According to Merriam- Webster jealousy is the feeling of being “hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage.” Almost everyone has felt jealous at one point in their life. But, when it becomes all consuming and gets in the way of your mental health in the long term it becomes a problem. You may have felt it when your best friend became someone else’s best friend, or even when your sister got the newest phone that you wanted. Some people use jealousy when they do not have strong and healthy ways of coping. Luckily, by learning new skills and focusing on improvement of yourself you can begin to overcome jealousy. If you have been chronically jealous it may take time to overcome, but with persistence anything is possible. You can use these 10 techniques to help overcome your jealousy. 

Look Inside

Being jealous sets up a mindset of you against another person, but the person you are truly battling is yourself. The first step in overcoming jealousy is looking inwards to understand why you are this way. Sometimes jealousy can stem from past instances of neglect in your life or a low self esteem. Be honest with yourself about what the things are in your life that you need to get past. This will be different for everyone so be patient with yourself in this step. Some great techniques to reflect are meditation and journaling. With journaling you can write freely about how you are feeling and the experiences in your life. This reflection experience is very cathartic and can even help to improve other areas of your life as well. 

Ask Yourself Why You are Jealous

Once you have examined the deep rooted causes of your jealousy it is time to look at the specific situations you have encountered where you were jealous. Think about why you were jealous in the moment. You will have to remind yourself why you were overcome with jealousy. This is a great way to understand your triggers to help prevent future bouts of jealousy. Also, while you may not want to feel jealous it is a real feeling and you need to be understanding to yourself. Do not put yourself down for having these feelings, instead be kind to yourself and give yourself a bit of grace. Before you can continue in the process of overcoming jealousy you have to acknowledge what is going on inside of your mind. 

Get to Know the Other Person

Jealousy may make you feel that the other person is the cause for your feelings. You can begin to feel hostile towards them feeling that they have an advantage over you or that they are purposely taking away something that you love. It can be easy to continue blaming them, but you also have to consider their point of view. The next step is to get to know the other person. Consider how they are feeling. For example, if your sister got the new phone you were wanting the chances are she was not doing it to spite you. She probably wanted the phone the same way you did, not because you wanted it and she wanted to show off. In considering her point of view you may find that she is feeling very happy that she got a new phone and is feeling grateful for the opportunity. In getting to know the other person you can see the joy they are experiencing and that it is not trying to harm you in any way. 

Look for the Positives

It may not feel like it, but there are probably some positives for you as well. When you are beginning to feel jealous you should look at the positive side of the situation. Getting stuck in a mindset of jealousy can make you feel like everything and everyone in the world is against you. While this can feel very real to you, in reality there are many positive things happening to you. Looking at the sister’s phone example, some positives are that you can see the phone before you buy it. By testing out the phone and getting to play with it you can see if the phone is really something that you would like to have. You could also use it as a bonding experience with your sister since you are both interested in the same thing. Looking at the positives isn’t always easy, but with practice it is a great skill to have to try and overcome feelings of jealousy. 

Practice Gratitude

Practicing gratitude is similar to looking for the positives, but there is a distinct difference. Practicing gratitude focuses on being grateful for what you already have instead of looking for positives outside of yourself and in the situation. Practicing gratitude could be a technique used in the moment or even on a regular basis. You can be grateful for things related to the situation or completely unrelated to it. Some common things people are grateful for are friends, family, their home, school, work, and many others. Gratitude has shown to decrease the instance of malicious jealousy and envy  and instead be a benign envy. So, while gratitude may not completely rid you of your jealousy it can make it much less intense. 

Communicate Your Feelings

To overcome jealousy you oftentimes have to include others as well. Reflecting internally is helpful but having social support and incorporating those you are jealous of is very helpful. Bottom line you need to communicate your feelings to someone. Letting your emotions off of your chest can help you feel better. Before sharing your feelings, try to sort through your feelings and calm down to prevent from getting too heated. When choosing who to share with you should pick someone you trust, but someone that will be straightforward with you. Choose someone that will support your emotional growth without feeding in to your jealousy. Communicating your feelings is a key step in overcoming your jealousy. 

Learn to Cope

When you begin to feel jealous you need to employ adequate coping strategies. Having the right tools to tackle jealousy when it arises is one of the biggest techniques you have to learn. A key coping technique is deep breathing. You can take 10 deep breaths and feel an automatic sense of ease. Another strategy is to complete a body scan. Begin at your head and go down to your feet, focusing on one part at a time. Notice how they feel, the sensations of your feet on the floor, scents and sounds around you, and anything else that is noticeable. This can get your outside of your head and allow yourself an opportunity for calm. Practicing these coping strategies over time will decrease the anxiety you feel when faced with feelings of jealousy. 

Wait

Jealousy will not go away overnight, so an important technique in the process is waiting. You will have to wait for your feelings to pass. Time can be an important factor in overcoming jealousy which isn’t always what you want to hear. During this waiting time you can practice your coping strategies, communicate, and continue to focus on your growth. During the waiting period you may become discouraged that your feelings will not subside, rest assured that time really does heal most wounds. Even if your jealousy does not completely fade it will decrease in intensity and help your mind to heal. 

Keep Busy

Sometimes jealousy is a normal feeling that you will just have to deal with. A great way to do this is to keep yourself busy. You should not always ignore your emotions, but it is okay to sometimes try and keep your mind off of things after you have tried other methods. Finding a productive hobby or activity to do that is a good way to release your emotions. Exercise, meditation, and crafting are all great ways to keep yourself busy. You can even include close friends or family to help you stay busy and can also talk with you about how you are feeling. Keeping busy every once in a while to help with your jealousy is a strategy to have in your arsenal. 

Find Help

Jealousy is something you can often overcome with hard work and determination. However, sometimes jealousy can rule your life and even make it difficult to have relationships and carry out the everyday activities of your life. If this is the case for you, you should seek out professional help. This could be from your primary care physician or a mental health care provider. Regardless of who you go to they can offer personalized care plans to help you overcome your jealousy. 

Almost everyone deals with jealousy so it is an important skill to learn to overcome. Jealousy can impact your life very negatively in your relationships with others and yourself. Learning how to cope with it effectively is essential for a healthy mind and life. Utilize these techniques to help yourself overcome jealousy. If you are interested in improving your emotional intelligence and living your best life Kabbalah One has many resources to help you.