I unfortunately have 2 children OTD …….
One came back after 10 years and the other is on his way back
I browsed some of the answers above … So I’m not sure if someone already discussed what I’m about to tell you.
What I did was the following:
I spent every Friday, just me and him and went to sightseeing places …Believe me I have seen every single zoo, museum, park etc … I took him to ball games ….
There were times that we went to all these places and we didn’t exchange one word …..
but I decided that I am going to enjoy my self …
I did all that so that I would never lose the connection ….
I know every one tells you to love him unconditionally ….
I just couldn’t and I didn’t pretend … but I did have fun with him ….
I sat him down and told him my values and told him openly that I don’t respect his…but since he is biologically mine,I will never ever abandon him and will help him with what he needs …..
Since he was still a young teen … I asked if he wanted to go to a “Hebrew” school that wasn’t that frum… but I figured …better that than hanging out … and told him that I will support him if he wants to learn a trade …
He did go to that school that taught him “Zionist” theology …
but you know what??? he started to come back ever so slowly …he started to relate to “Tu Beshvat” Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur …and came to the seder ….
One important thing that he told me that worked …since he is B”H back … and got married and is a very frum productive yungerman ….
that he noticed that when he walked with me wherever and even when he wasn’t wearing a “kappel” I was still introducing him everyone as my son …. and everytime I introduced I kissed him on the cheek…
he said that worked …
But daven .. daven… daven ….