Global warming or not global
Warming we all don’t want a polluted world so perhaps it makes no difference if there is a crisis or not a crisis some people do need assistance in order to get married. And all ideas discussed should be considered.
Often when you get older the gilt stays inspire , older single boys are bit more burned out from learning so many years. The boys go through intense yeshiva from a young age and what’s expected from the boys in those years if one stays single is hard not to be burned out ( burned out is not off the derech ) on the other hand girls don’t have it intense as far Yiddishkeit and they continue to want that same “frumy” guy that recent seminary experiences recommended.
Of course the above doesn’t apply to every crisis case.
-Another problem is that we are too segregated ladies often only know single woman , men only know single men and hardly anyone knows both groups. Many judge mingling on shabbos meals etc.
– boys might be getting more names because of the simple reason that it is considered courteous to the girl to ask the boy first , perhaps if the girl was asked first and were the ones to say no the boys would get less names.
– yidishkeit has changed so much it would it seem thus dividing the religion into tooo many religions ( Lakewood , tv no tv, learners not learners , kollel plans va no killer plans , etc etc
– even in a bad economy some people get jobs some don’t and even in a great economy some don’t get jobs and perhaps is not because there are no jobs but rather because is not a match or the person is too picky with jobs . So crisis or no crisis what can we do to help the individual. Honesty can help.
– then there is mental health , secrets , personal fears about marriage or intimacy, parents divorced , or different.
– been single till late make on more distant from the community many times.
I would suggest setting up an amount of money one would pay the shadchan let’s say 1k , for every schiduch the Shadchan sets up and doesn’t end up with an engagement the price of Shadchanus goes down 10% this incentives the Shadchan to not be setting up randomly with out giving thought.
– I hate to write this people do judge the book by the cover and often girls and boys can get some help improving things that Shadchanim are often hearing been said about the boy or girl.
– Girls are so accomplished now days often boys a bit less accomplished feel that the girl won’t accept them or that they won’t be equals at home and in order to protect their self value they just say no the girl. We don’t have many marriages were the husband is the stay at home dad by us.
Any way shiduch or no shiduch crisis there is much room for creativity with each particular case and instead of speculating having a good conversation with the single as to why they themselves think they are single Might help us help them.
After all even if in the “crisis” most of their friends did get a partner in crime.
More mixed meals and events would be helpful.
If there is in fact such crisis perhaps it would make sense to add a misheberach in Shul for singles to get married.
We also have a vulnerability issue in our community we are afraid to share many things publicly that might attract others ( stupid things like wanting to go to movies it’s often not shared , simple mental health issues such as taking minor doses of stuff for anxiety are often public knowledge in the secular world we have a long way to go in learning to be vulnerable share things as a family financial crisis , religious views etc )
Just typed everything that came to my mind
Let’s pray for all the singles and their families and for those who are married and wish they weren’t r”l