Rational; there are a lot of things that make Judaism look unpalatable for western audiences. We’re not reform, who change the Torah to make it go down easier for the consumer, chas veshalom. If they are true, they are not “unthinkable”; the Torah was given to bnei adam, “mentchen”, and not animals. The Torah is also above our understanding, and is a chochma ila’ah, an elevated wisdom emanating from Hashem, who is “les machshava tefisa bay”, no thoughts can reach him. Pointing out how this is true through demonstration that there is no mitzvah to love your parents, children, etc, is important – we should not lower the Torah to an earthly document of laws akin to hamurabbi chas veshalom. I doubt a newcomer to Judaism will be discouraged ny reading a coffee room thread.
Re, the rambam in hilchos ishus – if I haven’t made it clear by now in my posts, I’ll say it outright; im not “omed al diburo”, and I’ll admit that i don’t know everything; i can admit that I was not aware of the word “love” in rambam nor in the gemara he’s based on (see magid mishnah there). That being said, the rambam follows this statement of oheva kegufo etc with discussion of how to spend his money. The ahavah he refers to seems to mean giving her things and making her feel loved. He is not referring to an obligation as to how he feels about her. Let’s say he’s never worked at marriage before; he started out with gaga feelings and infatuation. Then one day, it hits him that he’s not feeling love very much anymore. He starts feeling resentment; maybe regret. The answer here is to give! Give of time, money and resources and he will build ahavah. The gemara that the rambam is based on says “one who loves his wife like his body, and honors her more so, on him the pasuk says “and you will know that your tent is peaceful etc..”.
I still think it’s referring to behavior, not to an obligation to feel a certain way. Could be that I’m wrong; I’m not “married” to my position