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I recently bumped into a yungerman I know. Naturally, I inquired where he is living and how his family is. As one may guess from the thread title, the conversation became awkward, because he had been through a divorce that I didn’t know about. I personally would appreciate to know when people are divorced, whether it is for future interactions, or if there is something I can do to help out either party. I understand no one wants to advertise divorce, yet I feel there is benefit in people knowing. Should there be a website like there is simchaspot and onlysimchas, for gitten? Perhaps, a gitten section after mazel tov listings. I really had this thought. Then it developed into this trolling thread. So coffee room, what do you have to say?
Many years ago, “Yankel”, a guy in the Yeshiva I learned in (in Eretz Yisrael) got engaged shortly after Shavuos. I went back to the States for the summer.
That Elul, I bumped into Yankel. After wishing him a hartzige Mazel Tov, we shmoozed about where he was living, etc.
After a five minute conversation, I continued on my way and met “Shmuly”.
He says, “Such a shame about Yankel!”Turns out, they didn’t even make it through Sheva Berachos…
not everyone agrees with publicising a divorce.
A better question is why don’t people try to work through a marriage (such as yankel who couldn’t even last 7 days) why do people rush to divorce?
Coffeeaddict – i definitely think you need a disclaimer there. While i havd been told from people involved in gitten that there are many who could work things out, there are also some very serious situations that are kept secret until the wedding is over. I have a co worker who was hit second day sheva brachos, a friend’s child who was told “we didn’t want to mention this til after the wedding…” and a few addiction situations that were hidden until the individual had no more opportunities to dissapear without notice for various reasons. Those situations may not be majority, they may even be few, but PLEASE don’t forget to throw in a disclaimer for the benefit of the “victim”.
End soapbox
start the website
you can have several tabs for all potentially awkward situations
A tab for divorces, broken engagements, people who don’t have children, have children off the derech got firedI don’t know what happened while I was typing my phone refreshed so not sure if it went through
I don’t know if that’s fully correct syag, it depends if the person wants to change or not
I know of addicts (hey I’m one of them 😉) that go to twelve step programs and want to learn to become a better person and they are happily married and sober
I can also understand the “abusive” person who hasn’t learned how to use their words when they were a kid and now has to learn how to use their words to express themselves instead of their hands and if they want to learn now that’s great for them
Obviously if a person doesn’t want to change then there’s no question the person shouldn’t be married because that is the whole point of marriage
I understand no one wants to advertise divorce, yet I feel there is benefit in people knowing.
I would reword that.
I understand there is benefit in people knowing , but no one wants to advertise divorce.
As in many areas in life, there’s a conflict between the advantages and disadvantages of a particular action.
I don’t think a website advertising divorces will happen, nor should it, despite the fact that there would be some benefit to it.
I can also understand the “abusive” person who hasn’t learned how to use their words when they were a kid and now has to learn how to use their words to express themselves instead of their hands and if they want to learn now that’s great for them
Not great for the kallah for her to be the one he learns on.
If he is physically abusive during sheva brachos, that is grounds for an immediate get.
With all respect, a “website” for announcing gitten is either a bad joke or a solution in search of a non-existent problem. If a couple decide to separate or divorce, it is THEIR personal decision to be shared with those THEY feel should know at a time of their choice. In the secular world, one or both parties actually send out “announcements” of their “singledom” to selected friends and family with new contact information, the names they are going by, etc. The fact that someone feels embarrassed by assuming a couple is together when they have separated is the least important factor compared to the desire of most divorcing couples to keep it private.
As the resident Divorce lawyer in the group let me pass a few comments.
Here in the USA, in addition to a get, most also go through a civil divorce. A case look up on the Judicial website will have names, dates, etc. Most other details are not available to the public.
Contrary to the public, most goyim don’t send singledom announcements (the bulk of my clientele is goyim). Even with a divorce rate of about 50% there is still shame and social stigma in a failed marriage.
As to hidden defects, an anecdote. 49 years ago, a female first cousin got married. In the Yichud room the boy took out a needle and shot up. The boy’s family had hid his heroin addiction. He lied and said it was insulin and his blood sugar was low from fasting. She knew better, you use insulin to bring down your blood sugar, not raise it. The officiant, ripped up the civil marriage license and never recorded it, she went home with her parents and a get was given promptly.
But it became knowledge that she had a bad experience and it took 10 years til she married again and has been married for 39 years. As for the boy, he left town and we never heard about him again.OnlyGittin.com and GittinSpot.com are available for registration.
Terrible idea. A website like this will do more harm than good.
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