[COMMUNICATED CONTENT] One of the important lessons I have learned and continue to learn over the years is the value of truly listening to what a person says.  The challenge is the times where an individual will say something that seems to make no sense at all. People who communicate in this way are often cast aside as mental health ‘cases’ and henceforth are treated as mental health cases. That is to say that their communication is accepted as babble.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is one of those examples that makes little to no sense at all to anyone but the sufferer.

The person with the OCD tendencies will come to the therapist and say “I have OCD and I feel like I need to keep washing”. Instinctively the therapist will look at them and think “he looks clean so it must be a meshugas”.  (Yes, therapists do think these things about their clients, although of course they will never admit to it).  “I will use x technique or methodology to influence the client to stop the pattern”.

This approach never really made any sense to me. To put it plainly, what is the therapist doing that is any different than what the client’s father, mother, brother, sister or friend had already attempted? In all truthfulness, it seems like more of the same pattern.

As an issue which seems to be quite common in the frum (religious) societies, it is an issue worth looking into with different perspectives.

Dirt as a Metaphor

Religious people will easily be able to relate to the concept of water as a spiritual purifier. Biblically, we know of the mikvah as water that purifies. We also have a number of sources in the Torah where it is spoken of that G-d will purify us with water.

We also know that ‘dirt’ is moreover used as a description of what many consider impure, contaminated and sinful.

It is worth keeping in mind that a client is unlikely to blurt out a sentence such as “I am feeling dirty with guilt and shame because I am a sinner”.

On a conscious level, all the client knows is that they are looking for a way to not feel anxious about dirt. But they inadvertently neglect to make the point that the feeling is about their soul’s becoming ‘tainted’ and not their physical body.

Naturally when a client states that they ‘feel’ dirty and have a compulsion to scrub and wash away the dirt, they are asking (in other words) that as therapists we confront them with what is really going on for them.

If we are to go about using an approach which denies the client their problem and utilize unsystematic interventions to try and save the family situation…we should not be surprised when we hear people wondering if there is a real cure for ‘OCD’. Since this makes as much sense as telling a person that their problem is just in the mind, which is evidently quite a useless strategy.

The approach being proposed is that in order to effectively create lasting change it would involve properly accepting the person’s model of the world. This means seeking out and exploring not just what the person is saying in words but the intention behind the communicated words.

With regards to knowing the intention, there could be various different implications depending on the issue and the way it is presented by the client. A person who religiously washes his hands just in case he touched an impure substance is not the same as one who spends much of his time in the shower scrubbing away because of his desperate need to get rid of the dirt anxiety.

Of course there are cases where the obsessive washer’s intention has nothing to do with dirt and there too we would need to explore further and not just take it as another generalized OCD diagnosis.

How Do we Keep Our Children from Developing OCD Patterns?

For some parents their deepest fear is that their child has or will develop a mental health issue. Undoubtedly, their fear will not be helpful for their child.

It is important to recognize that many children do have a tendency to become anxious at times, for various reasons which will have different connotations. It is always best that a parent avoid trying to come up with conclusions, no matter what they have read or heard on the subject.

At times a parent or teacher will have a predisposition to generalize a child’s negative behavior. Although the intention may be to keep the child on the ‘derech’, this type of suggestive message will ultimately become embedded on the child’s identity and will likely create patterns in anxiety.

An example of commonly used ‘generalized terms’ are words such as ‘always’ and ‘never’.

Cause and effect language (implying that one thing is causing another) is another pattern that if used in a certain way will encourage feelings around guilt and shame. This is common with some parents and teachers who overly center their chinuch and yiddishkeit on schar v’oinesh. Although it may be useful as a motivation strategy, such an approach can have a very negative effect.

The bottom line is to concern yourself less with ‘fixing’ your child and get involved more in creating a fun and easy going atmosphere in your home.

Menachem Schloss sees private clients for OCD, anxiety and depression related issues in Jerusalem, Beit Shemesh and for overseas clients Via Skype.

Email for questions or comments: [email protected]

Visit Menachem’s website here: http://www.menachemschloss.com/