Ujm, i think what yehudis might mean is that when there are sholom bayis issues, no rov would tell the woman to pipe down, look at her husband as a king, and move on. I hope you’d agree to that. Being a king doesn’t mean that a woman bows and is completely mevatel herself. Also, a woman’s mitzvah of kibuv av veaim isn’t nullified, it’s just that her duties to her husband come first – “reshus acherim alehah”. But as much as a rov will tell a woman that her responsibility to her husband comes first, he will also tell a man to prioritize his wife over his other family members.
Yehudis, ishah keshereh osah ratzon baalah is definitely taught to kallos in the yeshiva and chadidish world, as it should be. What’s also taught is self respect and having zero tolerance for verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. The ideal dynamic is not oppressive at all.
The attitude of looking at a husband as a king is a two way street; he is to look at her as a queen, duly consider her counsel, and honor her more than himself, amid the myriad other responsibilities a “kingly” husband has to his wife. A king is not a dictator; he is a king because he is accepted as such and his authority is the result of deserving it. If he acts like an idiot, he can’t expect his wife to have much respect for him. Rabbonim advise men to earn their wives’ respect by not getting angry, learning in the house, being careful about minyan, and many other things. They don’t tell the husband “yeah, your wife is breaking halacha…she should jump in a lake”.