“What normally is innocent (like this case) becomes something we avoid when it smacks of goyishe hashkofos’
This very clear and truthful explanation goes to the heart of many machlokis debated here in the CR. Someone decides that an otherwise mutar, rational or functional form of behavior or activity has morphed into “goyeshe hashkafos”, creates the potential for “maris ayin” or is simply inconsistent with how our grandparents acted, dressed, spoke etc in the Alte Heim. When that “someone” is a big daas torah, we obviously stop and consider his argument. When that “someone” is a chashuvah CR poster (other than Reb E who is our virtual LRP) we give it thoughtful consideration but don’t feel any obligation.
As others have noted, there are multiple reasons why a woman might legitimately want to retain her maiden name or hyphenated name after marriage. Feminism along with other “isms” and practical reasons are possible drivers but there is NO chiyuv to do something that is really important to you as an individual or a member of a family in order to conform to some abstract psak about a non-existant geder under halacha. Proudly keep your name if thats your preference and if gives you a positive sense of kavod to your father’s name.