Avira, I hope that you find a good therapist. Being expelled by the Land did a real number on you. It turned you into a spy. As for Rav Chaim Brisker, he did not say that the person is liable just that that is what he is. Similarly, someone who desecrates Shabbat because he does not know what it is is a Shabbat desecrator but he is not considered to be at fault. BTW, the Chabad rabbi of Budapest did accept Csanad Szegedi. He gave him a new mission to fight anti-Semitism. As I previously posted, executing a Nazi or kapo can also be a form of ahava as it enables atonement, or at least stops him from adding to his sins.
Shimon Nodel, actually, leaving a spouse in order to stop making him or her miserable is a form of ahava, which is not necessarily the same as the English word “love”, as I previously posted.