As long as we are addressing the issue, I will pick up something in the earlier comment of n0m. Asking the wrong things.
We have created a monster of fiction called the “learning boy”. One would expect that this refers to a bochur who is fully capable of becoming klai kodesh who has the desire to apply himself to full time learning. It should have nothing to do with the “flow”, the “image”, or the indoctrination by yeshivos. We need such klai kodesh, and kollelim provide such an opportunity.
But we have many that enter the “learning boy” category to avoid responsibility, to follow the image and flow. These make up too large a percentage of the yungerleit sitting in kollel. And they do so at the expense of parents and in-laws, as well as a drain on the community. There is no such halacha that once married, a boy has to stay and learn. There is no halacha that a boy should be dependent long term on anyone. There is no halacha that women should work to provide parnosoh for the home. So information that a boy is not a bum is dressed up to make it sound like he is a budding Rabbi Akiva Eiger or Pnai Yehoshua. This has no moral standing, and our being complicit in this is shameful.
We fail to explore the midos of prospective chassanim and kallos. Our tendency is to avoid detail, and pay far more attention to the erudition of one’s Torah study, appearance, the reputation of the family, and to money related issues. Should one not probe to learn about what the boy or girl does when they are angry? I bet that has greater impact on the viability of the marriage than whether the boy completed 5 masechtos or only 2. I bet it matters more than whether either side has money or yichus.
Asking the right questions doesn’t guarantee an answer, and maybe even an accurate, truthful answer. And the Chofetz Chaim is clear that negative information provided here is NOT lashon horah.
So, yes, do the research. And we should all daven that this research produces the right info that helps everybody find their zivug.