@beisyosef – Thank you for your post. I respect your sincerity and candor. All too often we hear stories of young men and women who have difficulty in shidduchim because they are pressured to conform to what is considered “normal.” I know of outstanding boys who were turned down again and again because they communicated that their goal was to learn for a few years, and then study for a career and go to work so that they could support their family. Eventually these boys were told never to speak about any ambitions to do anything other than learn full-time. Similarly, I know of girls who wanted to build a home with a lifestyle that only a working husband (or a two-income professional couple) could provide. The girls were told to say that they wanted a husband who only learns, whom the wife would support. The whole dating process was a charade, with everyone pretending to want things other than what they really wanted. The attitude of the parents, shadchanim, dating coaches, etc. was, “Just get them married first. Then they’ll figure out what to do.” In some cases B”H the marriages worked out fine. In other cases the couples struggle, in part from continued external pressure to keep up the appearances of being some kind of ideal, fantasy kollel family. I appreciate that there are young adults like yourself who are honest and up-front in the dating process. It gives me hope that well-rounded, self-aware people can succeed. Hatzlacha raba!
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