Full disclosure, I’m single so I cannot relate. Still, it seems like you need a new Rabbi yesterday. He may be an outstanding talmid chacham, but he clearly isn’t at all knowledgeable about adhd. He is giving you a bad eitzah. You should get a new Rabbi or at least have two, one of which can properly advise you.
Your wife doesn’t need you to be more like your neighbor, she didn’t marry your neighbor. She needs you to be the best YOU. There is only one you, so be yourself and be the best YOU can using only your strengths and potential. She will truly come to appreciate you and realize you are the best man in the entire world.