instagram just to put our love out there?”

“No,” Slvester said. “Don’t ever, ever walk your man into Instagram if he doesn’t have it.”

It may be that a user doesn’t realize a person is in a relationship because of a lack of intimate photos, and they may send a DM hoping to connect. However, there is also the opposite case in which someone is very well aware of an existing relationship. In this situation, they might decide to send a private message anyway.

“There are some nasty people out there that will slide into someone’s DMs because they think your man is the one,” Sylvester added. “So keep him off social media.”

What an Expert Thinks

Susana Winter is a relationship expert who often posts videos online giving advice to those dating on-line and using local hook up apps (see here). She feels that while pocketing may be unintentional, both people should be aware of the negative psychological effects.

“You can’t have it both ways. You can’t get the best of us in private and then hide us from the public. It makes the person feel like you’re ashamed of them, or that they’re inferior or inadequate and nobody wants to feel that way,” she said.

Winter believes that “pocketing” isn’t a new trend, but rather an outgrowth of a bad habit. Before, she says, there was the term “side chick” which meant she was kept out of an inner circle of friends and family. Winter calls this BDB, or ‘Bad Dating Behavior,’ and suggests that it’s been around for a long time. 

Ultimately, choosing to pocket someone while using dating applications says a lot about a person’s feelings towards the other, and the state of their relationship. 

“You will know where you stand in your partner’s life by how far they let you into their inner circle,” she said in her viral YouTube video. “So if your partner has never introduced you to their friends… and your partner has never allowed a picture of the two of you together to go on social media… then you definitely do not have a partner. Not in the traditional sense.”

The pocket trend hopefully ends up in something fruitful but for those hard on luck, there’s still the MILF hookup site, a more transparent dating solution that has no strings attached.