Avira,
to help you reconcile Gemora w/ R Tendler, one line of reasoning is that women are obligated in learning mitzvos relevant to them. Chafetz Chaim applied that in endorsing BY concept of learning Tanach and Mussar. The claim is that modern educated women need Gemora learning to support their emunah at the intellectual level they are. So, they need to learn it and it is not a trade-off, but a simple requirement. Same way, a woman who prepares for Pesach needs to know halochos of Pesach, so a woman with a law degree needs to understand Yiddishkeit at the same level.
There is a lot to criticize in this concept and think critically whom it can be applied to and how, but the claim seems to be well within the parameters of halakhic discourse. You may be particularly unappreciative to the concept because it applies less to women in your community, so you do not see the relevance.
some caveats thrown around that I did not check out, but if you want to look into this: [I am skipping references by authors you do not like]
Rav Aharon Soloveitchik, 1986 – prohibiting coerced study based on Torah Temima (Devarim 11:19) who quotes the Teshuvot Maayan Ganim [this puts in questions a lot of high schools who do that :)]
Tzitz Eliezer (9:3)
Rav Yehuda Henkin (Teshuvot Bnei Banim 3:12)
Rav Chaim David Halevi (Teshuvot Asei Lecha Rav 2:52)