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In addition to the important and standard questions regarding Shabbos tablecloths, paper versus plastic plates, height/weight, and middos. Here a few important ones to ask to ensure you have found your basheert.
Do they use candles or oil? If oil, are the cups prefilled? If candles, are the candles different colors, or just white and blue?
Do they light inside or outside?
Do females also light?
Do they use flour or matzah in the latkes? Is grated onion considered an essential ingredient?
Do they serve latkes with sour cream or applesauce?Any other questions I am missing?
The Chasam Sofer questiions, why don’t females light when the neis also involved them? He says that originally they lit outside and it was improper for them to light among the men, so even now that we light inside the original custom remained . The Chasan Sofer explains the custom for the women not working as long the candles are burning. The yevonim wanted to eliminate Rosh Chodesh in order not to keep yomim tovim where the women light the candles. Min haTorah there are eighr days, so the women don’t work and the men light for the neis of the oil.
In my family, the women lit. My wife’s family they didn’t. The question never came up,
What are the prospective Choson’s family special minhagim for Zois Chanukah beyond saying taslich, etc.?
I actually light for my husband because he’s too busy learning to take the time to light the menorah. Then he comes home, eats 100 latkes, and falls asleep on the couch till 2pm the next day.
devny, I would think that we stop learning and lighrt Chanukah candles as we stop learning to lein the megiila. The women is lighting to satisfy her own obligation. If he happens to be an away from his house,, is a different situation. He has an obligation to light on his own.
You missed, do they give gelt or presents?
a great question is whether the girl’s family does the doughnut challenge
Joseph, don’t be holier than thou. Light Chanukah candles yourself as everyone else does. See what I told your wife above.
A deal breaker question would be, Does your family play nun-gimmel-hey-shin? Or do you hold from gimmel takes the pot? And more importantly, do you let the dreidel spin? or do you spin and smack it down?
does your family prepare new wicks every night? or use the old ones?
i personally use the same again and again.You should use new wicks for hiddur mitzva. In the Beis Hamikdash there was a mitzva of hatovas neros to replace the old wicks. According to the Rambam, Hilchas Temidim Umusofim 3,12 if it went out, ithey would clean it, replace it and relight it in the morning, but the Rashba holds that they would relight it in the afternoon.
Reb Eliezer
intersting. the maalla of using used one is that the fire catches on faster on used wicks.The custom to relight candles in the shul in the morning according to the Sheorim Metzuyonim Behalacha on the Kitzur is based on the above Rambam. Even though it might not be seen in the light, but it is done for zecher lemikdash and not for parsumei nisei, I explained.
knaidlach, שתהי שלהבת עולה מאליה the light should catch on by itself.
devny, Rav Chaim Shlita agrees with me to stop learning and the husband should light himself,
see https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/general/1813010/rav-chaim-kanievsky-shlita-on-chanukah.html
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