Paramedic Radai Phils was one of the first responders to arrive at the scene of the tragic IAF helicopter crash that claimed the lives of 73 soldiers 22 years ago. During the incident, two IAF helicopters transporting soldiers to and from Lebanon collided and crashed inside Israel’s security zone in southern Lebanon.

The disaster was the deadliest air crash in Israeli history. It contributed to Israel’s decision to withdraw from southern Lebanon three years later in the summer of 2000.

Scores of rescue crews rushed to the scene including 20 ambulances and two Intensive Care Units from Magen David Adom. Sadly, the rescue services had no one to rescue as there were no survivors.

Radai Phils was serving as an IDF paramedic and was among the first to arrive at the scene. The images he witnessed caused him to suffer post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition that he has been living with for the past 22 years. Phils decided to end his life this week at the age of 42.

In an interview with Ynet news Phils’ childhood friend, Shaked Sroit spoke about his condition. “Essentially he suffered from PTSD and all these years he tried to fight and live like everyone else. He fought both an internal battle, against his memories and thoughts, and also an external battle to receive what he needed to continue. He was extremely loved. He had many many friends and he loved to help people. On the other hand, he also was very closed. And when you go through something like that and you have no one around who can fully understand the experience you went through, it’s extremely difficult to talk about it. He did speak about if often with his close friends.”

Sroit placed blame on the government, who in her opinion, didn’t provide enough help to Phils. Sroit did say that Phils received a disability pension but only about NIS 700 ($200). “It was impossible for him to reach the end of the month with an amount like that,” she said, adding that the process of proving eligibility for assistance is fraught with problems, especially for someone who suffers from mental difficulties.

“There were better times, there were less good times – but his internal war was enough. His battle against the army and to receive recognition was terribly debilitating for him and his family and those around him. The process requires you to prove that you’re not okay. For a person who can barely manage to leave his bed and function, this is a horrible position to be in – especially for a person whose daily life is so difficult. We know that in every war, every incident, there are the fatalities that are counted, and there are the quiet fatalities, who are still alive but not alive. This is what Radai was for the last 22 years.”